Some People Are Just Snazzy Dressers
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hate dress codes, but for the opposite reason that most people rail about them. Many say that dress codes are a violation of their God-given right to wear gym clothes to work, or they say that wearing a tie (let alone a tuxedo) to a wedding causes them extreme physical discomfort. Blah, blah, blah.
Well, my wife and I just like to look nice. Nothing fancy; we're not clotheshorses. She's a gorgeous woman, and she mostly sews her own clothes and makes prom and party dresses for our daughters. The girls and their friends get excited when they can dress up, and ours are always complimented on their outfits. We aren't, though.
We're not looking for compliments, just not to be attacked for veering from the standard jeans and T-shirts. (Yes, we wear those when we're gardening or cleaning out the garage.) Our friends always declare the dress code to be "casual," and now some go so far as to order us not to "bother dressing up."
Take last weekend. On Saturday, we were invited to some friends' house for dinner. It was billed as "casual," of course. I wore a long-sleeved shirt, no tie, blue pants. My wife wore a flowered cotton dress, the kind she calls a shirtdress, with buttons down the front.
The hosts both wore shorts -- not that far from our own clothes, you would think. But the wife said, "You really don't have to dress up for us," and her husband thought it was funny to add, "Oh, they're probably going someplace fancier after this." Ha ha.
On Sunday, we were meeting two other couples at a restaurant to celebrate the anniversary of one of the couples. It was a very fancy restaurant, so I wore a jacket and a tie, and my wife wore a silk dress with the pearl necklace I gave her for her birthday. "Up," yes, but not that "dressed up."
Well, one of the wives (who I never liked) reached over and "playfully" tried to take my tie off. I should have "playfully" reached over to take her shirt off.
What is it with these people? Why do they even care what we wear? We don't go after them for looking like slobs.
GENTLE READER: No need. They seem to be going after themselves. Miss Manners interprets the rudeness you encounter as "Please stop showing us up."
You needn't stop, although Miss Manners would not consider tearing off their clothes a good response. Try instead: "This IS my informal look. I was afraid my formal look would dazzle you."
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received some small gifts as thank-yous for teaching and hosting a class in my home. I thanked the students in person for the gifts, as I still see them on a daily basis when I take my children to school.
Am I obligated to send an official thank-you note? I feel like this would be sending a thank-you for a thank-you, and that seems kind of silly. I am curious what you think!
GENTLE READER: What Miss Manners thinks is that she will scream if she hears that canard again about not acknowledging a present because that would be sending a thank-you for a thank-you.
No. You do not thank people for letters of thanks. You do thank them for presents, whatever happened to prompt them.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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