ArcaMax

The vaping industry, tragically unrepresented by the National Rifle Association, is in danger of seeing its profitable berry- and s'mores-flavored business go up in smoke, or at least in vapor. The doctors say vaping kills you.

I'm an old-fashioned pipe smoker. Not so long ago, I was sitting outside at my job, peacefully puffing a pipe, when I ...Read more

There was a "straight pride" parade in Boston last week, maybe 50 miles from my house. I skipped it, and went out for pancakes instead. Then, I came home and did some laundry.

About 300 people marched in the parade. Maybe the other straight guys do their own laundry, too.

And several days later, my wife, Deborah, continued her effort to gain...Read more

It's Labor Day, when we celebrate by studiously not celebrating in hopes that the folks "at corporate" won't think that we're thinking of ourselves as "labor."

Instead of thinking of ourselves as "labor," we are encouraged to think of ourselves as individuals, gun-owning frontiers people who just happen to have central air conditioning and ...Read more

President Donald Trump wants to buy the island of Greenland from Denmark. Denmark won't sell, and they turned him down rudely. Trump said he won't go to Denmark because they turned his offer down without even giving him a chance to borrow the purchase price from the Russian mob. In addition, he turned them down because he is a petulant child. ...Read more

I had to buy birthday presents for my wife. Her birthday was last week.

I'm not bad at present buying. I specialize in scarves, perfume and jewelry. None of those items come in a specific size, so there's less room for error.

This year, I took a jump off earth's flattest edge and bought her a sweater. It fit, too, and she liked the color, so ...Read more

I've got a little list.

It's a list of the places I go most often.

I live in a town of 88,000 in southeastern Massachusetts. I go to the same places all the time, and because I'm not what anyone ever called "sophisticated," they're mostly small, unfashionable places.

Work, which is a small radio station. Five different diners because I like ...Read more

The city where I live, an undistinguished place in Massachusetts, is getting ready to build a replica of the Vietnam Wall in Washington, D.C. It is a thing keenly desired by the population, most of whom make less that $30,000 a year, which is a hell of a lot less in Massachusetts than it is in Georgia.

It's an old city. We have a monument to ...Read more

If we can't chant it, we don't want it.

Doesn't rhyme. Doesn't have to. It's too long anyway.

Like "Yankees Suck" or "Sieg Heil," what you want in a chant is brevity. If possible, two words, maybe three words.

"Couldn't arrest him because he's a sitting president," can't be chanted, so it's no good.

"Lock her up!" Now, there's a chant. It'...Read more

Let's start out by putting a floor under this column.

I was raised to believe that you did not wear the American flag as clothing. The reason my teachers and my parents gave me was that if you had an American flag on your T-shirt, you would eventually spill gravy on the flag. Just as bad, sooner or later, your flag T-shirt would end up in the ...Read more

I had a pickup truck. Her bloodline is not important, though I will say she was a 2001 and white in color.

Her name was Evangeline. I'm of French descent, and all my vehicles have French female names. Suzanne. Therese. Suzette.

And Evangeline, who last week would no longer start and so was towed away as junk.

These last few years, her air ...Read more

"Some of us are illegal, and some are not wanted,

Our work contract's out and we have to move on;

Six hundred miles to the Mexican border,

They chase us like outlaws, like rustlers, like thieves."

--"Deportee" by Woody Guthrie

Woody Guthrie, by God, that Commie Okie, the troubadour of the Dust Bowl. It was Woody who gave me the ...Read more

As the election slouches rudely toward the Russian-monitored polling place in your town, there is much to be argued.

But...

Quit arguing about Hillary Clinton going to jail. She's not going to jail. Bill Clinton's not going to jail. They're not going to be locked up.

No matter how convoluted your math, Mexico isn't paying for the border wall,...Read more