ArcaMax

Here are some common flimsy excuses for postponing one's undependence:

--Men don't like independence in women.

--I couldn't afford to be on my own.

--I'm only happy when a man is in love with me.

--I don't feel feminine when I'm not on a man's arm.

--People have told me that I'm not a whole/real person until I'm someone's wife.

--I feel ...Read more

It's complicated, this single life. On your own, shunning both dependency and isolation, after a while, you adjust and learn to live in the present moment. Sleepless nights have taught you not to voyage into the future (what will be) too often and not to dwell in the past (what might have been). The fancy footwork needed to balance that triangle...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: You asked how readers feel about being single; I do not see marriage as a solution to emotional or self-esteem problems. Marriage today makes little sense.

Half of marriages will dissolve sooner or later -- and many stay intact when they shouldn't. It's very hard (impossible for most) to stay satisfactorily married to the same ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: I'm currently contemplating divorce. There are a lot of questions to ask you about, but the most important ones are emotional. I still have feelings for my husband, but they're not romantic or sexual. Next week I'll be talking with a lawyer to get legal answers, but what I need to know is: How do you know when a relationship is over?...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: I've been dating a wonderful woman for seven months. We have terrific conversation, intimacy and friendship and are considering marriage. The problem is her mother. Although she's supportive of our relationship, she makes my girlfriend feel guilty for not spending as much time with her as before we met.

Her mom is about to marry and...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: I'm 38 and trying to get back into the dating scene. But I found out that my church doesn't have a singles group. So, I joined a car club and haven't met anyone there. And even though I'm not comfortable in bars, I went to a singles meeting at a bar; it was pretty nonthreatening, but the guys weren't in my age group.

What do you ...Read more

DEAR READERS: For those of you leery about being alone at mealtime, take heart.

This New York reader climbed the Mount Everest of challenges and lived to tell the tale.

"I'm divorced two years. I moved to a trendy town in north Jersey that has many restaurants and bars. I don't really drink, so I don't do the bar scene alone or with a date. ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: I've been seeing a young naval officer for three months. There are many things about him I like, but there's one problem: I don't have his home phone number or address. He is the one who calls me and comes to my house.

When I asked for his number, he evaded the question. And several times he's made reference to never having married....Read more

DEAR SUSAN: I'm 63, divorced after 35 years and want to stay single. I enjoy dating, going to concerts, fine eateries and good conversation. But every woman I've ever dated wanted to get serious after the second or third date. Is this typical or am I selfish to want affection without commitment? (By the way, I don't lie, make promises or use the...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: The question "why eat alone if you can get a man to pay for it?" made me sick to my stomach. Why eat alone if you can pay for a date -- and have anyone's company YOU want?

I've recently been promoted and, being single, I enjoy my extra money. I like to take out friends and men I'm interested in, people who can't always afford nice ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: I appreciate that a woman (you) will take time to give balanced views on male/female issues. There are mighty few these days to speak for men, and thousands to speak for women. But, Susan, why don't you write an article about yourself? Your education, hometown, family and how your attitudes were formed. I think it would be ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: I've met a nice man via an online service and want to encourage him, but the man I've loved for the past three years is now back in my life. Both of them live thousands of miles from me, and that's part of the reason things weren't going well for man No. 1. And that's why at 39 I've decided it's time to start a man search. But am I ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: Happy 58th birthday to me. I just read your column, and thought it was very nice to be asked for my opinion about SOMETHING.

I've learned that as a mother of grown children, with grandchildren of my own, it's the best technique to keep my opinions to myself -- and smile. Sometimes it's difficult, but it's often necessary.

I had a ...Read more