ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable to invite more people to your wedding than may be accommodated, on the theory that inevitably some invitees will decline? Does it matter whether the limit is set by law, venue policy or logistical necessity?

GENTLE READER: How much of a gambler are you?

Most people invite more people than they expect to ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several years ago, after a long and unhappy marriage, I finally found the strength to leave my husband. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made, but I knew I needed to do it for my own well-being.

Because our son was in high school at the time, his dad and I agreed that we would leave it up to him whether he wanted...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know this will probably sound trivial, but: Who should decide who gets the leftover birthday cake?

See? I told you it was trivial.

I made a birthday cake for my nephew. While I was icing it, I mentioned to his mom (my sister-in-law) that we could share the leftovers. She replied that it was his cake, so he got all of it. I...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The oddest thing started happening to me when I reached my 80s: Strangers began approaching me to tell me how beautiful I am. It continues regularly at the supermarket, at restaurants or on the bus.

It is unnerving and embarrassing. All my life, no one ever told me I was cute or attractive. I am not ugly, but I've never ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a good friend who lives near us and is part of a circle of friends who attend each other's gatherings. This friend has become a doomscroller and is very agitated with the political scene. I have asked him to please just try to enjoy our time together and keep the mood light at the parties we host. However, he can't ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I moved to the U.S., I found quite a bit of difference in the dinner party etiquette compared to my home country. When an American co-worker invited me and other friends for dinner with his family at home, it turned out to be extremely stressful, as I was more concerned about avoiding a cultural faux pas than enjoying the...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter was recently married -- a second marriage both for her and for her new husband. They had a lovely ceremony and invited close family and good friends -- well, some good friends.

Three of my daughter's friends work with her new husband's ex-wife. The couple received neither cards nor gifts from this trio. She feels ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Will you please write something about people not talking from their windows, especially from a second-floor window to someone below at the door?

GENTLE READER: While she agrees that it is impolite to yell at all hours and disturb the neighbors, Miss Manners cannot agree to the more absolute ban you seek. It would do away with...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were on the coast and stopped at a quaint place for lunch. I ordered a lobster tail, which came with the shell on. When I started to open it, it suddenly flew off my plate and out into the dining room somewhere.

Being an independent and adventurous woman, I decided to go track it down and found myself ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to deal with being stood up for social plans?

Over the years, people have said things to me such as, "I'm going to break off our lunch plans for today, OK? I'm going to lunch with someone else." Or, "I can't meet you for breakfast on Saturday like we'd planned; I'm going to go and play golf with ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to protect one's bosom while eating?

To put it in perspective, I am quite short. When at a restaurant, the table often hits at my bust line. When I eat, I am sitting away from the table, and am not tall enough to lean over slightly. Anything that falls, from soup to nuts, so to speak, lands on my "shelf...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught that women sit with their legs together, just crossed at the ankles. My daughter is trying to have her daughter not cross her legs, but she sees all those TV women sit that way.

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners has noticed that a few notable women on TV (as opposed to "TV women") have actually been crossing their legs...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an aunt to a niece who is married with two sons. She's always been somewhat naive about certain things. This last Christmas, she gave me a $25 gift card to a place where I get pedicures. I was somewhat surprised, as a pedicure here costs $49.

She and her husband make a combined income of over $150,000. They recently ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've become lost for words greeting people I interact with on a regular basis -- for example, neighbors and store employees.

After greeting them with a smile, I ask them, "How are you today?" I'm then met with a barrage of things going wrong in their lives, their financial hardships, and many details of illnesses.

I do have ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The 4th of July is quickly approaching. Every year, due to my home being in close proximity to the city's fireworks display, I am bombarded with uninvited visitors. I do invite some friends over, but I spend the evening chasing trespassers off my property.

How do I politely tell people in advance that I do not want smoking or...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We had arranged with our son and daughter-in-law to babysit their 1- and 4-year-olds so they could go to an out-of-town concert, being gone for two nights. Three days before we were to arrive, the 4-year-old got sick and they took him to urgent care.

He continued to get worse, and the doctor sent them to the children's ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband died, his old girlfriend crawled out of the woodwork and wrote a tribute on his memory page about their "relationship from years in the past."

This was extremely hurtful to me. I feel like writing a response to her in the comment section of what she wrote.

GENTLE READER: Please don't. Let your friends be ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It is like a compulsion for many people to forward emails they've received, usually filled with jokes and such. To my surprise, many seem to enjoy those emails.

I stopped everybody from forwarding me those emails by telling them the truth: If I want jokes, I will buy a book of jokes. I have TV sets, radios, newspapers and all...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 25-year-old-lawyer who worked as a law clerk for a year before passing the bar exam. When I accompany the partner to hearings where a client is present, I invariably get asked whether I am still in law school or how I like being a paralegal.

What is the appropriate response? Also, when I am in the office, sometimes ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As my guests were all sitting around in my living room after a nice dinner, one friend took their socks off. This has happened three times in the past two months.

One time, they said, "I hope you don't mind, but I have to take my socks off." By then, one sock was already off.

I was shocked and didn't know what to do. If it ...Read more