ArcaMax

I used to work with a guy, and every morning, I would greet him the same way.

"Howyadoin'?" I'd say.

"I'm here," he'd answer.

And so, we were. We were there for eight hours, day or night shift, with two 15-minute breaks and a 30-minute lunch.

And, after work, we went to places where the job wasn't. Home. Target. A bar.

And in those places, we talked freely about what it took to be somewhere for eight hours, and were told by the Target cashiers, or wives, and the bartender about what it took to be where they were for 8 hours.

Of course, now, with email, and text, and Zoom, and smartphones, there is at least the possibility you'll be at work wherever you are, even at home, where your husband, your kids and your cat live.

During the morning shower, The Job, big-nosed with bad skin, pulls back the shower curtain and gives you a hard look.

"Skip the conditioner, you're going to be late," The Job says.

Within private industry, the nondisclosure agreement, or NDA, is becoming more popular every year.

The nondisclosure agreement, which you must sign of your own free will if you want to get or keep a job, requires you to keep your mouth shut about what happens at work, usually while you're working there and after.

President Donald Trump, champion of America, freedom and Jesus, wants to extend NDA agreements to federal employees.

Why? The troops.

And that's a brilliant reason. Americans will do nearly anything if they're told it will help the truth or the cops. Nothing makes an American sign away his/her rights faster than the claim that it will benefit someone in a uniform.

And that's it. You're done. Every moment of your life, every opinion, day and night, awake or asleep, now belongs to the job.

"Howyadoin?" The Job says to you as you enter your home office.

"I love it here," you say. "This is the best job I ever had."

"Yeah, well that's not what you told that bartender last night," The Job says, scratching a boil on its neck. "You told him your boss was a dangerous incompetent who was ruining the company.

"This company values loyalty," The Job says. "Well, we value your loyalty to us, but don't try to value our loyalty to you because you're not going to see much of that.

"Artificial Intelligence doesn't go to bars," The Job says. "Understand what I'm saying?"

I work at home, and it's a disaster for any right-thinking manager. Right now, I'm not writing in my home office because there's a cat trying to get some sleep in there, so I'm writing at the kitchen table.

I'm barefoot, my hair isn't combed and, worst of all, I'm smoking.

When it first became possible to work at home, The Job didn't like the idea. It was afraid you wouldn't work every minute of your eight hours. However, once The Job figured out that working from home meant it could pay for a smaller office, and pay less for heat, light, air conditioning and coffee, it practically threw you out the front door.

It always comes back to loyalty. Applied to anyone except your immediate family members, loyalty is the most embarrassing of all the virtues.

And you know that. You've been working for a while. The line between loyalty and kissing the boss' high-heeled "power shoes" is so thin it can't be seen with the naked, overworked, bloodshot eye.

The non-disclosure agreement is the last, insistent demand of The Job, the last attempt to get at that small, blind baby bird of independence you've been hiding under your shirt, where you thought it would be warm and safe.

"Give up the baby bird," The Job says. "You and it belong to us, and I'm going to step on its head.

"The job doesn't belong to you," The Job says. "It belongs to us. There are layoffs coming in December. You want your severance? Sign the NDA.

"Face it," The Job says. "What the hell is a little creep like you going to do with independence anyway?"

To find out more about Marc Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. Dion's latest book, a collection of his best columns, is called "Mean Old Liberal." It is available in paperback from Amazon.com, and for Nook, Kindle and iBoks.