ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a Ph.D. student in a college town where the local public bus also serves as the campus bus, and students get free fare. As a result, it is often very crowded, mostly with undergrads.

At my advanced age of 30, I have learned (or at least thought I'd learned) that on a very crowded bus, it is accepted practice to get off ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have skills and interests that are rather unusual in modern times. I enjoy these hobbies immensely, though I make a point of not bringing them up with new acquaintances, since they are not likely to make a two-way conversation flow.

When I meet a friend of a friend, however, my interests are invariably a part of the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had season tickets to the orchestra for a couple of decades. For evening concerts, the orchestra wears white tie, and women soloists wear evening dress. For afternoon concerts, the soloists still wear evening dress, and the men in the orchestra wear black suits, black shirts and black ties.

The musicians who are women,...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After several decades of typing on keyboards, I have lost my ability to write nicely by hand. My solution is to send electronic notes -- for expressing appreciation, recognizing significant events, etc.

There are several lovely e-card forms available. Using them results in more timely responses, as well as significant savings...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Three years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. I was extremely fortunate: My tumor was removed and I did not require radiation or chemo. I have my screenings yearly and all has been well.

Am I a "cancer survivor"? I never want to take anything away from someone who had a much more difficult battle than I did. I don't want to ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a ministry leader at my church and am well-known within the congregation. After the church service, many people like to stay in the lobby for a few minutes to chat.

I find myself often in an embarrassing situation that I don't know how to handle: Suppose I've been chatting with someone, let's call them Person A, for just...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boss let me know that my co-workers have often "told on me," reporting when I arrive back to work three minutes late from lunch or leave a few minutes early (to make sure I took the time off).

I don't know how to continue to work with these people and see them daily, now that I know that none of them are my friends -- and ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should a daughter spend Father's Day with her husband or her father?

I haven't seen my daughter on Father's Day since she got married 18 years ago. Her husband demands to spend Father's Day at their beach house 300 miles away, and later, they will want to host me there for a visit.

I think this is extremely selfish of him ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We've been invited to a combination multi-graduate/Father's Day gathering at an in-law's house. The hosts suggested it in order to honor all the fathers in the family, as well as the three graduates: my husband from grad school, our son from high school and the hosts' daughter from high school. Our in-laws have offered to ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have become friends with another couple over the past two years, and we frequently invite them for dinner. Lately, I've noticed that the husband leaves the toilet seat up after using the bathroom.

Both my husband and I have a habit of closing the lid before flushing. Is there a way I can politely bring this up with our ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to hear your opinion on whether or not using "Excuse me" can be rude.

In my opinion, if I can see that a person's activity will only take a minute, it is rude to say, "Excuse me," and expect them to stop what they're doing to allow me to accomplish my task. The proper thing to do, in my mind, is to patiently wait...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an executive chef at a five-star restaurant who frequently entertains at home. I love to cook creatively and come up with ideas for things the guests have never had done before, usually with success.

However, I got some feedback after a dinner party that makes me wonder if I may have breached a rule of etiquette of which...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After well over a year of enduring political campaigning, we are quite fatigued from it all. The results were quite disappointing to us.

Then our dear neighbor announced they were mounting a campaign to run for a state district office and requested our substantial financial and fundraising support.

While understanding the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I own a beachfront timeshare with two bedrooms, each with a full bath attached. When I invite a guest, should I offer them the much larger "owner's suite," or the very-nice-but-smaller guest suite?

Do I take my guidance from the names of these spaces, or should I give my guest the larger space?

GENTLE READER: The reason you ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Relative to the longstanding tradition of men proposing marriage to women, and in this day of slow (but hopefully inexorable) movement towards gender equity, I wonder if the percent of marriage proposals initiated by women has increased. Should it?

GENTLE READER: Sure, it should. In a sensible world, it would hardly matter ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend and I have a long-standing, semi-joking disagreement, but I do think my behavior bothers her, and I just don't understand why.

We typically meet for dinner. Now, I am not a big dining-out person. I am just not that interested in food. I'm more of an "eat to live" person, if you know what I mean.

My friend gets a lot...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend, Nora, whom I have known since high school. She now lives in a nearby town, but too far to just make a visit for the day, so when we do get together, it requires a weekend stay for her and her husband.

We do get along and enjoy their visit, except for one thing. When I entertain, I like to plan all the meals, ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in an upscale office building in the downtown core. Our building is supposed to be solicitor-free, but on occasion we get walk-in solicitors, companies trying to sell their services and people trying to give resumes.

This is both annoying and bothersome. Our office is locked, so these people need to ring or knock to be...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was on a flight and sitting in the aisle seat. The middle seat and window seat were occupied by strangers. The plane had landed, and people were standing in the aisle waiting for the door to open. I remained seated, waiting for the aisle to clear.

The woman in the window seat reached over and poked me, telling me to stand ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems more and more of my friends' young adult children are getting tattoos. Often my friends share the news like the tattoo is some sort of accomplishment and, if the young adult is present, will summon them over to show off the new ink to (presumably) collect compliments.

While I don't begrudge others doing what they ...Read more