ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Friends and strangers often say to me, "Your hair is really long." While this is better than "you look tired," it is still not exactly a compliment, so I don't feel right saying "thank you."

Is there anything more interesting to say than "yes, it is"?

GENTLE READER: There are many more interesting responses. But as you are asking Miss Manners, she takes you to mean that you are seeking an answer that will return the slight you feel you have suffered without being caught doing so.

As she is less convinced than yourself that any insult was intended, she is going to arm you with a butter knife instead of a steak knife: something less sharp to minimize the damage inflicted.

Say, "How kind of you to notice." As this response is perfectly proper, you can deny any accusations of sarcasm so long as the delivery has not laid it on too thickly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you politely deter strangers from forcing you into a conversation with them?

My husband and I were on vacation and while in a restaurant, a table next to us full of elderly ladies latched onto us. They kept talking to us through our entire meal and we weren't able to talk to each other at all.

We didn't want to be rude and wouldn't hurt their feelings for anything, but we had no time alone. They followed along with on us on every part of the resort we visited!

In waiting rooms at the doctor's office, I've had people ask me what was wrong with me, and one woman was unzipping her jeans to show my husband and me her surgical scar! Luckily the nurse called for me and we rushed to the back. We are kind, friendly people, but don't care to be approached by too-familiar strangers.

GENTLE READER: Be polite without being effusive, and responsive without being expansive: Give a brief answer, followed by returning to the conversation at your own table.

Miss Manners admits to assuming that most people eventually recognize such social cues. Your unzipped lady may require an energetic, "I think you want to show that to the doctor!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a doctor, and my front desk staff is often greeted with the phrase, "Someone called my number." Increasingly, when we try and contact patients or their families, we encounter a "mailbox is full" message, otherwise we leave a detailed message as to why we are calling.

While people may not realize it, running an office requires many front desk people making many different types of calls. So please, empty your voicemail box and listen to your messages before just calling and proclaiming, "Someone called me." The time and resources it takes to deal with this is becoming excessive. I would hate to have to go to an automated system that is so time-consuming for our patients, but you can't tell an automated system "Someone just called me."

GENTLE READER: Points for using the idea of an automated system as the threat that it is, rather than promising that it will Improve the Customer Experience.

But while we are on the subject of the proper use of lines of communication, Miss Manners wonders: Do you have an etiquette question?

========

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN