ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: According to my doctor and a genetic test, I have early onset Parkinson's disease. I am 38. I am having a lot of the memory issues and brain fog that come with the disease, but not the noticeable tremors in these early stages.

What do I say to people who don't understand why I forget words midsentence, or the correct names for things, or even, on the rare occasion, where I am and what I'm doing?

I've tried to explain it's the illness, but my age and lack of tremor have people doubting me. They say I just need to do more sudoku or crosswords to sharpen my mind. It's very frustrating!

GENTLE READER: Extremely, but this is a reason for the common advice against frankly discussing one's personal medical history. Besides being undignified, such honesty does not save one from the rude and insensitive.

You do not owe these people an explanation. The world is full of absentminded and forgetful people, and Miss Manners advises letting them draw their own conclusions.

Even more obvious symptoms would not require you to reveal your health problems to anyone who does not have a serious reason to be concerned about you. Idle curiosity should be discouraged with a curt "It's not something I want to discuss."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a tenuous relationship with my neighbors. How do I kindly tell them I cannot stand the smell of their used cat litter bags collecting in our hallway?

GENTLE READER: Leave an enclosed garbage can and/or air freshener out there. Or ask, "If you need help taking the litter bags to the garbage, please let me know. Because sometimes it starts to smell out here."

Since the relationship is already tenuous, Miss Manners thinks you do not have much to lose.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I once was invited to a meal a few months after a death in my family. It was a potluck/buffet event. I was asked to bring small amounts of six or seven different items, including nuts, seeds, dried fruit, etc.

If I had purchased these items and brought the requested amounts, I would have had lots of those foods left over at home, and I personally don't eat any of it. I hate to waste food. I asked the hostess if I could just bring one item instead, and bring a whole bag of it. I also offered to convey my regrets if that was not acceptable to her.

She said to just bring myself. I had never experienced a specific and complicated request like that. Did I do something wrong?

GENTLE READER: You did not, as some amount of negotiation is often unavoidable in such events, which are, by their nature, informal. Your hostess was also gracious in offering to relieve you of the obligation when she realized you were finding it challenging to comply.

Miss Manners finds herself curious whether you attended, what you did or did not bring, and how your family's loss relates to any of it. She hopes you did not fear that you needed to garner sympathy before asking a question of Miss Manners -- lest you become the main course.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN