Life Advice
/Health
Am I to Blame for My In-Laws' Family Drift?
Dear Annie: I find myself questioning everything. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. I have known this since I was 13, living on the streets and trying to figure out life.
As an adult, my goal has been to not push my childhood trauma onto my relationships. I have been married to my amazing husband for almost 20 years. Together we share ...Read more
Grateful for the Help, but Uncomfortable With the Extras
Dear Annie: I am a nurse who needed to become a full-time caregiver for my mom, who is in her 90s. I have siblings; however, when I ask for their help, there is always an excuse. I haven't had a vacation in several years.
A friend of mine who is also a nurse offered to take care of my mom so I could have a long weekend off. I was so grateful ...Read more
Navigating Burnout and Feeling Left Behind
Dear Annie: It's been a long journey for my wife and I. I left grad school and we got married in 2008, just as the economy collapsed. It took us a while to get our careers going. After 10 years of struggle, we moved to a new state for new jobs, and right before the pandemic, my wife started working on her teaching degree. During all of this, ...Read more
Choosing Peace Over Family Drama
Dear Annie: I've made the decision to distance myself from my sister, who exhibits narcissistic, dramatic, needy and demanding behavior.
For years, I offered her help, advice and support, only to have the relationship follow a repetitive and unhealthy cycle. I would set boundaries and shut her out after being hurt but eventually let her back ...Read more
Struggling to Reconnect With Son
Dear Annie: We used to have an excellent relationship with our son, and he has a daughter who is now 19 years old. Seven years ago, he met a divorced woman whom we initially liked, but over time, things changed drastically. Since this new relationship began, our son's bond with his daughter has deteriorated to the point where they hardly see ...Read more
Home and Health Crisis
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 45 years, and at 72 and 67, we are both struggling with health issues. Our 43-year-old son still lives with us and works a low-income job. We're retired, of course, and unfortunately, our two-story home has become increasingly difficult to manage due to our health conditions. Getting up the ...Read more
Boundaries in Friendship and at Home
Dear Annie: I am writing in response to the letter about the friend who was snubbed and not invited to join the group. True friendship is built on respect, kindness and mutual support, not on dismissive or hurtful behavior. The writer sounds like a thoughtful and sensitive person, someone who values meaningful connections, and they deserve ...Read more
Decades-Long Friendship Strained by Money
Dear Annie: I've been friends with "Martha" for 42 years. I've always considered our friendship volatile, but I've excused her behavior due to her difficult upbringing. As we've grown up, not much has changed. She gets angry over nothing and stops speaking to me for sometimes months at a time. As children, it was about things like me making ...Read more
Long-Distance Doubts
Dear Annie: I met a woman, "Alice," on a dating site. We have been emailing each other for 27 months. We have never met; she lives in Seattle, and I live outside of Atlanta. We are both 70 years old.
I don't quite understand our relationship. We seem to get along really well, and she has my phone number but won't give me hers. I've asked for ...Read more
Moving On From Close Friendship
Dear Annie: I felt something was wrong with my closest friend for a while. She was my maid of honor but didn't have a shower for me. She also showed up at the wedding venue fully dressed and made up, when we were supposed to get ready together.
Weeks later, I said it was hurtful that no one had a shower for me. I asked her how she would feel ...Read more
Thoughts for Autumn
Dear Readers: Hope you are all having a lovely fall. Please see below some poems that help embrace the season.
"The Wild Swans at Coole" by William Butler Yeats
"The trees are in their autumn beauty, / The woodland paths are dry, / Under the October twilight the water / Mirrors a still sky; / Upon the brimming water among the stones / Are ...Read more
Finding Peace in Family Conflict
Dear Annie: I have a daughter who hasn't spoken to me for almost 20 years, though she still maintains contact with her father. My husband and I have been married for 40 years, but our relationship has been extremely difficult for me. I've felt trapped in the marriage because I worked as an aide in a classroom, earning about $20,000 a year, and...Read more
Overwhelmed by Ice Cream
Dear Annie: I read your column every day, and I read with great interest the letter from the wife whose husband had an affair 20 years earlier. She was bitter that none of her friends told her about it.
I found myself in a similar situation, only I was the friend, and I DID tell her that her husband was cheating on her. This was 35 years ago.
...Read more
Boundaries and Breakthroughs
Dear Annie: I just read today's letter from "Help," and it deeply resonated with my own experiences. Like "Help," I had a narcissistic mother and spent years struggling to reconcile my relationship with her while searching for my own happiness and balance.
Living with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is extremely ...Read more
Fed Up With Mom's Mess
Dear Annie: My elderly mom wants to move from her house in the country to a smaller home in town. This is her idea, and she's already looking for a house. However, she has a house, a garage and a barn full of stuff. I estimate that it will take us about six months to sort through, dispose of, donate, etc., the excess stuff if we are allowed ...Read more
Supporting a Struggling Friend
Dear Annie: I have a friend I'll call "Scott." We have known each other for 15 years or so and have been retired for the last few years. He enjoyed working before he retired due to a plant closure.
Now Scott drinks from 8 a.m. until 2 or so in the afternoon. He is in good spirits in the morning but is an absolutely depressed person by 2. He ...Read more
Is It Meant to Be? Navigating Red Flags With an Old Flame
Dear Annie: When I was 17 years old, I met a lovely guy here in Canada. We met through a mutual acquaintance. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, we went our separate ways.
Then, in 1992, I moved to Portugal. I was 20 years old. He was 25. He was in Portugal on vacation in 1993 and looked me up. He was living in Germany at the ...Read more
Unfulfilled by Long-Distance Relationship
Dear Annie: I've been in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year and a half. While it's been good for the most part, I feel like it might be time to call it quits. We video chat twice a week and text maybe twice a day, but it's not enough for me anymore. I brought this up early in our relationship, but she told me ...Read more
Marital Loneliness and Difficult Discoveries
Dear Annie: For the past four years, my wife and I have barely spoken. We don't share anything or do anything together anymore. The only connection I have left is driving my daughter to school. I've tried everything to fix things between us, but nothing seems to work. Now divorce feels like the only option. But when I think about my daughter's...Read more
When Cutting Ties Feel Necessary
Dear Annie: I am a sister who cut ties with a sibling, and I'd like to offer my perspective on why. Sometimes, family members who choose to disengage have valid reasons for doing so.
In my case, my sister has spent her life using and manipulating others. Her world is full of drama, and she constantly expects our family to rescue her from ...Read more