Host Wants To Bring Back Assigned Seating
DEAR MISS MANNERS: For work, I often attend meals with assigned seating -- not just assigned tables, but individual chairs. I really enjoy these events, since they are opportunities to talk with seatmates I may not know well, or at all.
So I returned to using assigned seating at dinner parties in my home, hoping to replicate the opportunity for my guests to get to know people better. Not only did it achieve this objective, but it also made it so much easier to gracefully meet dietary or beverage restrictions, such as alcoholic vs. non-alcoholic or red vs. white wine. Given these social and pragmatic benefits, why isn't assigned seating far more common?
GENTLE READER: Perhaps because not all guests are as cooperative as yours. Many hosts report resistance, in the forms of surreptitious card-shuffling and outright complaints.
Mostly this is because their object is to sit next to people they already know -- even people to whom they are married. Yet the purpose of such meals is for people to mix, and it is a guest's duty to make the effort.
It bewilders Miss Manners that those who are so open to meeting strangers online will shy away from meeting, in person, people who have been vetted by their real-life friends.
Typically, unattached singles want to scare up an escort when attending weddings, complaining that they won't know anyone there. Yet weddings, at least those where the bride's friends and relatives have met those of the bridegroom, used to be the starting point for future weddings. (Note that it is legitimate to seat families together on such occasions, because these also serve as reunions.)
Fortunately, you have more sophisticated guests. The opportunity to meet new people is a rare pleasure nowadays.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have made an awful faux pas. I am a graduate student working extremely hard, and one class this term is exceptionally time-consuming. I have spent the bulk of my time reading, working problems, and meeting with the professor during his office hours for assistance.
Unfortunately, my efforts have not led to the results I would like on our weekly quizzes. This past week, my professor was going over the quiz just after we took it, and when he gave one step that I had not done, I whispered a profanity to myself.
My professor looked at me and smirked and continued on. I have learned from other classmates that he has radar ears and can hear mumbles from 30 feet away, even in a moderately noisy room.
What is the appropriate course of action here: apologize to him in person, or via email/note? Let him assume he heard one thing and could be incorrect? Ignore the whole event because it isn't that big of a deal?
GENTLE READER: Your professor has heard that word before. What Miss Manners guesses he has heard less often, if ever, is an acknowledgment that despite your frustration with your progress, you are determined to master the subject under his excellent guidance.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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