Dear Readers: Yes, this column is a rerun. But because the concept (and the reality) is very much on our minds today (and rightfully so), it deserves another go-around. So here's the letter as it was written, and your reactions are mightily welcome. (For obvious reasons, the writer's name is omitted.) She's a thoughtful reader whose musings ...Read more
The last scene of once-wondrous love isn't pretty. The anguish of that finale is pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Yes, I was dumped by a man who had brilliantly envisioned my career but did me dirty in the realm of love. Looking back, I realize the necessary role he played in reopening my heart after the dramatic loss of my young husband ...Read more
Although it is past the month of valentines, please accept this love token. It's been a long time coming -- years, not months -- because our relationship needed time to ripen. We needed time to build solid trust in one another day by day, year by year. Gradually we reached the point where words -- yours and mine -- were totally believed, ...Read more
Those of Generation Z, our newest generation, can be counted on to have the most unsparing vision of this world they've inherited. Heirs to a future they've yet to imprint, their opinions must find an open ear. Their take on the world has importance and relevance, and so, will always find space and newsprint here in this column. They must be ...Read more
I left that tiny apartment when I remarried (no more sleeping in the living room), but the principles and benefits developed during my As-If years came with me into wifehood. See if you agree that some or all of the benefits of that undependent phase can be brought into coupled life:
CONTINUITY: Your life has a plan, and your major actions are ...Read more
Years ago, during my single-mom-and-widow phase, fear was very much the biggest part of my emotional baggage. A whole family of what-ifs would wake me in the middle of the night and start droning their litany of fear. What if my son never again has a father? What if I get sick and can't care for him? What if that nice man I just met doesn't call...Read more
The Second Look at a promising someone is among my favorite mental delicacies because it changes shape and importance as life (mine, anyway) moves you into new situations. And truth to tell, in my experience, each one seems to ask for (and impart) greater patience, deeper understanding and more worldly wisdom.
The main challenge of the Second ...Read more
Admit it. You've been bowled over by the good looks and smooth manner of someone who shall remain nameless. Who among us hasn't been?! But the last time your eyes locked with his/hers, it just wasn't the same celebration; sparks refused to fly. And there you were, in the middle of a perfectly scrumptious fantasy, when that old devil Reality came...Read more
The S'More dating app believes you're wise enough to suspend visual judgment of a candidate until you've built some bridges of commonality with him or her! It begins by giving you a group of names (chosen by an algorithm) based on your interests and values and then encourages you to make choices. The first photo of a prospective candidate is ...Read more
Terrorized by the possibility of being pulled back into the mire of second-class personhood, women these days have put men on trial. It's not usually a conscious decision, more like a self-defensive reflex, and it masquerades as snide criticism, sharp-tongued retorts and guilt-inducing comments. Anything and everything to put him on the ...Read more
According to census data, the median age for an individual's first marriage has been steadily increasing over time. In 2018, the median age for a first marriage in the United States was nearly 30 for men and 28 for women, up from 23 for men and 21 for women in 1970.
In addition to putting off marriage, millennials are also more likely to be ...Read more
Now, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted by those seven days? Oh, I remember now. You were feeling impatient with the waiting game and ready (almost) to make something happen now, soon, even though the love of your life isn't (yet) on the scene! The way I see it, passivity is no longer your style. You've been feeding yourself, a ...Read more
Q: You're meeting someone you're interested in for drinks, but you're not sure if it's a date. How should you proceed?
A: If you're out for drinks with someone and you're not sure if it's a date, I'm all for being direct and asking if it's a date.
But how you ask is important. Be a little flirty, not just at the end of the night but ...Read more
Intimacy versus individuality sounds like a choice ... as if maybe you will find one or the other in your love life, but you know for sure you can't have both of them in the same relationship! That's the (yawn) fiction that's been circling the single world for generations. But the truth is not only is it possible for the same relationship to ...Read more