"You're blowing it now, son! You're blowing it!" The late fight trainer Angelo Dundee to Sugar Ray Leonard between rounds 12 and 13 of his fight with Thomas Hearns. Leonard picked up the pace, and he stopped Hearns in round 14.
A pack of Democratic title contenders are fighting each other, looking for the title shot. Donald Trump waits, ...Read more
In World War I, when the combatants hunkered down fearfully in miles of opposing trenches, everything took on the name of the trench.
There was trench foot, a disease, and a weapon called a trench knife.
And there was trench shaving.
Filthy, louse-ridden, frightened, uncomfortable under a heavy beard and without a razor, a man would hold a ...Read more
Even the greasiest, most hungover, least-skilled newspaper columnist loves to discover that his/her next column will run on a holiday.
With a subject resented in a beautifully wrapped box, the columnist sets to work.
The release date for this column is Valentine's Day.
As it happens, there is a tale of peril associated with this Valentine's ...Read more
"Same knife cut the sheep cut the goat"
--Cajun singer Horace Trahan, from the song of the same name.
You don't learn to cover government by covering the United States government. You learn to cover government sitting on a hard plastic chair, at night, on the second floor of a country town hall.
There, you will see, in miniature and only 10 ...Read more
Many people, including our whopping mistake of a president, characterize the investigation and the impeachment of Donald J. Trump as a "witch hunt."
They refer to history, or rather what they think is history.
Originally, a witch hunt was just what it sounds like.
Your infant daughter died and, even though most of your children died in ...Read more
There will be no war with Iran. Yet. This is because President Donald Trump sent troops to the threatened embassy. It wasn't at all like a similar situation when Hillary Clinton "murdered" several Americans in Benghazi. So, that is a tinseled Trumpian victory, suitable for inscribing on the soon-to-be-built Arc de Trump. As a bonus, "only" 11 ...Read more
I tried. I swear I tried.
Like any columnist, I combed the week's news, looking for that thing from which a newspaper column could be built.
Iran. Nukes. Impeachment. The British royal family. Drugs. Tariffs. Heartbreak and fear and the sense that standards are slipping everywhere.
Scared hell out of me, is what happened.
And then, it struck...Read more
Well, we done it. We kicked Iranian butt. We butt-kicked 'em. Their butts were kicked. We put a boot in their butts. Their butts, they were kicked. We opened up a can of butt-kick. We came to eat lollipops and kick butt, and we were out of lollipops. We took names and kicked butts. Butt kick. Kick butt. Works the same way backward and forward. ...Read more
In Texas, where life is cheap, and so are the senators, a plucky church security force member raised his gun in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, and shot dead a gunman who'd already killed two people.
Praise Jayzus! Praise his holy name!
And, of course, pass the ammunition!
The killing of the killer is being touted as one ...Read more
I'm writing this on Christmas Day. All the wrapping has been torn. The church at the end of my street has put Jesus in the manger. My wife liked her gifts, and we had a huge Irish breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausage, blood pudding, beans, toast and strong tea.
My mother died last February. My wife's mother died in October. We are both only ...Read more
Although the crucifixion and resurrection are central to Christianity, I am most moved by The Babe in the manger, by his dimpled arms and helpless, weakly grasping hands, by Joseph's worried face, by Mary's tired, half-closed eyes, by the scratchy straw on his tender skin and the close dung smell of the animals.
So helpless and so small, the ...Read more
I'm a 62-year-old man who, by being cheap for 30 years of his life, managed to save some money. A lot of generic groceries and off-brand beer passed down this old reporter's neck in order to keep funding the 401(k) and the mutual funds, but in the end, I wound up with about 10 years pay in savings, all of it busily, capitalistically making money...Read more
About two miles from my house, in the same city, there's a convenience store. It sells coffee, liquor, beer, lottery tickets, sandwiches wrapped in plastic and disposal lighters, and it offers two aisles of canned goods, toilet paper and disposable diapers.
There used to be a Hindu temple across the street, located in a former paper-box factory...Read more
Heavy lies the head that wears the turkey.
Pres. Donald Trump pardoned two turkeys just before Thanksgiving Day. It's a holiday tradition. Ever year, in a display of commercialized might, the president pardons two turkeys and a war criminal. The two turkeys go to some kind of turkey rescue facility. The war criminal gets a promotion, may ...Read more