ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a place where many cultures and nationalities abound. When I was at a restaurant with friends the other day, we were served by a comely waitress.

My friend commented on the beauty of the "Asian waitress," but I thought she was Latina.

Is there a tactful and proper way to ask? Or are we better off not asking such a ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am wondering if it would be crass or in poor taste to give a new widow a thoughtful sympathy card with money in it, rather than sending flowers.

A dear friend just became widowed in her late 40s after her husband's somewhat lengthy and most unexpected illness.

My friend has been a stay-at-home mom throughout her marriage, ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can I politely invite someone to my home but also indicate that they should not bring their friends or family with them?

We moved a couple years ago to a different city, and made new friends we really like. We also have neighbors a couple of houses away who will just come over to join any gathering without an invite.

I ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have discovered that my husband's small business has been sending out birthday/anniversary cards addressed to clients by their first names (i.e. Joe Smith). I believe that the envelopes should be addressed using a title (Mr. Joe Smith). I have been informed by my husband, and his young receptionist, that using the title is ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a teetotaler. My husband and most of our friends are avid connoisseurs of wine and spirits. Normally, this is not a problem, as I can politely excuse myself from any events that are primarily about appreciating alcohol.

But an etiquette issue sometimes arises when we're hosting dinner at our place. The first couple of ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A very long time ago, my husband and I were invited to dinner at a restaurant by a colleague of his. I had not met the colleague or his wife prior to the dinner.

The men promised they wouldn't talk shop, but they did -- throughout the entire meal. There was no inclusion of us women. I tried to initiate a conversation with the...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of the highlights of our trip to Paris was an opera performance at the Palais Garnier. The opera, "Medee" by Cherubini, is in excess of four hours, with two brief intermissions.

We were seated in the two front seats of a box in the first loge with three pairs of seats behind us. Without an aisle, the box occupants must ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I shared a cute photo of my daughter with several other mothers by creating a group text. It was a single picture of my daughter, not a mile-long text exchange.

One of the mothers texted me separately not to include her in a text chain with people she does not know, and then exited the group.

Is it bad text etiquette to do ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I belong to a local social media group that lets people loan and borrow items. I recently posted a query asking to borrow a piece of equipment for an upcoming surgery, and someone graciously responded. I'd like to include a token of my gratitude upon returning the item, but have no idea what, since this person is a stranger to...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an acquaintance who frequently walks her dog at the same time I do. She is a nice person, and we get along well; our dogs even like each other.

We are both female. The issue is that her skirts or sundresses keep getting shorter. I avert my eyes, but I have seen more of her anatomy than I care to. I have also seen a ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: To prevent party guests from driving impaired, I came up with a fun game using a $21 breathalyzer I bought online. I call it "Have I Had Too Many?"

Guests who are at, or even close to, the legal limit get a prize -- a free ride home!

Everything was going great until one guest tested at well over twice the legal limit, but ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is your opinion on handkerchiefs? I prefer them to tissues.

I have seen brides, at weddings that cost thousands of dollars, crying into wadded-up tissues. If they really find it so disgusting to reuse a soiled handkerchief, they could invest a few dollars in a multi-pack and get a fresh one each time. Also, I believe ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I remember growing up, when we had visitors who were new to our house, my mother would give them the "grand tour." I now do that with all of my first-time visitors.

I have, however, noticed that nobody else does this when I am a first-time visitor -- making my initial query about the bathroom a little awkward.

Did people ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm an adult with physical and emotional disabilities, and I live with my caregiver. I have an older friend who is a very sweet person with good intentions, but I feel like she doesn't really understand my needs.

Among other things, I have a catheter and use a wheelchair. She often says she wants to "take me out on the town" ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've noticed that some mature women do not change how they apply makeup as they get older, which makes their maturing features begin to look, well, clownlike.

For instance, their lipstick may be too dark for their skin tone and may be applied beyond the natural vermilion line in an effort to give the lips a fuller appearance,...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is turning 9 soon, and we will be having a small party with four of her closest friends. We are hosting the party at the clubhouse facility in our condo complex.

There is a fifth girl we know, "Kiara," who also lives in the complex, with whom my daughter sometimes plays. I consider her mom somewhat of a friend, ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a Ph.D. student in a college town where the local public bus also serves as the campus bus, and students get free fare. As a result, it is often very crowded, mostly with undergrads.

At my advanced age of 30, I have learned (or at least thought I'd learned) that on a very crowded bus, it is accepted practice to get off ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have skills and interests that are rather unusual in modern times. I enjoy these hobbies immensely, though I make a point of not bringing them up with new acquaintances, since they are not likely to make a two-way conversation flow.

When I meet a friend of a friend, however, my interests are invariably a part of the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had season tickets to the orchestra for a couple of decades. For evening concerts, the orchestra wears white tie, and women soloists wear evening dress. For afternoon concerts, the soloists still wear evening dress, and the men in the orchestra wear black suits, black shirts and black ties.

The musicians who are women,...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After several decades of typing on keyboards, I have lost my ability to write nicely by hand. My solution is to send electronic notes -- for expressing appreciation, recognizing significant events, etc.

There are several lovely e-card forms available. Using them results in more timely responses, as well as significant savings...Read more