ArcaMax

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm an adult woman, but my father still tells me what to do as if I am a child. He will promise relatives that I'm attending their events without asking me first. He is very passive aggressive and doesn't directly ask me to do things; he will instead find a slick way to force me to do them. I hate disappointing him, but I can't ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend became good friends with a girl who used to pick on me in high school. I feel a bit betrayed, even though it was so many years ago. I almost feel a bit silly that feelings are so hurt about something that happened so long ago, but it still happened. This girl was so mean to me, and that's all I can think about when I ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: I opened up to my partner about my eating disorder, and I did not get the supportive response I wanted. I have silently struggled with my eating disorder for years, so telling my partner about it was a huge deal. When I told them, their response was underwhelming, to say the least. They encouraged me to start working out and find...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is extremely jealous and territorial. Every time I invite her to hang out with my other friends, she gets weirdly competitive for my attention. I asked her why she acts that way, and she told me that she didn't even notice that she was doing it. We had that conversation months ago, and she still hasn't changed her ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a 30-year-old woman who has a great relationship with both of my parents. I recently confided in my mother about something that I wasn't ready to tell my dad. Earlier this week, I found out that my mother spilled my secret to not only my father, but also to a few of her close friends whom I don't speak to very often. I'm ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother-in-law has a boyfriend who continuously treats her like trash. She kicks him out of her home once every few months, but he always ends up back in the house -- it's a toxic cycle. It is hard for me to keep watching her take him back, but I don't want to overstep. What can I say to help her understand that she needs to ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiance hates working for the Navy, but him staying enlisted is the quickest way for us to become financially stable. We will get so many benefits just for being married. He told me that if he stays, he will stay for us. I don't want him to be miserable at his job, but I'll be living pretty well if he stays. Should I encourage ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend talks way too much. I personally happen to like how much she talks, but it does make me nervous about bringing her around other people. My other friends aren't as chatty as she is. I don't want things to get awkward when I invite my best friend around my other friends. My other friends can be blunt and harsh -- I ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been living in my building for decades now. One of my neighbors has been here a long time, too. We have been friendly over the years, even though sometimes she has been a bit much. She can be loud and obnoxious, but mostly she's cool.

In the early COVID days, I learned that she has cancer. She used to be a boisterous ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so embarrassed. One of my dearest friends came to town, and we went out for brunch in my neighborhood. Afterward, we took a walk and ended up near my house. She asked if she could use my bathroom, and I had to say no. My house is a total mess. I could not allow her -- or anyone else -- to come inside. I felt so bad, but I ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend is very performative when it comes to social causes, and it bothers me. I cannot tell how genuine her support is because it seems that everything she does is for show. There are no actions behind her words. I think she only supports certain movements (i.e. Black Lives Matter and preventing the enforcement of the Texas ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a neighborhood that is predominantly Spanish-speaking, and where I go to school, most of the students are Latinx. I am the only non-Spanish-speaker in my friend group. My friends will speak Spanish in front of me, knowing that I cannot engage with them. I know that they are not talking about me or anything, but I do ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: My white co-worker is constantly talking down on hip-hop. This rubs me the wrong way because hip-hop is a predominantly Black genre. Am I right to view his loud disdain for the genre as a racial microaggression? -- Hip-Hop Lover

DEAR HIP-HOP LOVER: I wouldn't be so quick to call his comments a microaggression. He may truly not ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a freshman at my university. I have always had a strict schedule because of my parents, and now I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the amount of freedom I have in college. Is this normal? I can't believe it, but I'm actually missing my parents and their rules. I don't want to ask them to step in and help me. I am supposed to ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working out twice a week with a virtual trainer for a little over a year now. I am proud of myself for doing this and being mostly consistent, but it is taking forever to get real results. I can't do high-impact exercises because of a knee injury, but I am working out. The other day I put on some shorts, and I was ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've just been fired for the first time in my life. I was fired for something trivial, but I'd rather not explain that in upcoming interviews. Can I lie to potential employers and tell them that I was not fired? From my experience, new employers almost never call the previous job to check. -- White Lie

DEAR WHITE LIE: You do not...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a verbal argument with a man at a bar, and my boyfriend did not step in to defend me. I feel that as my boyfriend, it is his job to defend my honor at all times. The man did not get physical with me or threaten me in any way, but the simple fact that he was raising his voice at me should have set off my boyfriend. I ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine is upset with me because I did not hire her as the makeup artist for my wedding, but the truth is that I do not like the way she does other people's makeup. I cannot risk my makeup not looking exactly how I want it -- my wedding is way too special to take that type of risk. How do I tell her this in a nice ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: When my husband drinks, he gets nasty -- and he drinks a lot. Worse still, the next day he doesn't remember what he did or said the night before. I feel like this behavior only got worse while we were home for so long due to COVID-19. I have had enough. I'm tired of him cursing at me, telling me I don't know anything, screaming ...Read more

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think I might be staying with my girlfriend out of guilt. She's done so much for me and helped me through such rough times in my life, but I do feel that the magic is gone. I'm scared that she doesn't feel the way that I do and that our breakup will be much harder on her than me. What should I do? -- Guilty Boyfriend

DEAR ...Read more