Newly Dating Couple Has Different Hobbies
DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm dating someone new, but we're having a hard time finding things we want to do together. I don't mean to sound posh, but I do enjoy getting dressed up and going to shows, nice dinners, live performances and more. The guy I'm dating is quite different from me. Much of his life revolves around health, fitness and training. He often invites me for bike rides, beach days and gym sessions. I oblige sometimes, mostly because I enjoy the time we spend together afterward. He is so well-read. We have that in common -- our taste in literature and history. So while we enjoy each other's company, we do not enjoy each other's hobbies. Is this sustainable? -- Core Differences
DEAR CORE DIFFERENCES: Sit down and talk to each other about your interests. See if you can strike a balance where each of you is willing to explore the other's preferences. Give yourselves time not to just show up, but to fully participate in the various things. Often, couples grow to like their partner's hobbies so they can spend time together. You don't have to want to do everything he does, but it is healthy to wholeheartedly put your time and effort into finding some points of intersection.
Ultimately, though, you want a partner who has shared interests with you so that during your time off from work or other responsibilities, you are eager to be together doing something you enjoy. You both should pay attention to see if you are well enough suited for each other given your clear differences.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who dumps all her trauma and problems on me every time we get together, and it is too much for me at this point. I don't mind an occasional vent here and there, but every time I spend time with her, she is venting about the same problems. She isn't happy in her marriage and constantly speaks about how she can't stand her husband. She tells me about their arguments, how unhappy she is and how she feels stuck in the marriage, but nothing ever seems to change. I have tried to listen and be supportive because I know she is going through a difficult time, but I am starting to feel emotionally drained after every conversation with her. It has gotten to the point where I find myself dreading spending time with her because I already know that our entire conversation will revolve around her problems. I want to be a good friend and be there for her, but I also want to be able to enjoy our friendship and talk about other things. How do I communicate this boundary to her without being insensitive to her feelings? -- Friend on Repeat
DEAR FRIEND ON REPEAT: Be honest with your friend. Tell her you are concerned that she is stuck in her marriage and her life and that she could benefit from professional help. Add you are weary of hearing the same stories time after time. It is draining to you, and you do not have the capacity to handle it. Remind her you love her and would like to spend time with her, but you need to be able to talk about other things. Ask her whether she is willing to do that. If not, step back for a while. You need to preserve your mental health, too.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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