ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been at my new job nearly two years, and I sincerely enjoy what I do. When I was originally hired, the benefits made my decision to switch jobs much easier. I receive a regular hourly salary and yearly raise, and the other incentive was a quarterly bonus based on commissions.

The first two bonuses came as promised, but...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've always had difficulty with making conversation and verbalizing my ideas. Even though I've worked in a management position in a professional office, chatting just doesn't come easy to me. It has been suggested that I might have Asperger's.

More times than I can remember, I've been told "You're so quiet!" -- either alone ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband often compliments ladies -- young or old, married or single -- by saying how beautiful their hair is, or how nice their dress is, or that he likes the color.

Some get offended, and some even believe he's hitting on them, when he's merely paying compliments. What is the appropriate way to compliment today?

GENTLE ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went out with three friends for what was billed as a chance to enjoy oysters together. When we got to the restaurant, it turned out one of our party didn't like oysters and decided to get a salad instead. One of our party told the server that we would just be getting the oysters and the salad. I hadn't really decided whether...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a single lady in my late 60s, but appear to be 20 to 25 years younger. I am in good health and enjoy youthful activities like badminton, Frisbee, swimming, canoeing and camping. My outlook and constitution have always been those of a younger lady.

I have met a law enforcement officer who is about 25 years younger than I....Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother passed away and I found out about it from a nephew (not my brother's son) who posted it on social media. I find it absolutely disrespectful that my sister-in-law would not personally call me or any of my siblings (there are four of us) to notify us of his death.

It's not a matter of conflict with anybody. My sister...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I started dating my fiance four years ago, I became friends with the wife of one of his best friends. The relationship had been fine until a friends' weekend away.

One evening, I tried to slow our group down to wait for my fiance, who was walking about five minutes behind us all, before we sat down to dinner. We were on ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've understood from reading your work that asking for to-go boxes at restaurants is apparently considered rude. Could you please explain why? I've heard this from other sources as well, but it doesn't make any sense to me, nor align with my own experience.

I care very much about the issue of food waste, and try to let as ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As I am a woman over 60 with graying hair, people constantly ask if I have grandchildren. I don't, nor do I have children.

I realize these people are just trying to make conversation, but when I answer in the negative, the conversation stops dead and makes for an awkward silence.

I've tried changing the subject or talking ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend has a dreadful habit of always mentioning, as an aside, how wealthy -- or strapped -- someone is when their name comes up in conversation. Some of these people I know, some I do not.

I wish I had addressed this habit when she was still merely an acquaintance, but it's only now that we often speak on the phone that it...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I moved offices in a large organization, and now share an open area with five new colleagues. One of them had, in the past, purchased a coffee machine for general use in this area. I asked if I could use it, and was told "certainly." We all bring our own coffee pods, and several of us bring jugs of water to fill the water ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We invited another couple to join us at a popular annual concert for which we had been given tickets. The invitation did not include dinner because of other commitments we had already made.

They wanted to go to their favorite restaurant before the performance, and offered to meet us at the concert. However, we had been ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance at my gym stopped me and said, "Oh, I DO wish you hadn't had your hair cut!"

Not having heard her well, I said, "I'm sorry?" She repeated it. "Excuse me?" I then said, to indicate offense. Thinking I still hadn't heard her, she repeated it once more. "I'm not quite sure how to respond to that," I replied.

She...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister is a deeply unhappy person, always on the lookout for some reason to be offended. Everyone in the family has always tiptoed around her and tried to read her mind, lest we failed to fulfill her unspoken expectations. We all struggled to be absolutely perfect in order to keep the peace and avoid her wrath.

Of course, ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do I do when guests bring their own guests to our house?

I am not a practiced hostess, so I plan everything beforehand: menu, dishes to use, tables needed, etc. I've had guests show up at the door with family members who "happened to be in town." I've had to add tables, bring down extra dishes and send my husband for ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often do the evening kitchen clearing and dishwashing for our household, and I do a thorough job. While working at the sink, I often wish to spit into the drain, but hesitate, wondering if it is appropriate. When I do spit, I am careful and it goes directly into the drain, so it doesn't contaminate the sink at all.

I'm ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few days ago, my mother-in-law informed me of the death of her husband's brother. I passed along the news to more distant relatives who needed to be informed.

A day later, however, my father-in-law told us that the uncle in question was ... not actually dead. I updated the relatives, but I had trouble not making it sound ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I run an online company and buy additional merchandise locally, one to three times a year. The money spent is at stores where there is an option to negotiate price.

I am having trouble because the salespeople, and even other customers, are always asking me why I'm buying so much and who it's for. If I tell them it's for my ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I use text messages to ask and answer specific questions or to relay information. For conversations, I use telephone calls.

A former graduate student recently contacted me via text message, and I was really enjoying catching up. If we had been conversing via phone, I would have known the cues that indicated whether and when ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I always sent a Mother's Day card to my dear mother, who has since passed away. I also acknowledged any close motherly relatives.

My three children are grown with children of their own. However, my one daughter seems to think that I should give her a card, whereas I think her own children should have that filial duty when ...Read more