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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter and I could use a refresher course in how to answer the seemingly endless questions regarding her marital status.

She is a 23-year-old full-time college student, happy in a relationship, and not terribly interested in getting married yet. But more and more she is enduring "the question" from seemingly well-meaning people, most notably her cousin's wife: "Chet and I dated for six months and then I had my ring. Why don't you have yours?"

My daughter is thinking of posting an angry comment. I would like her to have something more witty and demure to say that will get the point across without being rude.

GENTLE READER: That is one nasty cousin your daughter has. Perhaps the young man who gave her that ring was too hasty.

Miss Manners would be tempted to say, "But not everyone is as irresistible as you." Maybe even to lead her on to offer advice about how to maneuver a suitor into proposing, in which case your daughter could sigh and say, "Maybe I'll just wait until he is sure he wants to. And until I'm sure I want to."

As for those other nosy people, a secretive smile and "Oh, please, we're still courting" should do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I had his sister stay at our house for a holiday. She lives in a city two hours from us; we live in a semi-rural area. My husband picked her up from the bus stop and also drove her back there after her visit (an hour drive).

She has stayed with us a couple of times before, and seemed to enjoy it. I went all out to get her room and bathroom ready, prepare special meals, etc. We provided food, a bed and a quiet atmosphere as well as entertainment, but we couldn't tell if she really enjoyed her two nights out of the city this time.

She thanked us once, but it seemed compulsory and not from the heart. She never sent a follow-up card or gift. We have friends from out of state, and after they stay with us just one night, they always give a nice gift and/or send a thank-you card.

My husband said he thought he was doing her a favor to get her out of the city for a couple of days, but it seemed like she was doing US a favor by her visit. Needless to say, we don't want to entertain her again because it seemed like she didn't care that we provided all this for her visit. We don't expect a gift, just an acknowledgment of the hospitality we provided. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That she's family. She and your husband grew up the same house. She is used to his looking out for her, as in this example of feeling she needed a holiday.

So she is not in the same category as your occasional houseguests, although Miss Manners agrees that family members should also be gracious and helpful when they visit. Just don't apply the same checklist that you expect of unrelated guests.

And please do not cut off your husband from his sister because you judged her thanks as not coming from the heart.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN