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DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one politely respond to someone who hijacks a compliment about an item of jewelry and basically turns it into an appraisal?

When a guest asked me about my necklace, I responded that it is a Jerusalem cross, that the gems are opals and that it is a treasured gift from my mother from her recent trip to Jerusalem. My mother and I have October birthdays and enjoy wearing opals, our birthstone.

That was apparently the perfect opportunity for another guest to grab the necklace and examine it, indicating that she was a "jewelry expert" because her husband was a jeweler. She told me, "Those aren't opals, probably doublets" and went on for some time until I could extricate myself.

How does one address people with such boorish behavior?

GENTLE READER: By screaming when she grabbed the necklace from you, for starters. Otherwise, a tight smile as she nattered on was about the most you could have done, perhaps followed by a wistful, "Well, it has special meaning to me."

Miss Manners is aware that this will not take away the sting of this woman's hurtful comments, but perhaps your crestfallen look will make her think twice about doing it to someone else.

Eh, probably not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, my significant other suddenly passed away. Not long after, his daughter got married. My brother flew in from another state to be my plus-one, which I very much appreciated, given the circumstances, and we were both able to enjoy the beautiful occasion.

My first cousin recently reached out to me, excited to share the news that her son will be getting married and wanted my brother and me to attend. Based on her knowledge of the prior wedding I attended, she suggested my brother could be my plus-one again, and I agreed. She asked me for his address and I obliged.

Shortly thereafter, and to my surprise, I received a "save the date" envelope addressed as: Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe. But we are siblings, at different addresses -- not even in the same state.

I feel I should have received my own announcement, and my brother should have received his own, as well. If they are concerned about a head count, when sending the actual wedding invitations, they could simply omit the option for a plus-one.

Should I say something to my cousin, or the bride and groom? What is the etiquette here?

GENTLE READER: This is particularly perplexing, since you and your brother have the same relationship to this cousin. Why would he not get his own invitation for that reason alone?

Not doubt, she was just saving a stamp -- and/or, since you had discussed it beforehand, she did not feel like addressing two envelopes.

But if it really bothers you and you want to get her back, Miss Manners recommends you and your brother spilt the cost of the present and put both of your names on it. That will teach her.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN