A solo comedic take on being the mom of a child with autism comes to Poway

SAN DIEGO — A humorous take on the challenges, joys and chaos of raising a son on the autism spectrum will be presented by Megan Dolan in Poway on Sunday afternoon.

“Not the Right Mom: A Full Spectrum Comedy” will be performed at 4 p.m. on April 26 in the Poway Center for the Performing Arts.

“All the experiences are mine, except for one scene I created with things I heard in certain situations,” Dolan said. “But for the most part, this is what I experienced.”

The 80-minute solo show with no intermission covers essentially the first year after Dolan’s son was diagnosed with autism at age 5. He is now 16.

To give him privacy, in the show Dolan uses a different name for her son, whose real name she does not reveal.

He recently saw “Not the Right Mom” in person after having seen it on video and told her he enjoyed it, she said.

“That was really so meaningful to me,” Dolan said.

While the show has often been promoted to those in support groups, school and parents of children with unique needs, Dolan said it actually appeals to a broader audience because those with a family member on the spectrum or who know someone who is can really relate to it.

“It’s very universal,” she said, adding that the show helps create a connection by touching upon themes such as redemption and resilience while incorporating levity over the absurdity of situations at times.

“I really think it is great for a parents’ night out, and recommend it for ages 14 and up because there is some well-placed profanity, which every show about parenting needs,” she said.

Dolan, 54, was born and raised in Southern California. She is a Long Beach-based writer, actor and storyteller. She earned her bachelor’s degree in theater arts from California State University, Long Beach and was a founding member of the acclaimed Elephant Theatre Company. For 17 years she also facilitated Playfair, which has been performed during college student orientations around the country.

She has also performed at the Moth, Hollywood Fringe Festival, Ojai Storytelling Festival and Expressing Motherhood. Her TEDx talk “Messy Mommy: A Slob in the Shadows” can be viewed on YouTube.

“Not the Right Mom” is her third solo show. Dolan said her first, created in 2000, focused on “a relationship I had in my 20s that plagued me.” Fifteen years later she created her second, this time focusing on life as the mother of two young children.

In 2018, she created “Not the Right Mom,” focusing on her son and dealing with his autism. For it she performs as at least 10 characters, including herself, her husband, daughter, son and other people they encountered along their journey.

After performing “Not the Right Mom” for a few years in small venues, described as those with fewer than 100 seats, throughout Southern California, Dolan said she thought by April 2024 that she would not continue it. However, someone who saw it suggested she consider performing arts centers, which can hold hundreds of people. That has opened her up to much larger audiences and opportunities she said.

Only slight modifications had to be made, which Dolan said she has enjoyed. For example, she started wearing a microphone so her voice could be heard.

“That is so incredibly exciting for me, because I do not have to push my voice and can give a more nuanced performance,” Dolan said. “I still talk directly to the audience, especially the rows in front of me. … It’s different with a microphone … but there is still an intimate feeling because I view the audience as my scene partner.”

There is a minimal set and props, and Dolan incorporates projected images on a screen to create some settings.

Dolan said while she has had a variety of acting experiences, including in traditional plays on stage, in commercials and film, she finds the solo show to be the acting format that best fits her family because she can rehearse on her own at times that work for her.

“I can run lines in the car … or when walking the dog,” she said.

Writing the material she performs also gives her an advantage in both memorizing her lines and creating lines that fit her well, she said.

“It’s really fun writing for your own voice,” Dolan said.

“Once I had kids, I was more discerning with what I do and would not just do any show,” she said. “My own material was juicer than anything I was auditioning for.”

Sharing intimate details about her personal life is something that Dolan said she has learned to embrace and view from a different perspective.

“The longer I do a show and own the story, it is not just reliving my life. It is really freeing and fun,” she said. “I’ve been able to be very emotional during a show … and as an actor that is so fulfilling.”

When presenting her first solo show, Dolan said she did not anticipate the “vulnerability hangover” she would experience. That is the feeling one can get when they second-guess and question why they overshared the previous day, she said. But Dolan learned early on how to separate her performances from her daily life, especially when those she knows come to see a show and then want to discuss it with her later.

While her shows are autobiographical, Dolan said there are times when she takes artistic license with the material.

“Some things have been heightened for dramatic effect,” she said.

One of the artists she admires is Mike Birbiglia, a stand-up comedian who has performed solo shows, she said.

Poway OnStage and Hope on the Hard Road are presenting additional opportunities for attendees that tie-into the subject.

Before the show, from 1:30 to 2:30 p.m., Dolan will be featured in a free writing workshop. Through guided writing prompts and free-writing exercises, participants will explore personal experiences, share their stories and connect with others in a safe, supportive space. No experience is needed, but participants need to register on the show’s page at powayonstage.org.

There will also be a short post-show Q&A with Dolan and experts such as Gohar Gyurjyan, Ph.D., the chief executive officer of MindWise Psychology Services; and Health Schauder, the executive director of special education for the Poway Unified School District.

“Not the Right Mom: A Full Spectrum Comedy” can be seen at 4 p.m. Sunday, April 26, in the Poway Center for the Performing Arts, 15498 Espola Road.

Tickets are $39-$51 for adults; $35-$45 for seniors (65-plus), active military and students (ages 13-21); and $24-$30 for youths (12 and under). Buy at powayonstage.org, at the PCPA box office or call 858-748-0505.