ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have changed from working at a veterinary clinic in a lower socioeconomic area to one in a more affluent area. I have noticed that when I refer my patients to the local specialist hospital, the hospital staff members are much more polite and respectful than they were when I called from my old clinic.

This upsets me on ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was on a tennis team and was eliminated during a tournament. I was supposed to play two matches: I played one and won, but then got injured and bowed out of my second match. I then recovered, but still didn't get to play in the remaining matches.

We had a very strong team, so I knew I wouldn't play much, but thought I would...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just moved into a new home, and I wanted to keep that information private at the place where I am temporarily working. I'm not particularly close to anyone there. Several people are nice to me, but not to the point of being friends.

Well, word got out about my house, and now several people have invited themselves over or ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Suppose Miss Jones marries Mr. Smith and decides, for whatever reason, to retain her maiden name. She is still deserving of the married honorific, is she not?

Is "Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones," therefore, the proper form to put on an envelope, to be followed by street address, city and state?

GENTLE READER: Deserving? "Deserving...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A car wash I patronize has two single-occupant washrooms, one labeled "Men," the other "Ladies." I had availed myself of the men's room, and as I was closing the door, someone pushed it open.

I stepped back, and in walked a 30-something woman. She closed the door, locked it and smiled at me as she walked by.

The men's ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About a year ago, I met the man of my dreams, and he and I are planning a future together. I have a wonderful group of friends -- we are all in our 60s and 70s, and get together often for fun activities -- and I feel so fortunate that he and my friends adore each other. We have enjoyed many fun times with the group.

We joined...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I share an apartment, and also share two pet snakes. These are not large reptiles, and are kept in very secure glass tanks behind closed doors.

We understand that many people are not comfortable with reptiles, so we never let them roam around the apartment. If we have company, we never bring our pets out or ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My parents decided to throw us a housewarming party -- the day after we moved our family of five into a new home. They invited some people around town who'd known me as a kid. They also invited my friends, and then asked them to invite more people. And they brought their own snacks.

We had been cleaning the apartment we had ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a gentleman who strives to live a mannerly life. In that regard, when riding public transportation, I offer my seat to ladies who are standing. I also wait for ladies to leave an elevator before me.

Now that I am well beyond retirement age, does that change any expectations and norms? When, if ever, do I keep my seat and...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a place where many cultures and nationalities abound. When I was at a restaurant with friends the other day, we were served by a comely waitress.

My friend commented on the beauty of the "Asian waitress," but I thought she was Latina.

Is there a tactful and proper way to ask? Or are we better off not asking such a ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am wondering if it would be crass or in poor taste to give a new widow a thoughtful sympathy card with money in it, rather than sending flowers.

A dear friend just became widowed in her late 40s after her husband's somewhat lengthy and most unexpected illness.

My friend has been a stay-at-home mom throughout her marriage, ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can I politely invite someone to my home but also indicate that they should not bring their friends or family with them?

We moved a couple years ago to a different city, and made new friends we really like. We also have neighbors a couple of houses away who will just come over to join any gathering without an invite.

I ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have discovered that my husband's small business has been sending out birthday/anniversary cards addressed to clients by their first names (i.e. Joe Smith). I believe that the envelopes should be addressed using a title (Mr. Joe Smith). I have been informed by my husband, and his young receptionist, that using the title is ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a teetotaler. My husband and most of our friends are avid connoisseurs of wine and spirits. Normally, this is not a problem, as I can politely excuse myself from any events that are primarily about appreciating alcohol.

But an etiquette issue sometimes arises when we're hosting dinner at our place. The first couple of ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A very long time ago, my husband and I were invited to dinner at a restaurant by a colleague of his. I had not met the colleague or his wife prior to the dinner.

The men promised they wouldn't talk shop, but they did -- throughout the entire meal. There was no inclusion of us women. I tried to initiate a conversation with the...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of the highlights of our trip to Paris was an opera performance at the Palais Garnier. The opera, "Medee" by Cherubini, is in excess of four hours, with two brief intermissions.

We were seated in the two front seats of a box in the first loge with three pairs of seats behind us. Without an aisle, the box occupants must ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I shared a cute photo of my daughter with several other mothers by creating a group text. It was a single picture of my daughter, not a mile-long text exchange.

One of the mothers texted me separately not to include her in a text chain with people she does not know, and then exited the group.

Is it bad text etiquette to do ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I belong to a local social media group that lets people loan and borrow items. I recently posted a query asking to borrow a piece of equipment for an upcoming surgery, and someone graciously responded. I'd like to include a token of my gratitude upon returning the item, but have no idea what, since this person is a stranger to...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an acquaintance who frequently walks her dog at the same time I do. She is a nice person, and we get along well; our dogs even like each other.

We are both female. The issue is that her skirts or sundresses keep getting shorter. I avert my eyes, but I have seen more of her anatomy than I care to. I have also seen a ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: To prevent party guests from driving impaired, I came up with a fun game using a $21 breathalyzer I bought online. I call it "Have I Had Too Many?"

Guests who are at, or even close to, the legal limit get a prize -- a free ride home!

Everything was going great until one guest tested at well over twice the legal limit, but ...Read more