Dater Disappointed To Learn Man Rents Basement Apartment
DEAR HARRIETTE: I had an amazing date with someone who's been interested in me for some time now. I was too scared to agree to a date before as I am only about one year out from getting divorced. My date picked me up for dinner and a movie, and it went so well we ended up getting drinks after and shutting down the bar! When he picked me up, he showed up with a gift for me -- perfume -- which I thought was so sweet and thoughtful.
My date and I are both divorced and have teenage children, so it seems like we could be a good fit, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't surprised and a bit disappointed when he told me that he rents a room in a basement apartment. At my age, that does not sound ideal for me or for the kind of partner I am seeking. While I would like someone who's a bit more established like myself, he did also share that he only moved to the United States three years ago. Should I continue seeing this man despite the different places we're at in life? -- Pros and Cons
DEAR PROS AND CONS: What did you like about this man? Clearly, his attentiveness counts for a lot. That he is starting over, seemingly from scratch, is concerning. Before you write him off, talk to him some more. Ask about his marriage -- find out what worked and ultimately what went wrong. Be direct and inquire about his finances. What landed him in the basement of some house? What are his plans for the future? How realistic are they?
Think about your own marriage: What lessons did you learn that can guide your steps today? Sort through it all to assess whether getting to know this man better is worth the effort.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister -- who lives a couple states away -- asked our other siblings and me whether we'd be able to spend the weekend at her house after she had a procedure that called for her to stay in bed for a few days. She forewarned us that she needed help tidying up and handling errands. I asked if her husband would be able to help, too. My sister claimed that he wasn't feeling his best, either, which is why she asked us. When we arrived for the weekend to support my sister, we found her husband parked on the couch, beer in hand and all smiles -- per usual. There were no signs of him being sick. I did as many chores as I could in a full day and left the home that evening. I was not in the mood to stick around. Now my sister is upset with me. Her husband is lazy, and it's unfair that she expects her siblings to show up for her and clean her home but not her own husband. Should I be honest with my sister about this? -- Brother-in-Law
DEAR BROTHER-IN-LAW: Your sister asked you to help her. That's what you did. Neither you nor she can control her husband. Clearly, he is not helping. When your sister is feeling better, you can tell her how surprised and disappointed you were that her husband was so unhelpful. But be wary of passing judgment: She called you for help. Don't make her feel guilty because she needed you.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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