'i'll Never Go There,' He Said, On His Way Back There
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm 62 and have been divorced for 26 years. I've been dating the love of my life for 15 years -- we are obviously not in a hurry to tie the knot, though I did give her a beautiful engagement ring last summer.
My problem is my past history. A couple of times, in conversations with other people while my fiancee is present, I have told an amusing story or two that involved my ex-wife or a past girlfriend. My fiancee would later tell me that that was rude and it offended her.
I have since been quite careful not to go there again. However, we were recently eating at the bar of a casual restaurant, and I struck up a conversation with the couple next to me. The gentleman stated he was from a neighborhood I was familiar with. I then proceeded to tell him that, 22 years ago, I played a humorous prank on my child on the way over to my then-girlfriend's house in that same neighborhood (it involved the geography of the area).
I'm a social drinker and was having fun making the couple laugh. Needless to say, I caught heck on the drive home for mentioning an ex-girlfriend.
I told her she was being childish and that it's history, but also that because it offends her, it'll never happen again. In my head I'll just have to think really hard and use a generic term like "friend." I've just never had to analyze anything before I say it.
I'm not purposely being rude. Is she oversensitive? She has stated in the past that it offends her to hear about my exes, and if it offends her, I'll have to just not go there. I told her that if she's wrong in your opinion, I will still never go there. Help.
GENTLE READER: Why? You have already stated that Miss Manners' opinion will have no bearing on the outcome.
And for good reason. The fact that your fiancee said the behavior bothered her -- and that you said you would stop -- is all the justification you need. Whether or not she is oversensitive and wants to pretend that you are each other's first loves seems immaterial.
All right, fine. Miss Manners will weigh in a little, if only from an editorial perspective. The anecdote you told is not made any better by saying "girlfriend" instead of "friend." In fact, it is a distraction. The listener becomes too preoccupied by figuring out when, after having a child, you procured a girlfriend, and the humorous prank bit gets lost. The relationship is no one's business, of course, but it is distracting nevertheless. So why include it if it bothers your fiancee and also muddies the story?
Do what you want in terms of keeping the peace in your relationship. But please do not use good storytelling as an excuse.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think of a first-time guest who brings a leftover dessert to a dinner party, in the original box, with not enough pieces for all the guests? Money would not be a problem to buy the whole dessert again.
GENTLE READER: As a general rule, Miss Manners discourages guests from using their host's dinner parties as a place to park their leftovers. Or at least not to do it so obviously.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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