Trip With Mom Turns Sour
DEAR HARRIETTE: I wanted to do something special for my mom, so I decided to surprise her with a vacation for her birthday. She loves to travel, so I thought it'd be a nice opportunity for the two of us to get away and bond. My mom and I are not as close as I would like us to be. When I was younger, my mom took the "I am your parent, not your friend" stance, and I think as I got older, time and distance never got us to the friends stage.
On the vacation, I tried to have a good time, but my mom was a bit of a grouch. She complained about everything. Nothing was good enough, nice enough, hot enough or clean enough. I tried ignoring it, but I put a lot of time, money and energy into planning something special for her. By the end of the trip, I shared that I was not impressed with her sour attitude. Now we're back to our normal lives, walking on eggshells around each other and feeling even more distant. Where do we go from here? -- Not Your Friend
DEAR NOT YOUR FRIEND: Invite your mother to get together with you and ask her what went wrong. Tell her you planned that trip to make her happy, but clearly that didn't work. Offer that it made you sad and frustrated that she didn't seem to enjoy herself when your intention was to make her happy. See if she will talk about it. Talking may lead to healing.
DEAR HARRIETTE: As a marital and family attorney, your suggestion to "Can't Stretch It," the struggling divorced mom, that she approach her ex about increasing child support baffled me a bit at the optimistic assumptions underlying your answer.
Some key questions that must be asked first are whether they divorced amicably, whether they are even on speaking terms, what financial resources the ex actually has, whether he is a generous or even a reasonable person, whether he is a safe person to help care for the kids, whether he lives locally and so much more. He may well resent the child support he is paying now, either because he is spiteful or because he is also financially strapped. The fact that she has full custody indicates he (or likely the court) determined he is a poor caregiver. There are so many variables.
Sadly, in my more than 30 years of practicing family law, I have never known an ex-husband to willingly increase child support simply upon request of his ex-wife. He might be willing to negotiate something to his advantage, but that is rarely in the ex-wife's best interest.
However, if the ex-husband has the financial resources, the ex-wife may have a case for increasing child support through the legal system. Only a good family law attorney can assess her situation. In some states, her ex-husband will be required to pay her attorney's fees in such a case. In any event, I hope your optimism is well-placed in this instance. -- Gut Check
DEAR GUT CHECK: Thanks for your legal and sober perspective. Much appreciated. Readers, take heed.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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