ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live with my daughter and her husband. He prefers to be the cook for dinner, and he's good at it.

He also has a new job as a mechanic. He changes oil and tires, and is training as a master mechanic apprentice. He's a great guy and I'm very happy for him.

The issue is that he comes home and washes his hands before he cooks, but he doesn't change out of his dirty uniform, and his fingernails are filthy. It's very off-putting -- I don't want to eat what he fixes when his nails are like that and his clothes are filthy.

He and my daughter say the clothes are just stained. I don't buy it -- do I need to just get over it?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you could offer to help?

"Here, why don't I start scraping the carrots while you go change and finish washing up." And if he continues to insist that he is clean -- gloves? An apron? Takeout?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It has been known for several months that my niece is in a long-term relationship and is planning a very small venue for their commitment ceremony. The mother of the bride has been commenting for months to the extended family to not expect invitations due to the small size of the venue.

Much to my surprise, I received a text from the bride a few days ago with link to RSVP to their commitment ceremony. Upon my reading the details, I saw that the instructions were to RSVP by a date 11 days before I received the invitation.

What is the proper response to receiving an invitation with an RSVP date that has passed? I am not sure if I am truly welcome or simply a warm body filling a space for those who were truly wanted from the first wave (or two) of invitations.

I'm thinking of not responding at all. What is the proper response, if any?

GENTLE READER: It depends. Do you want to go?

It seems to Miss Manners that you were already warned that you were not likely to be invited. So she would think that being promoted to warm body/seat filler is a step up.

Being insulted now seems redundant. But if you are, so much so that you do not wish to attend, simply reply (by handwritten letter instead of anything digital, if you really want to annoy them) that you are sorry that you cannot be there. Do not add any excuses, which are not necessary, or an admission of hurt feelings.

If you do go, however, then you must also promise to resist chastising the couple or acting put out. It is a commitment ceremony, after all, so commit to acting as if you are happy to be there -- no matter when or why you were invited.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN