Birthday Party Invitation Dilemma
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am planning a trip for my birthday, and managing the invites is intimidating! I don't like traveling with large groups, so I've decided I would like a total of four to six of us on the trip. I prefer it that way because I think it allows for more intimacy and connection during our time together, and it lends itself better to car, home and activity bookings. That said, I am afraid one of my close friends will be upset if I don't invite her. She's the kind of friend you love and is truly supportive, but she is not always palatable to others. I don't want to invite her just to appease her if it may taint my birthday trip, but I also don't want to hurt a close friend's feelings. Any advice? -- Birthday Trip
DEAR BIRTHDAY TRIP: If this one friend is the only one out of your core group who is not included, you will devastate her. Either way, your point is valid. It is important to curate a group trip by including people who are likely to get along. If you honestly think this woman will be an impediment, don't invite her, but do tell her. It would be far worse for her to be blindsided by seeing photos on social media of the group having fun.
If you tell her, you have to be completely honest with examples to support your concerns. What are you worried about possibly happening? And what has she done in the past, specifically, that leads you to this belief? If it truly is her behavior that leads you to leave her out, she should know.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, while at a party with friends, a woman approached me and confronted me about dating her boyfriend. The man in question is someone from my past who I stopped interacting with over a year ago because I found out he was in a relationship. As you can imagine, this was embarrassing, and to make matters worse, my current boyfriend was with me. I tried to talk this woman off the ledge, explaining that as soon as I found out he was a cheater, I cut him off immediately. Unfortunately, she began making a scene, and, to no surprise, her boyfriend was there, doing nothing to help or clear my name. My boyfriend and I ended up leaving the party early. My boyfriend told me how uncomfortable he was and that he doesn't want any unnecessary drama in his life and he needs time to think about things. How can I get my boyfriend to understand that was something from my past I couldn't have known and that I hope it doesn't affect what we're building? -- Past Meets Present
DEAR PAST MEETS PRESENT: All you can do is assure your boyfriend of how you behaved when you learned the truth about that guy. You can apologize for him having to witness that awkward scene as you remind him you were shocked to learn about your ex's status as well. You can also call your ex and ask him to handle his business. It was not cool for you to have to endure his girlfriend's wrath without him jumping in to defend you in that moment. But given that he is a cheater, there's no reason for you to think he will somehow become honorable now.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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