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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in a store where an acquaintance of mine was making a scene, demanding a product that the store does not supply. She stormed out after a barrage of loud, foul language. As she left, she must have noticed me, but I was looking purposefully away.

This type of circumstance, while not the norm, certainly does arise. Is it correct to greet someone when they have just made a big, embarrassing scene? Or perhaps it is more delicate to let them exit the situation anonymously?

GENTLE READER: As you were not the one who misbehaved, there is no etiquette rule preventing you from greeting your friend with a cheerful smile. But Miss Manners does feel that your solution is both more tactful and less exhausting, as you were then spared the explanation that would no doubt have followed about why she thought her rude behavior was justified by the part you did not see.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many restaurants pack in as many tables as possible. I am wondering what one is supposed to do when one has to leave the table for a few minutes.

It seems that the options are to face the diners at the table next to one as one squeezes through the gap, which intrudes on their meal and privacy, or to have one's backside brushing by their food and drinks as one leaves, which also seems rude.

GENTLE READER: There is no single rule that Miss Manners can provide for such cases, though she can expand on what to watch out for.

Maneuvering in tight spaces requires careful judgment of each individual case -- and not just about which body part is least likely to cause offense when brought into close proximity to a fellow diner. You also want to give thought to what might happen if the person you are passing reacts in an unanticipated way.

When there is no obvious solution, you will have to say "excuse me" and wait for them to make room -- and do so in a way that does not lead a reasonable person to think you are implying that the tight spacing is their fault.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A tenured colleague (I work in education) routinely solicits the faculty to contribute to group gifts. This colleague sends the requests not only to those of us with tenure, but also to subordinates who lack tenure and whose jobs are dependent on the approval of tenured faculty members (including the solicitor).

My colleague's email solicitation "suggests" the amount to be contributed ($50 for a gift, for example) and directs that contributions are not to be made anonymously, as he wants to be able to confirm everyone's contribution.

Those of us with tenure can safely ignore the requests or simply make anonymous contributions, but those without job protection do not share that luxury. Is there a way around this conundrum?

GENTLE READER: Yes: Gather together the other tenured faculty to tell your colleague that this has to stop, as it is wrong to dun junior colleagues in this way. Say that if he does not desist, you will be taking it up with HR.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN