Recently, Eva Amurri, the daughter of actor Susan Sarandon, shared in an Instagram video that as a mom in her 40s one thing she’d never do is let her daughter grow up too fast.

“I don’t want her to rush through her childhood,” Amurri said, ”to act older than her years, live up to cultural expectations or be parentified.” Parentification is a role-reversal that happens when “a child takes on inappropriate age related tasks that are typically responsibilities for adults,” says Dr. Kate Cummins, a Los Angeles-based licensed clinical psychologist.

As a middle-aged mom to a teenager, I agree. I want my daughter to learn independence and build resilience, but I also want her to have limits on what she’s responsible for in childhood. I want to protect her from suffering the same consequences I did, because at her age I was barely surviving as a parentified child.

When I was 13, my mother became incapacitated after suffering a sudden traumatic brain injury at work. The day of the accident, I thought she was going to die and leave me all alone. In a matter of hours, I went from being a regular kid to being my mother’s primary caregiver.

Every day, I helped her with activities of daily living like dressing, eating, walking and paying the bills, a form of instrumental parentification. I was her entire support system, known as emotional parentification. The accident changed the trajectory of both of our lives in an instant.

Unfortunately, this isn’t uncommon. Intentional or unintentional parentification often occurs in single-parent households, among eldest daughters and in high-risk situations, like when parents are addicts, chronically ill or disabled. Cultural expectations also contribute to pressure on girls, particularly in minority groups, among African Americans and Latinos, conditioning them to do household tasks and become caretakers.

According to a report from the American Association of Caregiving Youth and the National Alliance for Caregiving with American Assn. of Retired Persons, approximately 5.4 million children are currently caregiving for family members of all ages in the U.S.

Many of these caregiving youth experience a significant role reversal that places a heavy burden on them academically, physically and emotionally. According to a 2005 study from the National Alliance for Caregiving in collaboration with the United Hospital Fund, approximately 58% of the work of caregiving youth includes at least one activity of daily living. This report says these tasks typically include bathing, getting in and out of beds and chairs, toileting and feeding. These activities and others such as managing and administering medications take time away from learning and just being a kid for at least 49% of caregiving youth.

Unfortunately, there are a lack of adequate systems in place in the U.S. to identify and support these young people. Research shows caregiving youth often experience higher rates of anxiety and depression and are at risk for substance use, per a systematic review from the Lancet.

During the several years I was my mother’s caregiver, I lived in a chronic hypervigilant state, feeling unsafe in my body, my home and my life. I resorted to dangerous behaviors to escape, including abusing drugs, binge drinking, skipping school and becoming sexually active. It seemed easier to numb myself and disappear from my life than to face my feelings.

“When a parent turns to their child for emotional support, they must hold the burden of their parents’ emotions while being unable to change their circumstance,” explained Amber Trejo, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Indianapolis.

Studies show that prolonged parentification can have adverse effects on the child, affecting their sleep, social skills, academic performance and school attendance. It can also affect whether the child completes high school.

As I reached early adulthood, I sought approval and love by becoming a people-pleasing hyper-independent overachiever. The world saw a put together, successful woman. But inside I was struggling to fit in and felt like I’d never be enough. It wasn’t until I reached my late 20s, when my anxiety became debilitating, that I finally got help with therapy. It helped me understand the long-term physical and emotional toll my role as a young caregiver had taken on me.

Looking back now, I realize how lucky I am that I survived it all. No child should have to give up their youth like I did.

Yet, there are still millions of kids being forced into caregiving roles, and this issue is only expected to get worse. With new Medicaid work requirements already taking effect, patients will be left without critical in-home nursing and will rely on younger family members for care. In addition, the forthcoming cuts from the Big Beautiful Bill Act expected this October will only worsen this growing crisis.

While there is some support for caregiving youth available in states including Florida, Rhode Island, Colorado and California from nonprofits such as the American Assn. of Caregiving Youth, the Caregiver Action Network and Hope Loves Company, there is still a lot of work to be done.

Currently, no national program exists to support caregiving youth. Some of the ways we can begin to repair this issue include educating school staff, healthcare providers and adults to identify these children and offer them academic and mental health services along with funding for home-based care programs throughout our country.

When the kids who are parentified don’t get the help they need, the situation can become dire, explained Los Angeles-based licensed marriage and family therapist Melissa Garner Lee. “They may end up in abusive relationships, become institutionalized or worse — become suicidal,” she said. Research from a 2025 study also found rates of self-harm and suicide are higher among young caregivers, especially girls, compared with non-caregivers.

For parents like me, who do have a choice on how they raise their kids, especially our daughters, change starts with us. Garner Lee suggests “emotionally tracking and validating your children” to make sure their responsibilities are age appropriate. She also recommends “encouraging and supporting them to find their own interests, which will lead to an identity they have created.” Dr. Cummins added, “it’s an opportunity to re-parent yourself through the lens of how you wanted your childhood to be.”

I recognize I’m lucky to have gotten help when I did. I know that I’m also fortunate to be able to choose how I parent my daughter, when so many others still can’t.

We owe it to all children, especially to our daughters, to take the pressure off of them to grow up too soon. We also need more adequate systems in place so kids are no longer expected to become caregivers, and are no longer parentified.

Every child and every girl deserves the chance to act their age, and maintain their agency and their innocence, until they are truly ready to grow up.

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Lisa McCarty is a Washington, D.C.- based freelance writer and journalist.

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