ArcaMax

Let's take a summer break from the usual, same-old (yawn) essay format and sprinkle some questions about living together as a lifestyle choice and (quite possibly) rebellion against marriage. My nationwide survey saw it coming, this fast-growing option, but no one could have predicted its overwhelming numbers. As it turns out, this extra-legal ...Read more

Agreed, the month of May is the usual time for tributes to moms' indispensable role. But mine is an off-season paean to those women who -- by some inscrutable twist of fate -- find themselves Chairman of the Board, responsible for every decision in their husbandless household. Why now, and why them? Because while motherhood is sacred in America,...Read more

Years ago, during my single-mom-and-widow phase, fear was very much the biggest part of my emotional baggage. A whole family of what-ifs would wake me in the middle of the night and start droning their litany of fear. What if my son never again has a father? What if I get sick and can't care for him? What if that nice man I just met doesn't call...Read more

The Second Look at a promising someone is among my favorite mental delicacies because it changes shape and importance as life (mine, anyway) moves you into new situations. And truth to tell, in my experience, each one seems to ask for (and impart) greater patience, deeper understanding and more worldly wisdom.

The main challenge of the Second ...Read more

Admit it. You've been bowled over by the good looks and smooth manner of someone who shall remain nameless. Who among us hasn't been?! But the last time your eyes locked with his/hers, it just wasn't the same celebration; sparks refused to fly. And there you were, in the middle of a perfectly scrumptious fantasy, when that old devil Reality came...Read more

Terrorized by the possibility of being pulled back into the mire of second-class personhood, women these days have put men on trial. It's not usually a conscious decision, more like a self-defensive reflex, and it masquerades as snide criticism, sharp-tongued retorts and guilt-inducing comments. Anything and everything to put him on the ...Read more

According to census data, the median age for an individual's first marriage has been steadily increasing over time. In 2018, the median age for a first marriage in the United States was nearly 30 for men and 28 for women, up from 23 for men and 21 for women in 1970.

In addition to putting off marriage, millennials are also more likely to be ...Read more

Now, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted by those seven days? Oh, I remember now. You were feeling impatient with the waiting game and ready (almost) to make something happen now, soon, even though the love of your life isn't (yet) on the scene! The way I see it, passivity is no longer your style. You've been feeding yourself, a ...Read more

Intimacy versus individuality sounds like a choice ... as if maybe you will find one or the other in your love life, but you know for sure you can't have both of them in the same relationship! That's the (yawn) fiction that's been circling the single world for generations. But the truth is not only is it possible for the same relationship to ...Read more

A recent letter in this column has stirred up a virtual hornet's nest. It comes from a 30-something man who -- vigorously and rather unpleasantly -- stakes claim to nearly all parenting rights and privileges in his (hypothetical) marriage. At the moment, he's neither husband nor parent. But he has thought through the battles he'd wage. Example: ...Read more

I read in women's letters the signs of their struggle to find an answer to their quandary. The feeders of the race, the gender asked to nurture those around them, women today are asking for -- no, insisting on -- emotional reciprocity. At the same time they confide in me their fears, they insist they will not settle for less than partnership in ...Read more

The days are gone when women made financial clout the top requisite for serious interest in a man. No longer economically second-class (if not financially whole, or at least with more earning potential -- and hope -- than before), women are asking something different from men. They are beginning to insist that their love object actively nurture ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: Hopefully by now you've gotten some email in support of your position on the engagement ring issue. This widely and fervently held and programmed belief is just one more symptom of the stranglehold marketing has on our culture, overriding all. -- Mike

DEAR MIKE: You and I may be the only humanoids on planet Earth who see the ring ...Read more