ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I am with someone in person, I think it is rude to answer the phone (the message being that the caller is more important than our conversation). A friend claims that she only intends to pick up and say she will call them back.

But sometimes there is an exchange, and I am sitting there waiting till she finishes. I always ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted a small birthday party for my husband at a restaurant. Our guests were a couple and a single man. The couple asked if we wanted to order a number of small plates, meant for sharing. The rest of us preferred to order our own entrees.

The couple then proceeded to order quite a few of the small plates, asking us if we ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A teacher I have worked with for the last 13 years is retiring at the end of the school year. Teachers have been asked to submit a 4x6 card with a message to her for an album. She will most likely be having a retirement party as well.

She has treated me very meanly over the years. She is capable of being very nice one minute,...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every morning, I pick up my son's neighborhood friend and drive them both to school on my way to work. My son's friend is an exemplary young man -- polite and respectful in all ways except one.

He eats his breakfast in my backseat each morning -- unfortunately, in a way that allows us to hear his chewing and smacking of lips,...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I heard this anecdote in college and a couple of times in the years since then: An applicant goes to a job interview. There is a piece of crumpled paper on the floor of the interviewer's office, not far from a trash can. This a test: Anyone who doesn't stop to pick up the trash and dispose of it will not be hired because they ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During the weekends, my partner and I will be out in the yard, toiling away at various landscaping and home improvement projects, and sometimes our neighbors are out doing the same.

I have no issues with any of our neighbors, but here's where my partner and I disagree: He will go over to the fence and have a lengthy chat with...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After two hours at a restaurant with a group of friends, everyone had eaten, the check had been settled, yet no one left. We stayed at the table for another 30 minutes, chatting away.

The restaurant was not busy and no one was waiting for a table. But I can't help but think that we lingered far too long.

Sure, a restaurant ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I are at the age where we are receiving invitations for our friends' children's weddings and graduation parties.

I am looking at a high school graduation party invitation that states: "Formal Sunset White Attire." We received wedding invitations that stated "Semi-Formal Cowboy Chic" and another requesting "all ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter and I have a disagreement regarding graduation invitations. She has stated that sending an invitation means you are expecting a gift, so therefore it is acceptable not to send the invitation.

I believe it is an opportunity to celebrate a major milestone in the life of the graduate with family and friends. I do not...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have some friends who frequently announce to me how much money they are saving by shopping at discount stores, buying off-brand items and buying all of their clothing, including shoes, at secondhand and thrift stores.

I am not wealthy, but I am a professional who works hard. I do not shop at these stores because whenever I ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a person of a certain age. I enjoy the company of other people, but I move quite slowly. I gladly receive guests for afternoon tea, as my housekeeper is amenable to serving.

Occasionally I wish to entertain a small group at a fine restaurant for the evening. Since I am making the invitation, I require nothing from my ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Where should I park my shopping cart while browsing a grocery section and/or reading ingredient labels?

I park my cart in the middle of the aisle, thereby allowing other shoppers to view the same items. This also lets me step out of the way to allow passersby through. I feel that other shoppers feel hurried when I wait for ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We face an awkward situation with my mom. She is chronically unwise with her money, taking frequent international vacations that leave her without enough money for necessary items.

We are not willing to give her the monthly allowance she wants because it would be a hardship to us, and also because if she followed a budget, ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When did it become de rigueur to wish every woman you see, for an entire week, a happy Mother's Day?

When I was growing up, Mother's Day and Father's Day were days that you did something nice for or with the respective parent. Unless a person was a close friend, you didn't ask "What are you doing for Mother's Day?" out of ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is the president of a local college alumni chapter, and I am the secretary. The chapter recently held an alumni meeting at the residence of the headmaster of a local private high school. Though the setting was a private home, the event was a formal gathering attended by the university president and various ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning a birthday party for my 3-year-old daughter. Last year, for her second birthday, we did a small event at home, and she was pleased about it. I only invited friends from her daycare to make it special for her.

For her first birthday, I invited her friends and their parents to our home. I also invited her daycare ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know that I should never invite guests to a party and require them to contribute food or money. But how does that work with political fundraising parties?

If my husband runs for office, how can we spread the word without making people (and in particular, our friends) feel that they have to pay?

GENTLE READER: By not ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of my wife's always calls her using videoconferencing. Always. It's as though she comes into the house uninvited, takes a seat and starts talking.

My wife is from the South, and is reluctant to ask her friend to change. I'm not exactly sure what advice you can give me. Perhaps I'm looking for you to agree that this ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young college student, but my dilemma seems to be shared by almost everyone I know. Both on campus and at home, I am subjected to the advances of evangelists for various causes -- not only religious, but also political.

They tape flyers to my door or slide them under it; they go door-to-door, interrupt me when I am ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Occasionally, when I arrive at a grocery store and walk to the entrance, someone who has finished loading their car will ask me if I want their now-empty shopping cart.

If I only plan to buy a few things and don't need the cart, would it be rude for me to say "No, but thank you" and continue on? I usually feel pressured to ...Read more