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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My in-laws are always asking for money or gifts.

One couple who had been living together for years -- divorced and married, employed, with a home, etc., asked for "cash only" gifts for a honeymoon for their second marriage to each other.

Another in-law asked for a piece of artwork I had created that was not monetarily valuable at all, but had sentimental value to me. My husband wanted to give it to her, so I agreed.

Another in-law couple had a baby and set up an online gift registry, so we gave them nice gifts to help their new family get started.

Yet another couple is expecting, and the mother must stay home for undisclosed health reasons for the remaining two months of her pregnancy. They have set up a fundraiser with a goal of $5,000 to help them stay financially afloat until the baby comes. They also set up an online registry, and I chose gifts from that, as well as donating to their fund. We send Christmas and birthday gifts to them every year, by the way.

I made soaps for in-laws to sell on my behalf (they'd get a percentage of the sale) because they wanted to branch out with additional stocking-stuffer-type items for their Christmas events. They took the soaps and gave them away as gifts to their friends. I was not paid as agreed. I didn't say anything, but I didn't give them any more soaps, either.

My problem is not the giving, or it didn't used to be; it obviously is now. My problem is that not once has anyone said, "Thank you."

I don't expect a formal note, just a simple email or text will do. We've received no acknowledgment at all. In fact, I have had to ask on a couple of occasions, "Did you receive the gift?" because we weren't sure it had been sent to the right address.

Am I wrong to be resentful? Is this the new normal? We aren't cheapskates, and we're as generous as our budget will allow. We'll keep giving because it's his family and that's what my husband wants to do, but how do I handle this? Or do I handle it at all?

I've told my husband I would like a "thank you" when we give gifts, and he tells me it doesn't matter. I know it's supposed to be the thought that counts, but isn't that a two-way street? Especially when they ASK for money, set up accounts to receive the cash, send online links to their preferred gift items and set up registries?

Does it really no longer matter? If not, I'll adjust my expectations.

GENTLE READER: Of course it matters. But why would these relatives stop the cycle when it has been working out so well? And when they have an ambassador -- your husband -- to enable them?

Miss Manners would set some boundaries, primarily with your husband. If he insists that this is normal behavior, then let him procure the presents and give away his own prized possessions. You have done more than enough -- which already deserves some thanks.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN