ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a college student who used to share the common area of my dorm room with one girl, Missy, while a third roommate, Artemis, has her own room with a door. She has a boyfriend (with his own apartment) who is over all the time, which I didn't mind, because he's a nice guy.

But since Missy left, Artemis and her boyfriend have taken over her area, depriving me of any sense of added privacy. They make out on Missy's bed while I'm trying to work, and he recently plunked a sleeping bag down, implying that he's planning on taking over the empty bed.

In addition to all this, they tend to walk around and chat in the common area, busy themselves in the kitchen, and even slam the door when they do leave. I'm taking an early class three days a week, so I have to go to bed at a certain time.

I don't want to be rude, but I do want them to realize how their thoughtless behavior is robbing me of privacy, space and sleep. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Talk to her? She cannot reasonably think that it is fair to have a private room and free use of the common areas, particularly for activities that should be confined to behind closed doors.

Miss Manners suggests you pretend that her thoughtlessness is due to being in the throes of love: "I really like Tripp and it's fun to have him around, but I'm sure you two want more privacy and I don't want to distract you with my studying. Also, I'm not sure how long they'll let us keep Missy's bed empty, so we might want to make sure it's free in case someone shows up."

Then invite friends over to pretend they are looking.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During several recent doctor visits, my "quiet" stay in the waiting room was disturbed by rude people feeling they had to dictate a text out loud. The words were bad enough, but they also had to add the punctuation as they dictated.

As a former English teacher, am I equally rude in correcting their grammar in front of the other patients in the waiting room? Or are they fair game since they infringed on others' air space?

GENTLE READER: Not equally rude. Somehow even more so.

Must Miss Manners remind you that one does not reciprocate bad manners? And between talking too loud and publicly correcting someone's grammar, the latter is the greater offense. No matter how good the syntax with which it is uttered.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We were treated to dinner by someone to whom we had given a gift card for that restaurant. The total bill exceeded the gift card amount, but the recipient refused to let us chip in. It was unexpected, and we made it known that we had wished for them to use it for a night out alone.

In the end, we agreed to a compromise where we paid the (substantial) tip.

GENTLE READER: Great. Miss Manners is happy that you found a solution. And that everyone -- particularly the server -- benefited from your (substantial) generosity.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN