ArcaMax

As punchline Pres. Donald J. Trump continues his honkin' big tour of many Jesuses, waving the Bible at an Episcopal church, visiting a shrine run by idol-worshiping Catholics, and no doubt on his way to wave a Quran at a mosque, I begin to see the light.

That's why I bought a copy of the Chiltons repair manual for the 2016 Buick Enclave. I ...Read more

I remember the days when the folk singers said a hard rain was a-gonna fall, and a hard wind was a-gonna blow, and a hard snow was a-gonna snow, and a hard hail was a-gonna ping off'n yer windshield.

It was fun listening to the folk singers tone-deaf imitation of the people among who I was raised.

Punchline Pres. Donald Trump, whose speech ...Read more

The French philosopher Pascal said that human beings are so easy to comfort because we are so easy to afflict.

Big deal. So, I went to college.

Still, the columnist who begins a column with a quote or paraphrases from someone you've never heard of establishes himself as intellectually superior from the git go, just as he can lay claim to being...Read more

Now that two women reporters I could throw over a fence have chased Pres. Donald Trump out of a press conference, I guess we understand why older white American men need so many guns. You never know when your intellect is going to get mugged by some small Asian-looking woman who wears a size 4 dress.

"Ask China," Trump said. What, does he think...Read more

The first God-given right I remember losing to big government was the right to sleep whenever I felt tired.

Yeah, kindergarten sucked. Of course, I didn't go to a public grade school. I went to a Catholic grade school, but I assume it was licensed by some arm of the government.

Before kindergarten, when I was a very little boy, if I felt tired...Read more

These days, I believe I match the description of the bad father in the old Johnny Cash song, "A Boy Named Sue."

I'm 62, and I'm, "big, and bent, and gray, and old," as the old man is described in the song.

I'm still Hell in a fight, though.

Laughably described as an "essential employee" by some government somewhere, I do three hours of talk ...Read more

As the government of an extremely small nation/house, our first mistake was ignoring the experts.

For days, our two cats, Maggie and Jack, had spent their evenings in the kitchen, staring fixedly at a cabinet.

"Maybe we have a mouse," my wife, Deborah, said.

We looked. No mouse droppings. Nothing had been nibbled.

"No mouse," I said.

In ...Read more

As a working-class man who shrewdly avoided work by becoming a writer, the United States Post Office means three things to me.

The first is that postal jobs are good jobs. Union. Seniority. Security. Benefits. Pension. Veterans' preference. All working-class people know those things.

The second is that the mail comes every day, no matter how ...Read more

It's been a little hard to get groceries lately, what with the coronavirus hoax still abroad in the land of the free. Still, no matter how many the hoax kills, I have to go to work, and I have to go to the grocery store.

After retiring from the newspaper business, I took a job doing talk radio. Imagine my surprise when I was declared an "...Read more

I'm dying. I'm literally dying from laughter. LOL.

Up the hill from where I live, there is a fine building, a home for the elderly owned by the Catholic diocese. My mother died in that noble old brick building, on the Alzheimer's floor, where they put you while your family hopes you die.

Ma didn't know me for the last 18 months, but she'd ...Read more

I love the rich people who employ me. I do. Before that, I loved the other rich people who employed me. I want them swaddled with care, smothered with tax incentives, insulated against the cold breezes of the income tax. I am the dog, and they are the hand that comes mysteriously out of the air to put food in my bowl. Sometimes, they pet my head...Read more

There is a new species of hero abroad in the land!

And, no, I don't mean President Donald Trump, who now regards himself as a "war president."

And, no, I don't mean those guys who "almost joined the military." As the nation slides deeper into uniform worship, the "I almost joined" brigade has swollen to the size of an army. Apparently, even ...Read more

Do you want to know the truth?

It's coronavirus season, and it's election season, and my wife's disinfecting all the doorknobs in the house every night, and all the candidates for president stink.

Yeah. We're forted up in our house with a lush supply of canned food and bottled beer, and outside, the prospects of saving the nation are dimmer ...Read more