Dear Anna,

When my husband and I got engaged in our 20s, we were barely scraping by. He proposed without a ring, and we got married not long after with a small, low-key ceremony — no bands, no big gestures, just the two of us building a life together. At the time, it felt completely right. Fifteen years and a couple of kids later, things look very different. We’re financially comfortable now, and I’ve started to notice something I didn’t expect: I feel a little pang when I see friends or co-workers wearing wedding rings. It’s not even about the size or cost — I just like the symbolism. The idea of having something tangible that says, “this is my person.” I’ve brought up the idea of finally getting rings a few times, but my husband always brushes it off. He’ll say it’s unnecessary, or that what we have is more meaningful than any piece of jewelry, and then quickly move on. Meanwhile, I feel a little silly for caring — but I still care. Part of me wonders if I’m being superficial. Another part wonders why he’s so resistant. Is this something worth pushing for, or do I need to let it go? — Late to the Rings

Dear LTTR,

You’re not superficial. You’re also not really talking about jewelry.

It would be one thing if this were purely about wanting a bigger diamond or keeping up with your co-workers. But that’s not what you’re describing. You’re talking about symbolism, as you said, visibility, and — if we’re being honest — a bit of reassurance. Those are all very human desires, and none of them make you shallow.

Your husband isn’t wrong either. Love is more important than a ring. But he’s dodging the actual question, which isn’t “do rings matter?” but “why does this matter to you, and why does it not matter to him?” Those are two different conversations, and right now, you’re not having either of them fully.

Because here’s the thing, objects carry meaning because we give it to them. A ring isn’t inherently romantic — but for a lot of people, it becomes a daily, visible reminder of the commitment they made to their partner. It’s a signal to the outside world, yes, but also to yourself. Wanting that doesn’t diminish your relationship; it’s just another way of expressing it.

What’s more interesting is your husband’s resistance. Sometimes people who started out with very little develop a kind of pride around not needing “extras.” The no-ring origin story becomes part of the relationship’s identity — we’re not like those other couples; we didn’t need all that. Upgrading the symbolism later can feel, to them, like betraying that narrative.

But relationships are allowed to evolve. You’re not the same couple you were 15 years ago, and it’s reasonable that what feels meaningful might shift, too.

There’s also a quieter layer in what you said: the part about feeling more secure, about other people seeing that he’s taken. A ring won’t actually solve that. Plenty of married people get hit on, and plenty of single people wear rings. If reassurance is part of what you’re after, it’s worth naming that directly instead of outsourcing it to jewelry. (And also doing a little self-reflection and examination on why you might be feeling that way.)

So here’s where I’d push you a bit. Stop framing this as “should we get rings?” and start asking “why is this important to me, and why is it uncomfortable for you?” Ask him that, plainly. Not in passing, not as a casual suggestion he can wave off, but as a real conversation.

And be honest about your side without minimizing it. Not “I know it’s silly, but …” Just: this would make me feel seen, connected, and claimed in a way that matters to me.

Also, if there’s something a little baggage-y for him about rings specifically, it’s worth getting curious about that — and getting creative. Rings are just one cultural shorthand for commitment, not the only one. In some traditions, couples exchange bracelets or necklaces instead of bands; in others, tattoos serve as a permanent marker of partnership; some people choose a shared object or ritual — a yearly trip, a handwritten letter on each anniversary, even a piece of art for the home — that becomes their symbol of commitment. There are cultures where the emphasis is less on a visible token and more on ongoing acts of devotion or family integration as the marker of partnership. The point is, the meaning doesn’t live in the object itself — it lives in the agreement behind it. If a ring feels loaded for him, the two of you can decide, together, what does feel meaningful, visible, and affirming now — not just what made sense when you were 25 and broke. You could even reframe it as not a wedding ring, but a token to celebrate 15 years together.

If he still resists the idea, then you have something more meaningful to work through than whether or not there’s metal on your finger.

Because the goal here isn’t a ring. It’s being taken seriously when you say something matters to you.

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