Pobody's Nerfect, You Know
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know a few people who define everyone by their weight. Now, these people aren't perfect themselves, but their imperfections aren't as readily apparent as being fat. No imperfection is as apparent as that!
It drives me nuts when they describe someone as "chubby" or "fat" when no physical description is even necessary. One of these people is my alcoholic sister, but I would never describe her that way to someone else! (Except you, apparently.) I need a comeback, because ignoring these comments just isn't working for me any longer.
GENTLE READER: Did you meet these people at an old country fair, where they offered prizes to those whose weight they could not guess accurately?
Miss Manners suggests that you point out to them that you do not acquire friends, or even recognize people, by the pound.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I occasionally get invited to friends' homes for dinner. After dinner, the guests usually sit and continue to visit and have conversations.
Some clearing of the dinner dishes goes on, but cleaning up is not emphasized. The reason for clearing the plates is just to get them out of the way and off the table.
My wife, however, takes clearing the plates too far. She goes beyond the call of duty, in my opinion, and starts loading the dishwasher, putting the food away and wiping off the counters in our hosts' house. The hosts are usually with their guests when my wife is doing this.
If we are invited to someone's house for dinner, is it appropriate as a guest to start cleaning up the kitchen after the meal? It's a nice gesture, but I don't think it's necessary.
When we host a dinner, I don't want my guests to clean up my kitchen. In fact, I don't even expect my wife to clean up after our guests have gone home. She's already spent plenty of time getting the place ready before they arrived.
GENTLE READER: What your wife is doing is not a nice gesture. A nice gesture, and one that is only fair, is your insisting on doing the cleanup at home because your wife had done the preparation.
But for a guest to take over the housekeeping without authorization from the host is intrusive -- and almost insulting, as it implies that it was a necessary task that the host was neglecting. Plus, the guest is then neglecting their own duty of socializing.
Miss Manners would appreciate your explaining to your wife the difference between offering to help -- and then taking directions from the host, including desisting when the offer is declined -- and attempting to run someone else's household.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When one person is already in a narrow hallway and another person comes down the stairs and tries to enter the hallway and pass by the person who was already there, what should happen?
GENTLE READER: Let's go with what shouldn't happen: a collusion, because neither of them has the courtesy to step to one side.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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