In the first place, anti-pedophile laws don't work.
Pedophiles want to have sexual contact with children, and no law makes them stop. Arrest them, jail them, makes no difference. They get out of jail eventually and, when they do, they usually go looking for a kid.
We make them register, but registering pedophiles doesn't work. They molest ...Read more
America still has the Army.
Oh, yeah. We can't stop our people, many of them veterans, from shooting poison into their veins. We can't promise the returning vet a union job that pays a living wage. We can't stop the rich from eating us. We still defend slavery, some of us. We argue that groping women is natural. We've got religious kook-a-...Read more
They found her near the river, on the weedy bank. The river is paved over for most of its length, but it rises in a couple spots, and one of them is near the interstate, in back of a now-abandoned Sam's Club. The river powered the first cotton mills in the city where I live, but electricity came along, and they gave the river a layoff notice, ...Read more
I am a REAL American.
Whew! Glad we got that out of the way. For a minute there, I thought I might be considered disloyal. You can't go to jail for that yet, but you will.
And why am I busting with American-ness?
My mother's family, the Munroes, were brought to America in the 1600s, before it was America, back when the English ...Read more
I'm 6 feet tall, or I was.
Two years ago, when I was 58, I switched doctors. The new doctor weighed me and checked my height. I asked her how tall I was, and she said I was 5 foot 11 and enough change left over to buy a bag of potato chips from the office vending machine. I was unprepared. I'd been 6 feet tall since I was 16, and I liked saying...Read more
I believe the newspaper columnist's job is to take a step to the side, to take a look at things from an angle, to maybe even sneak around behind an issue and get a look at it from the back.
In that spirit, what if the election of Pres. Donald Trump is the best thing that ever happened to America?
Think about it.
Our nation moved steadily ...Read more
I start the column and I date it "2018," here in the small spare bedroom of a second-floor apartment in a 125-year-old house.
There's a snowstorm trembling in the air tonight. It hasn't started yet, and isn't supposed to start until about 4 a.m. It's 8 p.m. now, but you can taste the snow in the air. You smell rain coming, but you taste snow, ...Read more
I get some of my best ideas drinking coffee. I get good ideas drinking whiskey, too, but I forget them before I can write them down.
I was drinking coffee in the office yesterday morning, instant coffee in a cup with a Christmas tree and the "Peanuts" character Snoopy on the side, when I came up with the best idea I've had since I decided to ...Read more
The Windsor Diaries Book One: Victorian ScoundrelStephanie Burkhart
It's 2011 and compressed natural gas has taken over from the coal producing steam machines of the Victorian Age. Alice Windsor, Princess of York, follows her cousin, Prince Edmund of Wales back to the past and 1851 for Britain's Great ...
People think of newspaper reporters as forever unraveling the twisted threads of political corruption or, depending on your political orientation, they think of us as concealing political corruption in return for pats on the head from America-hating Muslim-coddling socialists.
As a reporter on a midsized daily newspaper that prints arrests and ...Read more
Rather than rehash the numbers, let's just say that the black voters of Alabama are the reason Roy Moore isn't bringing his cowboy-hatted slime to the Senate.
Pickett's Charge failed again, toiling up the hill in slavery's cause, but faltering under the guns, and failing to take the heights.
Pickett's Charge always fails, and slavery always ...Read more
I'm getting a little sick of Jesus.
When I was a kid in Catholic school, back in the early 1960s, Jesus was in the prayer books, surrounded by lambs, lambs whose bellies must have been warm and soft, and wonderful to touch.
I guess it was those pictures that taught me Jesus liked the soft, the weak and the defenseless. Even if Jesus ran into...Read more
When I was a kid, if I belted one of my cousins in the mouth while arguing over a sled, and knocked him face first into a snow bank, my mother used to apply one piece of wisdom.
"How would you like it if somebody did that to you?" she'd say, shortly before clipping me sharply over the left ear. She was right-handed, so her shots always landed ...Read more
Coffee is what the cigarette used to be.
In 1963, if you asked a guy, "You want a cigarette?" he said, "Yes."
Now, if you ask a fellow co-worker, "You want some coffee?" she says, "Yes."
In fact, because it is a stimulant and comes from South America, coffee is pretty close to being what cocaine used to be.
If coffee is anything like what ...Read more