ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I worked with someone who was uber passive-aggressive and made my life at work difficult. Fortunately, she retired at the end of the semester.

There was a retirement gathering for her with cake and coffee, given by her colleagues. I vowed long ago as division chair to never attend a gathering for this individual, so I skipped...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends with someone for 12 years. We used to do everything together, and were even roommates for a while.

Then she met a wealthy guy at the coast. I have met him a handful of times, and he always seems nice. They are now married and live on a yacht.

My husband and I spend most of our summer vacations at the same...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Between my husband and me, who have each been married previously to other people, we have four children, 11 grandchildren and five great-grandchildren. We have been married to each other for almost 25 years. Six of the grandchildren and all of the great-grandchildren have been born during our marriage.

I am especially close ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a breast augmentation surgery 20 years ago, for reasons that I still think were good ones. I am not interested in having to justify my choice to anyone, and in any case, it's not something I could undo even if I wanted to.

I'm now single and dating. It has happened more than once that a man sees me undressed for the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would be most grateful if you could provide guidance on how to graciously handle two common problems with email.

1. The response, "I never check that account."

What do we do when our correspondence goes into a black hole? A number of people have claimed that the message I sent went to an account that they never check. But ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always struggled to get along with my mother-in-law. We are very different in tastes and temperament. I have tried to be polite and welcoming, to encourage familial bonds and to find some way to make her happy, but nothing I have done has ever been right.

She is quite outspoken in her negative opinions, so time with ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am part of a group of six college friends from 50 years ago. We stay in touch by texting often, and getting together in person every few years. We are spread out geographically, but one friend and I are just a few miles apart and have always seen each other more often.

I was to stop by this friend's house to pick something ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been taking time off work to help care for my father, who has incurable cancer. To clients I don't know well, I've said, "I'll be out of town to help my dad, who is sick."

They almost invariably reply, "I hope he feels better soon." I know they mean well, and I usually manage to take it that way. But that doesn't stop ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would you consider it rude to bring an additional dish to a dinner, even if it wasn't requested?

This is for an Easter dinner, so it is a meal in which the dishes are meant to be special. When I asked what I could contribute, I was asked to bring a side. I'm more than happy to do this, but I'm also inspired to make a yummy ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What exactly are the rules for saving seats at an informal event where seats are not assigned?

When I was invited to my nephew's martial arts presentation, I arrived half an hour early to save seats for my family of five (three of us were present) because the others were coming from work and couldn't arrive early.

A woman ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My company has a return to office four days a week mandate this year. While it's nice to have the in-person camaraderie, co-workers who are conspicuously ill are coming in and spreading their contagion. (My company provides a generous two weeks of "occasional absence," which may be used for sick days, doctor appointments and ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm no more a fan of call waiting than Miss Manners is, but I do want to defend its limited utility. I was co-owner and manager of a small business for several years, and I frequently had to act as receptionist by answering our office phone.

If I'm on the phone and call waiting sounds, I ask Party A to wait 15 seconds while I...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am curious what the etiquette is at a gathering when music is playing in a friend's home on the voice-controlled device.

Is it OK for a guest to speak directly to the device to ask it to play a song?

GENTLE READER: Many of us remain skeptical of manufacturers' claims that if only we keep paying for upgrades, tomorrow's ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work as an usher at a popular field house that hosts a large number of sporting and entertainment events (concerts, comedy shows, etc.). One of the rules is that we are not allowed to accept tips.

On occasion, a guest will offer a tip, usually for something I have done above and beyond simply helping them find their seat. ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: From the files of "good manners run amok," is it ever impolite to be friendly?

I work in a bustling environment where my sole 30-minute break is in a shared break room, where I like to read or just eat quietly and enjoy the peacefulness. One colleague comes in daily to use the microwave and always announces her entrance with ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband got a new job, and as a way to get to know his new co-workers, we decided to host a holiday party at our house. We invited the people he works closest with, his immediate boss, and everyone's spouses. It was about 10 people in all.

I am not used to being a hostess, but put a great deal of effort, time and money ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable to place a small evening clutch on the table while dining out?

Often, the restaurant chairs have open backs, so if I place the clutch behind me, it falls to the floor. (In the worst cases, it spills its contents, too.) If I place it in my lap under my napkin, if frequently slides to the floor, because my ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There are many examples of technology and bad behavior merging, and I ask for your opinion regarding one that bothers me: people locking their vehicles by pressing the key fob twice, which causes the vehicle to omit a loud chirp.

All one has to do to lock a car is push the button inside the door, or at most, push the fob once...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My teenage son had begun seeing a new neurologist, who is highly recommended and seems to be very skilled. We have had two appointments with this doctor, and both times, he used at least a half-dozen swear words in the 20-minute appointment.

He's young, very friendly, very informal, and probably thinks it's no big deal ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a bridal shower where the bride-to-be asked for "no gifts, please." Half the attendees showed up with gifts anyway, and the ones who honored her request and didn't bring a gift were left to feel cheap.

It was awkward for everyone, including the bride-to-be, who wasn't sure if she should open the gifts or not. What ...Read more