Somebody once told me olive oil was a good thing to put in your body, so for six months, I got up in the morning, poured myself a shot glass full of olive oil, and banged it back like a shot of whiskey. Then, I made coffee.
I proudly told the woman who gave me the olive oil tip what I was doing.
"My God!" she said. "You're drinking it?"
"You ...Read more
"If beans is what we got, beans is what we eat."
That's something my mother used to say. The saying and the attitude come from the Great Depression, a 1930s patriotic event during which her family almost starved to death.
My wife made chili this week -- with beans.
The chili we eat isn't really Mexican. It's Mexican like you're Mexican if ...Read more
The real aristocrats of the working class aren't bartenders, they're cops -- and firefighters. If the place where you live is poor enough, they're $30,000 a year clerks in city hall -- and high school janitors.
A recent Supreme Court decision is going to make it hard for those workers to exercise power through their unions.
As the rest of ...Read more
Despite what my left-leaning friends say, there is a big difference between President Donald J. Trump and Adolf Hitler.
Hitler was a hero.
He volunteered for military service in World War I, served on the front lines, was wounded in the leg, gassed, awarded several decorations and promoted.
Hitler ran messages through a storm of lead. Trump ...Read more
If nothing goes really wrong, President Donald J. Trump can win re-election. This is particularly true if the Democratic Party runs some caricature of liberalism like Elizabeth Warren. She'd be a better president than Trump, but she'd be a worse candidate than Hillary Clinton. Female, extremely liberal and from Massachusetts, she'd get the same ...Read more
I really believe President Donald Trump, big-brained, many-worded upholder of the Bible and the flag, could forget the words to "99 Bottles of Beer On The Wall." After all, he forgets he's married from time to time. Hello, Stormy? President Elvis is waiting in the jungle room.
Well, maybe Trump wouldn't forget the words to "99 Bottles of Beer...Read more
A lot of the women President Donald Trump knows can be seen naked on the internet: his wife, Stormy Daniels, Kim Kardashian.
When you catch your teenage daughter sending naked pictures of herself to her boyfriend, don't get tense.
"Keep doing that, honey, and you'll be the first lady someday," you should tell her. "You want daddy to buy you a ...Read more
"The last P, well, that's not that simple
It's sorta like another way to call a cat a kitten"
--O.P.P. Naughty By Nature
God bless hip-hop, which leadeth me from the unsuitable metaphor.
Hey, at least it's old school hip-hop, which is in line with our ancient president, who believes that all good things happened between the writing of the...Read more
When readers send me emails, they often ask me for one of my favorite recipes.
OK, so they don't.
Usually when readers send me emails, they call me a "filthy communist," suggest that I move to another country, or sometimes offer to shoot me in case I'm too scared of guns to shoot myself.
But it's a luxurious life being a columnist, and I ...Read more
I like a cigar every so often.
I smoke Te-Amo cigars, a relatively cheap Mexican brand that the cigar reviewers says has an "earthy" flavor. They taste a little like dirt, is what they taste like, but cigar reviewers write in a style that begs to be read in a leather chair, so they're not gonna write "tastes like dirt."
I like bacon with ...Read more
In the city where I live, we have 88,000 people, 17 dollar stores and a Walmart.
This why North Korea backed down.
North Korea, for those of you who belong to the tea party, is cuddled up right next to China.
The maniac running North Korea doesn't give a damn about the maniac running the United States of America.
He does, however, give a ...Read more
I'm 60. I'll be 61 next month. If life is a 9-5 shift at work, I've just returned from my 3 p.m. coffee break. I'll be getting off work soon. Because I personally have always envisioned death as an endless fifth grade snow day, I'm fine with the approaching end of my shift.
Still, there's mighty little to celebrate about advancing age, and if...Read more
Sean Hannity and Alex Jones, two men who pick at American journalism the way small birds peck at the carcass of a pig, are both in legal trouble.
Myself, after 34 years as a reporter and columnist, I do not use the word "journalist" if I can stop myself in time. I believe in the crippled, nicotine-stained stained old newsroom joke which sayeth,...Read more