ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended my high school reunion about 10 years ago, and while standing in line at the buffet, a former classmate told me, "Gee, you look a lot better than you did in high school."

I believe my response was "Thanks ... I think." Later this year, I will be attending another reunion, and am seeking your advice on an appropriate response, should I be the recipient of a similar comment. I would hate to repeat myself!

GENTLE READER: "I suppose I just keep getting better." And then resist the temptation to indicate that your classmate clearly has not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On my birthday, my family all insists upon calling and speaking with me individually to wish me a happy birthday and check in.

I don't begrudge them the sentiment, but I must admit that I don't particularly enjoy this ritual. I speak with my siblings and parents otherwise on a regular basis, and those other conversations are wonderful, but usually limited to weekends when both parties have more downtime, and often I may speak with one relative a day ... not all of them in one day.

When my birthday falls on a weekday, I would much rather spend the time in the evening, after returning from work, with my children and spouse rather than on the phone having perfunctory conversations. Heck, even when it is a weekend birthday, I don't want to have to schedule in these calls.

Can you suggest a polite way to decline the request of "When are you free for a call today?" When it is my other family members' birthdays, I do not go out of my way to call them, but rather will send them a quick birthday text that does not require any response.

This year for my birthday, I suggested that they all call me around the same time, so that I could politely end one call to pick up the new call that was just incoming. This worked well enough, but I suspect my parents were up to my ruse, and quite frankly, even managing this subterfuge was more than I cared for. I don't want to be rude, and I certainly want to continue our occasional phone calls, but how can I better manage the requests to speak on my birthday?

GENTLE READER: Do not pick up. Or when your family texts to ask what time to call, tell them that you have a busy day planned, but appreciate the sentiment and will catch up on your next occasional call.

This solves the problem and is not impolite. But Miss Manners warns you that it is not without long-term consequences. There may come a day when you will welcome these calls, as tedious as you find them at the moment. Miss Manners hopes that your current fatigue will dissipate and you will see that your family loves you and only wants to celebrate you. That they annoy you, too, is just a bonus.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN