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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am wondering what to say when I meet new people and they question my first name. I have always accepted whatever name someone calls himself, whether it's conventional like John or Steven or a nickname like Cookie, Corky, R.J. or Button.

I would consider it rude to ask the person what their "real" name is or what the nickname stands for. Yet, when I introduce myself, I invariably get asked questions. Some people go so far as to repeat the nickname incredulously, or to make fun of it. I am at a loss as to how I might respond to them.

My particular case is a female nickname that is the same as a male nickname. (Think "Jack.") But when I say "Jack," almost no one accepts it. Here are some responses:

"What's your REAL first name?"

"What? I never heard THAT!"

"What's your real first name, Jacqueline? And you don't like it?"

"That's a guy's name!"

"Is that short for Jackie?"

"If you're Jack, I'm Lois" (from a man).

It's become a point of feminism for me: Men who introduce themselves as Jack don't get asked if they are "really" John or Jackson. I said to one guy who questioned me, "You introduced yourself as Dave. I didn't ask if your real name was David."

They demand an explanation, and I feel it is very intrusive. I just want to be called what I want to be called. This has been happening for many years, and I haven't hit on a solution. Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: That you give up and call yourself Button.

In all seriousness, Miss Manners suggests you stand your ground and just continue to assert, "It's Jack." You could alternate with "Nope, Jack" until they surrender, or until you can politely change the subject.

Miss Manners agrees that it is tiresome, but it is also possible that those who are asking politely (not the openly sexist or aggressive ones) are just trying to get to know more about you. You need not change your response, just perhaps acknowledge that while they still may be misguided, not everyone means to offend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is nothing that makes me more uncomfortable then when someone who's behind me in a line stands super close to me. It's even worse if it's in a supermarket that has one of those conveyor belts that they put their items on without using a divider.

It makes me feel rushed and anxious, like it's an intrusion of my personal space. Could I somehow ask for a little room without sounding rude or petty? I don't know the best way to go about this, and I don't want to be disrespectful, especially if it's an elderly person.

GENTLE READER: The trick is to act as if you are the one who is infringing on their space. "Let me get this out of your way and give you a divider so that you have some room for your wild boar" -- picking the largest item in their cart for maximum distance.

As far as standing too close in line? Miss Manners recommends you arm yourself with a cart or basket -- and make some (careful but close) wide turns.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN