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Single File: Mourning Time Frame

Life Advice / Single File /

DEAR SUSAN: I have a dilemma. My wife died a little over two years ago, ending our wonderful marriage of 26 years and making me a widower at 49. My wife was popular and well-liked by many in our area. Now I feel ready to explore the possibility of dating again by using online dating apps. The problem, though, is that some of my wife's single ...Read more

Single File: Sex as a Gift

Life Advice / Single File /

DEAR READERS: The woman who wrote protesting men's attitude toward sharing sex hit a nerve. Mail was robust, with wide reactions to her statement that "sex is a gift, not a right." Read on:

"Although I'm a very sexual man with no taboos or inhibitions, I think a man who grabs or gropes a woman without her consent is shameless, cowardly and ...Read more

Single File: Wired for Games?

Life Advice / Single File /

DEAR SUSAN: My fiance and I are separated but still see each other occasionally. I saw he was losing interest, so I separated to work on our issues, and that experience fits into your recent questions. I began seeing a therapist to deal with the stress of the situation and discovered I was being too nice and needed to be more "unavailable."

The...Read more

Single File: Quiz Whiz

Life Advice / Single File /

It's fun time -- tickle time for the brain. Yep, this is another chance to peer inside and come up with the truth. Your truth! The questions -- and the responses to them -- are for your eyes only; there's no editor on the case, no second chance to revise your answer, no eraser in sight. First response, best response!

Mark whether you agree or ...Read more

Single File: Freedom First?

Life Advice / Single File /

DEAR SUSAN: This is one woman's comments on the 31-year-old man (who has never been married and is successful professionally) with a puzzling situation. He wrote for your opinion because the woman he's dating has a young child and complains that he puts his friends and freedom first.

I feel I must weigh in on this matter. I think he should put ...Read more

Single File: Serenade to Shyness

Life Advice / Single File /

So many men suffer from shyness. It fills their letters as they describe stirrings that must lie dormant, unexpressed and waiting for inspiration. The fear of being laughed at, taken for a fool -- or, worse, being ignored and unseen -- is keeping them parched and mute.

A love song of appreciation might go far to soothe their frustration, and ...Read more

Single File: Short and Pithy Bites

Life Advice / Single File /

Take it from me, ladies: Men don't want to be our saviors. In this wildly changing world, where the unpredictable is a daily occurrence, no man -- not even a big hunk with a bigger ego -- has time (or energy) for a cloying, clinging femme. Let's face it. To be a needy female is to be a relic, out of step with today's love-style. And the few ...Read more

Single File: The New Look of Love

Life Advice / Single File /

The days are waning when women make financial clout the main prerequisite for serious interest in a man. No longer economically second-class (if not financially whole, at least with more earning potential and hope than ever), women are asking something different from men. They're insisting that their love object recognize and actively nurture ...Read more

Single File: Taking Stock

Life Advice / Single File /

Let's say -- for argument's sake -- you're currently in a romantic relationship but a bit (or more than a bit) unsure about continuing it into the new year. You two made it through the holidays in survival mode, but now the togetherness is running on empty, at times not at all the "real thing" you dream of. Yet there's still the tug of the ...Read more

Single File: Undependence (Part 2)

Life Advice / Single File /

Love -- the real deal -- can exist only between lovers who are whole and distinct individuals capable of standing alone, apart from their beloved. My word for that state is undependence. Learning to be alone, then, is cultivating that ability in preparation for love partnership; there is no other way to start the process of creating personhood. ...Read more

Single File: Undependence (Part 1)

Life Advice / Single File /

As regular readers know, that's no typo. "Undependence" is my word for wholeness, the ability to be comfortably alone with oneself -- not all the time and not as a way of life but definitely when the alternative is boring or disagreeable company. But this society feels uncomfortable when we're not paired off two by two, because it sees aloneness...Read more

Single File: The Toss of a Coin

Life Advice / Single File /

Yes, singleness gives the power of being in charge of your life, but what about the sadness that we often feel? How do you explain it?

Being in total control of your life is the positive side of single life, but the flip side is there, too -- a sad, gnawing realization that you're on your own. Onlyness, I call it. But -- you suspected this was ...Read more

Single File: Looking All Ways

Life Advice / Single File /

Today's "Single File" column could be headlined "Looking Back, "Looking Ahead" or "Looking Within." Since "Single File" has been printed for over 40 years, all three apply. Because the column is inextricably bound to the lives of the unmarried in this country, this columnist sees its past, present and future as being tightly linked to them. As ...Read more

 

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