ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, I've maintained a special fondness for the act of writing and addressing Christmas cards to about 50 friends (old and new) and family members. I find taking a moment to think of valued relationships, even if only once a year, to be heartwarming and restorative.

However, in recent years, more and more ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I respond when someone comments that I appear too stylish or well-dressed?

This happened at a casual luncheon at a friend's home. I pointed out that I was wearing jeans and a T-shirt. My thought had been that the hostess had put a lot of effort into her luncheon, so my outfit should reflect a bit of effort, too.

...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the mother of a terrific 15-year-old girl. She's a joy to be around, has lovely friends, does fine in school, is both interesting and interested, etc.

I may be prejudiced, so I'll name some flaws, as well: She frequently needs to be reminded about chores; she'll sleep late, and can be forgetful; and now and then there's ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can I politely stop someone from showing me endless photos on their cellphone?

I have never been much of a picture-taker, and don't enjoy looking at other people's photos. I can pretend interest in one or two, but after that, my eyes glaze over and I am looking for an escape route.

I don't want to insult my friends or ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are in the process of adopting my sweet 2-year-old nephew. He has lived with us since he was 7 weeks old, due to my sister and brother-in-law's inability to care for him.

He is the sweetest, happiest child you could ever want to know, and has bright red hair. This garners him a ton of attention when we are ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one politely, yet firmly, respond to people who insult one's profession?

I am a lawyer, and I say so when I'm asked what my profession is. Some people feel it is then their right, or even their obligation, to go on a tirade against all lawyers. This happens mostly at social gatherings where I would prefer not to ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 54-year-old woman whose given name is Brett (a name typically given to boys). My mother loved the name after reading Ernest Hemingway's "The Sun Also Rises," and decided, long before I was born, to give that name to her child. I believe she was ahead of her time, and I admire her for that.

To be honest, I did not enjoy...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My question concerns the phrase "thoughts and prayers," which imposes one's own religion on those with differing (or no) religious beliefs.

I do respect the rights of individuals to believe in and practice their own religion. I do not, however, think that any religious beliefs/practices should be forced upon others.

I am a ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law is very concerned that my love of bright colors and patterns conveys "lower class" standards to her uppity family.

Her snobbery and striving led to our falling out when I disagreed with her dictating what her extended family would wear on a vacation that she did not pay for. She tried to insist that the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a dinner party where the hostess, a paralegal at a local law firm, was telling us about a conversation she had in her office with one of the partners. The actual point of the story became secondary to our conversation when she set the stage with, "When he sat down, I made sure to lower my chair so that I sat lower ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother is getting married for the second time. He first married about 25 years ago, divorcing 10 years later.

Since then, he has left a trail of destruction and heartbreak: He has cheated on, and lost, a series of partners, and even got fired from a lucrative job because he conducted multiple affairs with employees.

His ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The husband of a friend remarked (shouted, actually) to me, from outside of a closed bathroom door, that I wear too much makeup! I was mortified, and of course, I had not asked for his opinion.

What would have been the proper response?

GENTLE READER: As you were behind a closed bathroom door, the proper response was silence....Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sat at a charity event with a friend who is being treated for anxiety. My friend abruptly pointed out a flaw in another woman's appearance. That woman ran out of the room, probably having her own anxiety attack.

I asked my friend why she did this, and she said it would be something she would want to know. When I asked why ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When did it become common for people to obnoxiously hoot and holler to show their appreciation for the performance of an artist on stage?

I always applaud after a musical number and at the end of the production, and join in the standing ovation for a spectacular performance. I don't expect silence; shouts of "Bravo!" are to ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a cousin who calls almost weekly to invite me over for dinner during the upcoming weekend -- but nine times out of 10, the invitation gets rescinded or canceled.

After I accept, she says she'll call later in the week to confirm in case she gets busy. (I don't understand the need to confirm, since I've already accepted,...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would you be so kind to explain to me why it's the new protocol, when invited to a child's birthday party, that your child is expected to give the honoree's mother a wrapped gift for giving birth 16 years ago? Now it's two gifts that must be purchased for a birthday party -- one for the mom, one for the child.

I thought the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone purchases a raffle ticket for a worthy cause and wins the grand prize (say, $10,000), is it proper or expected that they donate a portion of it back to the charity? And if so, what percentage, please?

GENTLE READER: Secular society is strangely fond of tithing, but: no. The things one receives for donating to a ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I hosted an open house-style party. We offered a buffet with a variety of hors d'oeuvres, plus white and red wines. Before the party, we set up numerous small tables around our living room to ensure that guests would have a place to set their plates and wineglasses.

On all these little tables, plus on the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several times when I have invited and offered to treat someone at a restaurant, my guest has added a to-go order.

For instance, mid-celebration, a birthday celebrant received a whiny hungry call from her husband, and zap, my bill increased by $100. On another occasion, a client ordered a to-go dessert and made a faint gesture...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Civility seems to be the issue of the day. Politicians talk about it, foundations support groups to study it, and everyone grumbles about how mean and antagonistic everyone is.

After all this, as far as I can see, the only change has been for the worse. Maybe nothing can be done. Do you agree? And where does etiquette fit ...Read more