Life Advice



Single File: Men and Undependence

Life Advice / Single File /

There I was, sitting in the middle of a good-sized amphitheater, guest guru for a large Seattle group of singles assembled for a local television show. The young host had me on the hot seat. I was the central focus for questions from the audience. All was going smoothly, when from the back row came a plaintive cry: "My wife died last month, and ...Read more

Single File: Reader Mail

Life Advice / Single File /

DEAR SUSAN: Hopefully by now you've gotten some email in support of your position on the engagement ring issue. This widely and fervently held and programmed belief is just one more symptom of the stranglehold marketing has on our culture, overriding all. -- Mike

DEAR MIKE: You and I may be the only humanoids on planet Earth who see the ring ...Read more

Single File: Love Partnership (Continued)

Life Advice / Single File /

I read in women's letters the signs of their struggle to find an answer to their quandary. The feeders of the race, the gender asked to nurture those around them, women today are asking for -- no, insisting on -- emotional reciprocity. At the same time they confide in me their fears, they insist they will not settle for less than partnership in ...Read more

Single File: Love Partnership

Life Advice / Single File /

The days are gone when women made financial clout the top requisite for serious interest in a man. No longer economically second-class (if not financially whole, or at least with more earning potential -- and hope -- than before), women are asking something different from men. They are beginning to insist that their love object actively nurture ...Read more

Single File: Chairman of the Board

Life Advice / Single File /

Agreed, the month of May is the usual time for tributes to moms' indispensable role. But mine is a slightly early paean to those women who -- by some inscrutable twist of fate -- find themselves Chairman of the Board, responsible for every decision in their husbandless household. Why now, and why them? Because while motherhood is sacred in ...Read more

Single File: Reader's Choice

Life Advice / Single File /

For the curious, my life's work found me. Catapulted overnight (literally) into young widowhood, and with a very young son to nurture, I quickly realized how unprepared I was for life on my own. (Smith College doesn't educate to be Head of Household.) Every day was a challenge; some I met adequately, some not so well. But slowly and painfully, I...Read more

Single File: A New Language

Life Advice / Single File /

You don't have to be single to be shy, but it's more likely when your way of life pushes you to meet new people and make entrances ... solo. That's why it's so important to learn the language of SMALL TALK. (It merits capitals because it's not so easy to learn.) Truth is it's a totally new language for those of us who never inherited the gift of...Read more

Single File: Contentment

Life Advice / Single File /

DEAR SUSAN: Choosing to be happy is something I've thought about over the years. It's not easy to put into practice, but it's quite liberating when you do. (Another way of saying it is "owning what you have." It reminds you to notice what is already in front of you.) The goal, it seems to me, is finding contentment and real joy in what you are ...Read more

Single File: Is Cougar Love Smart, Silly -- or Both?

Life Advice / Single File /

DEAR SUSAN: People shouldn't get hung up on the age of one's would-be partner; they should focus on whether they're attracted to that person. It's silly to expect all women (or men) in a given age group to think or act the same way. -- From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Be warned; this is one of my "yes, but" responses. Here goes. Yes, ...Read more

Single File: Hide-and-Seek

Life Advice / Single File /

DEAR SUSAN: I often think that people who get wrapped up in their feelings for someone who doesn't return them (and obviously will never return them) are, at bottom, terrified of love, because this way they won't have to expose their feelings. Instead, they can fantasize about the feelings they have for the person who isn't the least bit ...Read more

Single File: Mutualism

Life Advice / Single File /

Love, schmove! The word is generally overused and universally misunderstood. After temporary insanity (aka love) gives way to reality, as it should and must, far too many romantic relationships devolve into the humdrum. Partners become their parents' clones and do what they saw their parents do, not giving it much original thought. They don't ...Read more

Single File: Apartnership

Life Advice / Single File /

No, that's not a typo. We're together, you and I, to explore a new and delicious way of keeping love zesty. Those of us who dream of one love for a lifetime, for whom a lifetime isn't sufficient, will take this new form of love quite seriously. (I do hope you're among them.) Actually, it's a style of living in which both partners are deeply ...Read more

Single File: Safety Zone

Life Advice / Single File /

DEAR SUSAN: You recently printed a letter from a woman who said she is attracted to married men. Well, I, too, seem to be drawn to husbands. Of course, I'd never get involved with one. Plus, these men are out of my reach because they're loyal to their wives. (Maybe that's part of the attraction.) I do feel guilty, though, especially if I'm ...Read more



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