ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is your opinion on handkerchiefs? I prefer them to tissues.

I have seen brides, at weddings that cost thousands of dollars, crying into wadded-up tissues. If they really find it so disgusting to reuse a soiled handkerchief, they could invest a few dollars in a multi-pack and get a fresh one each time. Also, I believe ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I remember growing up, when we had visitors who were new to our house, my mother would give them the "grand tour." I now do that with all of my first-time visitors.

I have, however, noticed that nobody else does this when I am a first-time visitor -- making my initial query about the bathroom a little awkward.

Did people ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm an adult with physical and emotional disabilities, and I live with my caregiver. I have an older friend who is a very sweet person with good intentions, but I feel like she doesn't really understand my needs.

Among other things, I have a catheter and use a wheelchair. She often says she wants to "take me out on the town" ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've noticed that some mature women do not change how they apply makeup as they get older, which makes their maturing features begin to look, well, clownlike.

For instance, their lipstick may be too dark for their skin tone and may be applied beyond the natural vermilion line in an effort to give the lips a fuller appearance,...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is turning 9 soon, and we will be having a small party with four of her closest friends. We are hosting the party at the clubhouse facility in our condo complex.

There is a fifth girl we know, "Kiara," who also lives in the complex, with whom my daughter sometimes plays. I consider her mom somewhat of a friend, ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a Ph.D. student in a college town where the local public bus also serves as the campus bus, and students get free fare. As a result, it is often very crowded, mostly with undergrads.

At my advanced age of 30, I have learned (or at least thought I'd learned) that on a very crowded bus, it is accepted practice to get off ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have skills and interests that are rather unusual in modern times. I enjoy these hobbies immensely, though I make a point of not bringing them up with new acquaintances, since they are not likely to make a two-way conversation flow.

When I meet a friend of a friend, however, my interests are invariably a part of the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had season tickets to the orchestra for a couple of decades. For evening concerts, the orchestra wears white tie, and women soloists wear evening dress. For afternoon concerts, the soloists still wear evening dress, and the men in the orchestra wear black suits, black shirts and black ties.

The musicians who are women,...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After several decades of typing on keyboards, I have lost my ability to write nicely by hand. My solution is to send electronic notes -- for expressing appreciation, recognizing significant events, etc.

There are several lovely e-card forms available. Using them results in more timely responses, as well as significant savings...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Three years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. I was extremely fortunate: My tumor was removed and I did not require radiation or chemo. I have my screenings yearly and all has been well.

Am I a "cancer survivor"? I never want to take anything away from someone who had a much more difficult battle than I did. I don't want to ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a ministry leader at my church and am well-known within the congregation. After the church service, many people like to stay in the lobby for a few minutes to chat.

I find myself often in an embarrassing situation that I don't know how to handle: Suppose I've been chatting with someone, let's call them Person A, for just...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boss let me know that my co-workers have often "told on me," reporting when I arrive back to work three minutes late from lunch or leave a few minutes early (to make sure I took the time off).

I don't know how to continue to work with these people and see them daily, now that I know that none of them are my friends -- and ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should a daughter spend Father's Day with her husband or her father?

I haven't seen my daughter on Father's Day since she got married 18 years ago. Her husband demands to spend Father's Day at their beach house 300 miles away, and later, they will want to host me there for a visit.

I think this is extremely selfish of him ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We've been invited to a combination multi-graduate/Father's Day gathering at an in-law's house. The hosts suggested it in order to honor all the fathers in the family, as well as the three graduates: my husband from grad school, our son from high school and the hosts' daughter from high school. Our in-laws have offered to ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have become friends with another couple over the past two years, and we frequently invite them for dinner. Lately, I've noticed that the husband leaves the toilet seat up after using the bathroom.

Both my husband and I have a habit of closing the lid before flushing. Is there a way I can politely bring this up with our ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to hear your opinion on whether or not using "Excuse me" can be rude.

In my opinion, if I can see that a person's activity will only take a minute, it is rude to say, "Excuse me," and expect them to stop what they're doing to allow me to accomplish my task. The proper thing to do, in my mind, is to patiently wait...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an executive chef at a five-star restaurant who frequently entertains at home. I love to cook creatively and come up with ideas for things the guests have never had done before, usually with success.

However, I got some feedback after a dinner party that makes me wonder if I may have breached a rule of etiquette of which...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After well over a year of enduring political campaigning, we are quite fatigued from it all. The results were quite disappointing to us.

Then our dear neighbor announced they were mounting a campaign to run for a state district office and requested our substantial financial and fundraising support.

While understanding the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I own a beachfront timeshare with two bedrooms, each with a full bath attached. When I invite a guest, should I offer them the much larger "owner's suite," or the very-nice-but-smaller guest suite?

Do I take my guidance from the names of these spaces, or should I give my guest the larger space?

GENTLE READER: The reason you ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Relative to the longstanding tradition of men proposing marriage to women, and in this day of slow (but hopefully inexorable) movement towards gender equity, I wonder if the percent of marriage proposals initiated by women has increased. Should it?

GENTLE READER: Sure, it should. In a sensible world, it would hardly matter ...Read more