As the U.S. president continues his quest to spread peace throughout the world, even if we have to “keep bombing our little hearts out” and threatening imminent war crimes in the process, it’s a good time for an update on the Nobel Peace Prize, don’t you think?’

The Nobel, or “the Noble,” as Trump sometimes types it in his unending war against the axis powers of spelling, grammar, and capitalization, is kind of where these military escalations in the name of metastasizing global instability began.

In a text message to the prime minister of Norway last fall, Trump said that “Considering your Country decided not to give me the Nobel Peace Prize ... I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of Peace.” The president revealed in a recent interview that he’s no longer interested in the award, but at least three people have nominated him for the 2026 edition, including brother-in-bombs Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

Contenders for the prize

The latest nomination made public came from the magazine The Nation, which nominated the people of Minneapolis for their heroic resistance to the policies of another Nobel Peace Prize nominee, the president of the United States.

What a time to be alive.

“The people of Minneapolis have suffered countless abuses, including harassment, detention, deportation, and injury,” wrote the editors for their April edition. “And, in incidents that shocked the world, federal agents have killed multiple residents, including poet and mother of three Renee Good and intensive care nurse Alex Jeffrey Pretti.”

Responding to “these horrific developments,” the editors continued, “elected officials, clergy, and labor leaders in Minneapolis and Minnesota have called for nonviolent protest, in accordance with the U.S. Constitution’s promise that Americans have a right to assemble and petition for the redress of grievances. The people of Minneapolis and neighboring communities have answered that call with peaceful mass demonstrations that have drawn tens of thousands of protesters.”

The known contenders for the 2026 Nobel also include Gaza-based doctors, Sudan’s Emergency Response Rooms, Yulia Navalnaya, widow of murdered Russian dissident Alexei Navalny, the International Court of Justice & International Criminal Court, The Committee to Protect Journalists, Mykola Kuleba and Save the Children, Moldovan president Maia Sandu, Greta Thunberg, and the Pope.

On a betting site I checked Monday, you could get more way more favorable odds on Trump for the Peace Prize than for the Pope, because, again, what a time to be alive.

Technically, Trump still needs one because the medal given to him by last year’s winner, Venezuelan opposition leader Maria Corina Machado (after Trump bombed her country), doesn’t actually count. Both Trump and Machado have been informed by the relevant authorities that the Nobel Peace Prize is not transferable. Yeah, who knew?

Incompetent war-making

Though he insists he no longer cares about any of this, he didn’t improve his chances with a series of clumsy cartwheels across the world stage that began Friday when the stable genius, at various points, declared victory, announced he was sending in the Marines, demanded a ceasefire, called NATO allies cowards, demanded Iran open the Strait of Hormuz, said the U.S. was not at war with Iran, and declared victory again.

Then he lifted the oil sanctions on Iran, sanctions in place since 1979, for 30 days, oil that can now be sold on the open market, including to the United States.

“We’re literally putting money into the pockets of the very nations we are fighting right now,” said Democratic Senator Chris Murphy of Connecticut on Meet The Press. “We’ve never seen this level of incompetence in war-making in this country’s history.”

By Monday afternoon, Trump had given Iran 48 hours to open the Strait or “the United States of America will hit and obliterate their various POWER PLANTS, STARTING WITH THE BIGGEST ONE FIRST!” then announced the deadline had been extended for five days because of “VERY GOOD AND PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS REGARDING A COMPLETE AND TOTAL RESOLUTION OF OUR HOSTILITIES,” without saying who was in those conversations that Iran said almost immediately did not include Iran.

Which leads inalterably to a question you might have thought you’d never have to consider: In the always corrosive theater of geopolitical turbulence, who do you believe, a corrupt, hyper-violent regime of habitual liars, or Iran?

The corruption charges gained considerable weight Monday when, 15 minutes before Trump’s announcement that he was extending the deadline for turning the power off in Iran, multiple financial outlets noted a sudden spike in S&P 500 futures and oil futures.

We see the results

“Trump needed some way to climb down from a threat that would surely have started a new round of escalation, this time crossing a new threshold by targeting civilian energy infrastructure, which would likely constitute a war crime,” former defense department official Dana Stroul told Bloomberg. “It is surely no coincidence that the announcement of a five-day pause and talks came right before markets opened in the United States on Monday morning.”

Later in the day, presidential adviser Steven Miller sat around with Trump and his clown cabinet at an event in Memphis and observed, “President Trump believes in merit and competence and people who get things done. You look around the table at people chosen for these jobs, Pam (Bondi), Pete (Hegseth), Kash (Patel). He chooses people based on their skill, competence, ability, determination, dedication, and loyalty, and you are seeing the results.”

Yep. Every single day.

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