Husband Asks For Divorce, Then Changes Mind
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband asked me for a divorce and then a week later he said he changed his mind and wanted to stay with me. I now want to divorce him because that was such an odd change of heart that I don't think his motives to stay with me are good ones. He keeps telling me it was a mistake and he said it in a moment of weakness. He says he was overwhelmed by stress and let his emotions get the best of him, but I can't help but wonder what could have changed so dramatically in just one week. Part of me wonders if someone or something else didn't work out the way he expected, and now he has come back because staying with me feels like the safer option. Ever since he first brought up divorce, I haven't been able to look at our marriage the same way. Before that conversation, I thought we were working through our issues together, but now I question whether he has been unhappy for a long time without telling me. My family thinks I should stay with him, and my friends think I should leave him. Should I trust my instincts and friends and move on, or should I listen to my family? -- Vacillating
DEAR VACILLATING: Invite your husband to join you in marriage counseling. His abrupt request for a divorce followed by such a quick reversal points to some deeper issue going on in him. First of all, to ask for a divorce is huge. It is not something that typically happens casually. He must have been thinking about it for a long time. Ask him why he said he wanted to get divorced in the first place. Press him to tell you his reasons. Be brave and ask him if he has been involved with anyone else.
Admit that his request rattled you and makes you feel unsure about the future. In order to possibly get back on solid footing, you want to go to counseling with him. If he wants a chance at reconciliation with you, tell him he has to go.
DEAR HARRIETTE: This is in response to the letter from "Anxiousness," who asked how to deal with anxiety. Your advice to seek medication from a professional was great, but I'd like to add an incredibly effective resource, which is to seek a mental health professional who is certified to do EMDR. The process can quickly and effectively remove the anxiety from childhood or other traumatic experiences. -- Recovery
DEAR RECOVERY: Thank you for your recommendation. For those who are unfamiliar with this therapy, here's how WebMD describes it: "Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a ... nontraditional type of psychotherapy. It's getting more popular, particularly for treating post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD. PTSD often happens after experiences such as military combat, physical assault, rape or car accidents. ... EMDR uses a patient's own rapid, rhythmic eye moments ... [to] lessen the power of emotionally charged memories of past traumatic events."
If you are interested in learning more about this therapy or finding a practitioner in your area, look it up online and search for your location.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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