Spouse Takes On Husband's College Debt
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am helping my husband pay off his $50,000 college debt, but I feel like he isn't grateful, more like it's something expected of me to do for him. I worked extremely hard to come out of college with no debt just for me to pay off somebody else's, so it feels like it was all for nothing. A lot of my paycheck goes to his college loans, so we can pay it off quicker, and it's making me upset at my husband. He has never once said he appreciates me helping him.
I understand we are married and we are supposed to support each other, but I don't think that means my financial contributions should go unnoticed. Sometimes I wonder if he realizes how much I am sacrificing to help him become debt-free. I want to feel like we are working toward this goal together rather than like I am simply responsible for fixing a financial situation that existed before our marriage. I don't want helping my husband financially to become something that damages our relationship. How can I talk to my husband about this without making him feel like I am throwing everything I have done for him in his face? -- Taken for Granted
DEAR TAKEN FOR GRANTED: These are the kinds of things couples should discuss before getting married -- particularly how much debt they are in and how they intend to handle it. It is not your responsibility to pay off your husband's college loans, even though it is kind. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Further, tell him you want to structure the debt repayment differently. Put more of the burden on him, as it is his responsibility. He may get upset, but that's your chance; talk about it openly, including your plan for your financial future before you met him, your willingness to support his needs now that you are married and your discomfort in discovering his attitude about your role. You probably have to experience some friction before coming to a mutually beneficial, respectful path forward.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been dating a man for a little less than two months, and I really enjoy getting to know him. However, I've noticed our dates are always very low-cost -- coffee and a walk, meeting at the park or something similar. I've mentioned that while I enjoy those things, I also appreciate going out to restaurants or doing something a little more substantial from time to time. My lifestyle and how I typically spend my free time are quite different from these dates, so I'm beginning to wonder whether he may be struggling financially. Should I be patient and give him time to figure things out, or is it appropriate to ask him directly about his financial situation? I don't want to embarrass him, but I also wonder if I should move on while I'm not too invested. -- Cheap or Low-Cost
DEAR CHEAP OR LOW-COST: It's fair to tell this man what you would like to do on a date and ask him to invite you to do that. If he hesitates, ask him why. If it's financial, you will have to decide whether you want to invest time in someone who has limited finances. Sometimes it's worth it, but you need to have your eyes open. Be honest about what constitutes a deal-breaker.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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