ArcaMax

DEAR SUSAN: I'm in love with a married woman. She knows but says she won't ever leave her marriage because it gives her the security she never had. She tells me about her bedroom activities, saying she hopes I find someone as sexy as she is. But honestly, I'm in love with her forever. I can't look at another woman. Am I doomed to wait for her ...Read more

I just happened to be rereading the book I wrote (titled "Single File", for those of you who haven't done the same) and found myself lingering at the section 'Be Good to Yourself.' This is an issue dear to my heart because to this day, the stereotype persists of the unmarried as self-obsessed. To be sure, there is much unraveling of the ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: Hey! Do we women get told that older men have a lot of baggage? Are we considered "prey"? No! It's different when men take younger lovers. -- From the 'Single File' blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Wow. There it is -- the stark comparison we women tend to forget in our rush to equality. We're so caught up celebrating our newish freedoms -- sexual...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: Yes, there may be some bemoaning on my part on this blog, but some of it has to do with understanding what happens when it's happening. Look -- I've followed all the rules, but still nothing happens. Right, I do feel sorry for myself. But what is wanted are answers, not pity. -- From the 'Single File' blog

DEAR BLOGGER: How well I ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: My BFF believes that women should ask men for a date, but then when she does -- gets turned down -- it's the end of the world. I try to talk her out of her black mood, but she won't hear me. Maybe you can help? -- From the 'Single File' Blog

DEAR BLOGGER: (Sigh) The thing is, romance has been stressed -- not killed, mind you -- but ...Read more

'Tis the season. It's back again, not to be denied. Crowds at the counter, mobs in the aisles, harried cashier at the register. Yup -- it's here, gifting (and regifting) time, but this year feels different: The needy are closer and their need feels greater.

-- Make a videotape and send it to your heart's delight. Take a few days to write the ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: I finally ended a long marriage that was filled with lies, cheating and mental and verbal abuse. (It took years for the divorce to become final.) My therapist, children, family and friends all are encouraging me to start dating again and begin a new life with a new man who deserves and respects me. I shudder at the thought. Whenever ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: Some friends say I'm too full of myself, that I'm too conceited to fall in love. But really, I know myself very well and like myself. Will that keep me from finding love? -- From the 'Single File' Blog

DEAR BLOGGER: The short answer is NO. But it's the longer one that clears up misconceptions that have found a home around loving ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: I believe you did an earlier column distinguishing the use of "rejection" from "refusal". You used "rejection" as a personal and definitive "Yuck. You are SO unappealing that I'd never go out with you in a million years." But "refusal" is much less personal: Perhaps there's a significant other, a busy time at work, mental health ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: As a woman on my own, unmarried and unattached, I get a lot of flak. Most of it is silent, never said (to me, at least), but the message gets through and I feel awful, as if I'm a bad person. Sometimes I almost feel apologetic for being on my own. Should I? (I know you'll say no.) Well, then, how do I handle this feeling? -- From the...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: You write a lot about undependence, but my friends don't see how it's different from independence. We argue a lot about it, and I need some ammo from you. -- From the 'Single File' Blog

DEAR BLOGGER: You can declare a truce (or a good-natured triumph) here and now. Whereas independence is -- according to Webster -- "the state or ...Read more

DEAR SUSAN: I was quite saddened to read in 'Single File' that unmarried households (solo) outnumber married families. But as I think about it, it's somewhat true. Even in my life I know of several people between the ages of 30 and 55 who live alone. Those divorced are trying desperately to meet someone so as not to continue their journey alone....Read more

It's a complex challenge, this single life. On your own, shunning both dependency and isolation, after a while you adjust and learn to be in the present moment. Sleepless nights have taught you not to voyage too far into the future (what could be) too often, nor to dwell in the past (what might have been). The fancy footwork needed to balance ...Read more