ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was hiking in a beautiful country that proclaims itself more polite than the U.S. On a "leashed dogs only" hiking trail, two local women approached with an unleashed dog that tried to eat my only sandwich.

I said, "Ladies, I don't know if you're aware, but there's a leash law in this park." (There's a huge sign at the trailhead, "10 Reasons You Should Leash Your Dog.")

I got a look that said, "Let's not even acknowledge that dog-hating Yank."

What can I say next time? This occurs often. Is the nation's vaunted politeness actually just passive-aggressiveness? My wife, who hails from that very province, wanted me to say, "Sorry" (a word they use a lot here) -- "don't I know you from somewhere, KAREN?"

Or should I have texted their group picture to the park violation hotline from the get-go?

GENTLE READER: You already know the answer to this.

Miss Manners wants to be on your side. She really does. But your proposed solutions and biased attitude toward a whole country, when only two people have been rude, are preventing it. And really, besides the leash violation, their only etiquette infraction was an exasperated look.

If there really is a park violation hotline and you wish to turn them in, by all means, proceed. Perhaps it will liberate you from vilifying people -- and whole countries, and innocent people named Karen -- under the guise of etiquette.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in the process of throwing a surprise 25th wedding anniversary party for some very dear friends who are special to many -- and I mean MANY -- people.

The couple have done so much for everyone whose lives they have touched -- from working with kindergartners through fifth-grade kids at church every Sunday to taking on a parental role in three girls' lives after their mother passed. There are too many other examples to mention. They are truly a blessing to everyone.

Of course after being married for 25 years, they have everything and anything that they need. When I send out the invites to approximately 50 people, how do I ask them to give money to the couple instead of physical gifts?

I know that the husband would like to take his wife on a New England vacation, and I know he will do so with or without our help. But if we can give them some money as a gift, they can have an even bigger and better vacation.

I was told that it isn't proper to ask for money, but I feel that if I ask in a loving way and explain why I am asking, it would be OK. So how would you do it, Miss Manners?

GENTLE READER: By hosting a party on your friends' behalf -- and without their knowledge -- you are representing them to their guests. And it is Miss Manners' guess that the risk of embarrassing these dear friends by asking their intimates to pay for a better vacation is too great to be worth it.

Let the fact that you are surprising them with 50 people on their anniversary be enough of a gamble. Your present can be that they will have plenty to talk about on their trip.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN