ArcaMax

It's a complex challenge, this single life. On your own, shunning both dependency and isolation, after a while you adjust and learn to be in the present moment. Sleepless nights have taught you not to voyage too far into the future (what could be) too often, nor to dwell in the past (what might have been). The fancy footwork needed to balance ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: You're always going on about head games between men and women, yet I've read where you are a strong believer in a woman's mystery. Please explain. -- From the "Single File'' Blog

DEAR BLOGGER: The mystery I favor is poles apart from the senseless and childish phoniness so common in the dating game. It takes a clever woman (yes, ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: Reading a letter to you about anger towards men, I started thinking about men I'd like to be friends with, men from a long time ago. Just how do I do this? How can I start? -- From the "Single File' Blog

DEAR BLOGGER: The next time you begin to blame all men because one doesn't phone as he promised, think again. Settle down and ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: You are still one of my favorite female journalists because you try, despite 40 years of male-bashing in the press (and schools), to be fair to men. Today, you did the usual male-bashing and likely didn't notice. You wrote, "Any woman worth her lip gloss knows that a good man nowadays is hard to find." The implication, from women's ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: I have something about traveling alone that I need to get off my chest. I like solo trips -- except for the single surcharges and some other annoyances. One pesky thing is that many people, and I must say mostly younger ones, assume when I'm traveling with a female friend that we're a gay couple. They can be very patronizing and ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: One of your columns caused me to read your bio, and I learned that your son Scott lost his father when he was very young. My mother's greatest accomplishment, she says, is bringing up her three children to have college degrees without needing a husband. (My manuscript about that experience, "The Widow's Son," won an award at a ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: Just as men had to be dragged into helping women with housework, so, too, do most women have to be dragged into sharing dating expenses -- even if they are the ones who asked for a date! To me, that's another form of denial -- denial of equal social responsibility. (This has been a sticking point of mine for years.) The women who ...Read more

It's one of the hardest things to do. For me, it still requires double doses of intestinal fortitude. And most of my friends say it's the same for them, too. (The females, that is; men don't seem to have as much trouble with the NO word. It just could be they've got an extra "No" gene.) Whatever the gene pool, most of us could use some tips on ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: Your comment today to the 51-year-old cougar who married a 30-year-old was completely off-base. First, where did you get the idea that men mature by age 18 and women not until they are 30? That's total hogwash. Please cite one scientific reference to back that up. Thirty-year-old men are still playing video games and hanging in bars,...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: Face it. Being singular is a trip. It's not necessarily exotic, it's not always fun. But when you take Susan's advice and strengthen your singleness with savvy people willing to supply you with the information or service you need -- when you need it -- single life gets much easier. And things go much more smoothly, the way they ...Read more

The single person is changing, morphing into a more confident and accepted member of the world. There's much less apologizing for being unpartnered and somewhat less self-searching to explain away the solo life. No more second-rate status in social situations, much less needing to explain showing up solo at social gatherings. The old feeling of ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: I'm a young, attractive woman who cannot for the life of me get a date. I try, but those I'm attracted to don't reciprocate my interest. Now, I'm not shy, I'm receptive to men and have no desire for a relationship or commitment. Really, I just want to meet a nice guy and have a good time. What should I do? -- From the "Single File" ...Read more

You can commune with God as you perceive Him while you're out walking or riding in a car -- anytime the need surfaces. Out of that fundamental craving for connection comes a deeper hunger to go beyond known boundaries and reach a level higher than human.

That hunger I call "churchness" draws some people toward one another, and their common ...Read more