Scott Maxwell: Dear Mr. President, Florida voted the way you asked. We'd like our $5,000

Scott Maxwell, Orlando Sentinel on Nov 12, 2026

Published in Op Eds

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Dear Mr. President,

Two months ago, you made America a generous offer. If we’d just vote the way you wanted, keeping Republicans in control of both the House and Senate, you told us you’d reward each of us with $5,000.

“If the Republicans win, you win with us and you get $5,000,” you said during the GOP’s midterm convention in Dallas. “It will be called the Trump Dividend.”

Personally, I thought this seemed like an incredibly benevolent proposal — cash from our deficit-running government in exchange for votes. What could be more patriotic?

Unfortunately, most stupid states didn’t take the deal. They repudiated your agenda in historic fashion.

But in Florida, we did exactly as we were told.

While most of America said it was sick of high prices, the Iran War and constant chaos, Floridians said: Let’s double down!

While most of America said: We desperately need checks and balances, Florida said: We don’t need no stinking accountability.

For all those reasons, Mr. President, I’d like to make the case that we Floridians are still entitled to our $5,000 payoffs.

We didn’t betray you, unlike those turncoats in Texas and Judases in Georgia.

Florida held firm — in the face of virtually every economic and policy indicator that said this country deserves better.

Admittedly, it was close. Most GOP candidates in Florida barely squeaked by with about 51% of the vote, despite hefty voter-registration advantages.

But we sure did better than those ingrates up in the Carolinas. So please, give us our money.

Keep in mind: We even cast our votes in the face of financial reason. We knew that paying off these electoral bribes would add another $1 trillion or so to the already gargantuan budget deficit. But we didn’t care.

Sure, we used to care about deficit spending back when Democrats were in control. When Barack Obama was in the White House, we griped nonstop about government spending and claimed to be fiscal hawks.

But then you ran up a deficit higher than it ever was at any point during Obama’s tenure, and we stopped caring. In fact, a lot of people are saying your deficit is the most beautiful deficit yet.

Make no mistake: We’ll go right back to claiming we care about the deficit once Democrats take control. It will once again be THE most important issue. But while you’re in office, we don’t care about fiscal responsibility. We just want our government handouts.

Also, we need the money now more than ever. Not because costs of living are high. (You told us they’re not.) But because we know things are about to turn terrible, since you warned us: “If the Democrats win, you will have an economic depression, much like 1929. If the Republicans win, you will each have $5,000 in your pocket.”

We prefer the payola.

Now, to be totally transparent, not all of Florida realized how good we’ve had it over the past two years. Here in Central Florida we were particularly obtuse. We voted against your agenda by overwhelming margins. In fact, I think you somehow managed to turn already-blue Orange County even bluer.

But forgive us for our foolish reasons — because we wanted silly things like fewer wars, better health care, less division, more international respect and Cabinet members who don’t look like they were plucked out of “Saturday Night Live” skits.

Fortunately, the folks in The Villages set us straight. They put down their pickleball paddles and flocked to the polls. (Voting in-person, of course, so as not to use the nefarious mail-in method that you used but others shouldn’t.)

Together, with help from counties in the Panhandle and retiree-heavy places like the Space Coast and Suncoast, they beat back the errant-minded, more populous places that craved checks and balances, so that we could proudly support the status quo.

Unlike those traitors in Ohio and Michigan.

The bottom line, Mr. President, is that this year, when cash-for-votes was on the table, Florida delivered. So please, consider paying us off. After all, there’s a depression looming.

_____