Couple With Opposite Schedules Needs More Time Together
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I are struggling to make time for each other. He started a new career as a professional bodyguard a few months back, so his schedule is now the opposite of mine. He works with a lot of entertainers and athletes, which leads to him working mostly at night and nearly all weekend. I, on the other hand, work a corporate 9-to-5 job. In the mornings when I'm gearing up to head out, he's fast asleep from late-night shifts, and by the time I get home from work, he's rushing out the door for yet another gig. I don't want to give him any pressure as he is still new to this high-stakes work environment, but I wonder when -- or how -- we'll find time for us again. Do you have any advice? -- Quality Time
DEAR QUALITY TIME: Before giving up, figure out whether there are a few days in the week when you can see each other. What are his days off? Can you enjoy a meal together or any activity? Look hard to find moments of connection. Ultimately, though, you two will have to either carve out transition times to see each other -- as you are coming home and before he goes out, vacation days, etc. -- or you may have to agree that if you stay in your careers, you may not be the right partners for each other anymore. Whatever you decide, do so consciously and together.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee's financial situation is a work in progress. She hasn't made great decisions with her money in the past, and I've been helping her rebuild her credit and be more fiscally responsible. Despite my efforts, she recently asked to be an authorized user on my credit card to speed up the process, and I've been dodging her question ever since. She says if we are really headed toward marriage, it shouldn't be an issue for all our financial responsibilities to be shared. This feels manipulative to me. It's not that I don't trust her, but her track record with spending isn't great. And honestly, it feels like I am trying harder to correct the issue than she is. She just wants us to share the load, and I don't think that's a solution. I'm not sure what more to do here. -- Authorized User
DEAR AUTHORIZED USER: Do not allow your fiancee to manipulate you. Instead, consider it time to get a financial adviser. Find a professional who can work with you to understand your financial picture and figure out a healthy way forward. You two should be transparent about the state of your finances as well as your goals as a couple. Yes, you should help each other, but not as a crutch. Do your best to become strong independently. Learn your strengths and weaknesses, and figure out a way forward that can set you two up for success. By the way, this should include all aspects of your life together: finances, career, family planning, spirituality, values, goals and dreams.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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