Doctor Late Because Of Supposed 'emergency'
DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I am late to a doctor's appointment, I may not get to see the doctor at all, but I will still be charged for having missed the appointment. But if I get there on time, I usually have to cool my heels for a long time -- sometimes for close to an hour -- before the doctor will see me.
Yes, I've complained. I get one of two standard put-downs, designed to make me look both callous and stupid:
1. There was an emergency.
Really? Funny, the patient who finally walked out of his office looked fine to me. He just stopped at the desk to pay and make an appointment for his next regular check-up, which was obviously what he was just there for. But he had an emergency in the office? And they're OK with him walking away from it?
2. I should consider myself lucky that Dr. X is so thorough that he spends as much time as necessary with each patient.
Really? I seem to remember him standing up when he wants to show me my time is up. But if he wants more time with each patient, why doesn't he schedule the appointments further apart?
I think there's a third reason: The doctors think their time is more important than mine. I happen to have a very responsible position, but somehow I manage to keep my appointments. If I tell someone to come to my office, I don't make them sit around waiting for me to get around to our meeting.
GENTLE READER: This problem may be getting solved, but not in a good way. Many medical practices are requiring their doctors to see many patients in limited periods. You may have to trade being seen on time for then being rushed through.
Still, Miss Manners sympathizes with your current situation. She suggests calling before the appointment and asking whether they are running late.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grew up in an Italian neighborhood and learned to eat spaghetti the way they did -- twirling my fork against a large spoon to wind the strands around the fork. It works! You're not left with long strands hanging down from your mouth.
But I was just in Italy and was never given a spoon in a restaurant. Should I have asked for one?
GENTLE READER: No, even though Miss Manners keeps telling people to stop being frightened of waiters and to ask for whatever utensils they need to consume their food.
It's just that in this case, ridicule -- let's say a snicker or two -- might be justified. In Italy, the spoon technique is used only to teach small children to eat like adults. You don't want to look as if you had ordered a lollipop.
The confusion is that Italian etiquette is not the same as Italian-American etiquette, where the continuing use of the spoon is not uncommon. This seems to be changing, just as what used to be Italian-American cuisine has become more like the cuisine of Italy.
So you might want to practice eating pasta without a spoon in the privacy of your home until you are fit to enjoy it in polite society.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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