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Old Photo Brings Back Tough Memories

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of my boyfriend posted a years-old photo of a bunch of their friends, and she tagged one person as a way of saying "happy birthday" to them.

The photo included my boyfriend and his then-girlfriend. Their breakup was very hard on him, which everyone knows. Everyone also knows he is doing well now, and has been in a ...Read more

Future Mil May Be Nice, But She's Not 'mom'

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been with my fiance for 16 years. I have a good relationship with his mother, though I wouldn't call us best friends.

We talk and get along well when we go to her house, but she and I don't spend time together on our own -- only when my partner and I go visit her. Her husband died six months ago, so we have been trying ...Read more

Amateur Historian Spills Tragic Family History

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a group email from a younger family member that included all of the relatives of my generation, and some younger. The subject was a beloved aunt who passed away years ago.

Apparently, this young man had been doing some ancestry research, and sent the family some of his results regarding my aunt. It was filled with ...Read more

I Don't Want To Shame My Friends For Their Terrible Taste

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I talk about my preferences for the art I consume without demeaning others' tastes or seeming like a snob?

For example, many of my friends enjoy superhero movies and cartoons. I do not; I don't find these movies interesting or original. I recognize, though, that the love my friends have for these big-name franchises is...Read more

It's The Almost-Thought That Counts

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you say to someone who says they were going to give you something, "but ..."?

Two things that have actually happened to me:

1. I came home and my mom said, "By the way, are you hungry? I did cook you some dinner, but I ate it."

2. I met a friend for lunch and she said, "Did you know I hosted a tea party? I thought ...Read more

Wrong Restaurant Order? Speak Up!

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate thing to do or say when one's restaurant order is wrong?

When I had lunch with a group of eight people, the waiter did not write down any of our orders. That was not a good start. He brought me a spicy salad drenched in dressing, when I had asked for the non-spicy salad, dressing on the side. Judging ...Read more

If Your Friend Has Forgotten Your Gaffe, You Should, Too

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I made a serious error when speaking to someone with cancer by referring to people not diagnosed with the disease as "normal" -- as in, "Can normal people get periodically scanned?"

I quickly corrected myself, but I still agonize over it, two weeks later. I don't know what I was thinking and I'm so embarrassed.

This is a ...Read more

Mr. Jones, Mr. Smith, Mr. Adams -- And Judy

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I participate in a regular online exercise class, in which all the clients are veterans -- and mostly men. I am usually the only woman in the group. Participants generally sign on several minutes early to chitchat, and the host (a woman) greets everyone as she sees them.

My irritation is that she greets all the men as "Mr.," ...Read more

Helping Pay For The Wedding Without Insulting In-Laws

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is engaged to a lovely young woman, whom my son's mother and I like a lot. The bride-to-be's father, a very nice man, announced that he would be paying for the wedding "as is tradition" in order to help the couple, as they are still just starting their careers.

I told him that it was generous of him to offer, but that ...Read more

New Friendship On The Rocks After Shared Vacation

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two years ago, I introduced my close, longtime friend, Nora, to Lauren, an acquaintance whose husband is my husband's boss. To my delight, they hit it off -- so much so that a few months ago, they decided to go on a three-week trip together.

The vacation was a disaster. The women fought constantly. As my close friend, Nora ...Read more

Backstage Chitchat Can Be Tricky

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I saw a theatrical production that was written by, and starred, a friend of a friend. This person used to live in our city. Our mutual friend suggested we convey their greetings after the show.

My wife was very reluctant to do so, but I was not. The star was incredibly happy to see us and to receive our friend's ...Read more

What Not To Say When Someone Loses A Pregnancy

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been trying to conceive a child for some time. Our first pregnancy ended at seven weeks in a miscarriage, which started during a visit to my mother-in-law's home. She had not known we were trying, and then the cat was out of the bag.

She was very kind and sympathetic immediately after we returned from ...Read more

Ways To Tiptoe Around Saying 'you're Wrong'

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are some polite, humble alternatives to "I may be wrong, but ..."?

I find myself increasingly defaulting to this phrase when, as far as I can tell, I'm not wrong. Usually the context is that something looked off to me, so I went and double-checked and found that, yes, it was off, and the issue then needed a follow-up.

...Read more

Please Let Me Have Lunch In Peace

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I tell my friend to go away and leave me alone? I need my alone time to recharge, but she will keep talking and bothering me, especially during lunch at the studio where I work.

She loves to eat spicy chips and they smell gross, and I don't think she has ever chewed with her mouth closed. Other than that, she is a good...Read more

Don't Brush Off Others' Food Allergies

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and four of our seven children have allergies to various foods, including pork, mushrooms and onions. Most of our friends and family know this, and will go out of their way to avoid these things. If they are having pork, they will make something extra for the two kids who can't eat it, for example. We also try to ...Read more

'next Time, Please Give Up Your Seat To Someone Richer'

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife's best friend from high school, "Nelly," has become a very successful businesswoman. Each year, she will invite us to the fall fundraiser for the local performing arts society, which raises funds for local theater groups. She will buy a table of eight for this event and invite us to join her.

The event has both silent...Read more

Nobody Is Honest All The Time

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a strong moral requirement not to lie, which has led me to reflect on the role of full truthfulness in good manners. I often observe people giving false reasons or intentionally omitting pertinent details to politely avoid something.

While I understand the intent is usually to spare someone's feelings or avoid ...Read more

Fancy Wedding 'extras' Are Choices, Not Requirements

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have taken note of repeat inquiries about how to deal with not being invited to a wedding -- presumably, though not always in so many words, without being a jerk in return.

I would like to point out that weddings have gotten exceedingly expensive and that couples simply cannot afford to invite everyone to the reception. In ...Read more

Customers Unsure About Coming To The Door

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I run a shop from my house. It's mostly online, but occasionally I have customers make an appointment to visit "in store." Many of them will just text "I'm here" from their parked cars and stay there, waiting for some kind of invitation by text.

I think this is stupid and rude. I am in my "shop," waiting for a knock at the ...Read more

Guest Insists That Burnt Dinner Be Salvaged

Life Advice / Miss Manners /

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were hosting a casual dinner party in our home for two couples we like very much. One couple brought their two children, who get along well with my two children.

I planned to make a dish that is usually easy for me, but somehow, between helping the guests find things in the kitchen and helping the children ...Read more

 

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