From the Left



Woman Is a Wishbone

Marc Munroe Dion on

I'm not sure who still pulls the wishbone when they eat turkey. The tradition belongs to "throw salt over your shoulder America."

Briefly, when you have turkey, say, on Thanksgiving, you let the turkey's "wishbone" dry out for a couple days, and then one of you takes hold of one end, one of you takes hold of the other, and you pull until the wishbone breaks. Whoever gets the biggest piece gets their wish.

The wishbone is in the turkey's chest, in case you want to look for it the next time you serve turkey.

When I say "chest," I mean somewhere around the turkey's chest. I know the parts of a turkey the way I know the parts of a woman, which means I can find the head, legs, feet and a lot of the more obvious parts. As for the stuff inside, I sort of guess at location, and I use a slang word to refer to those parts whose uses I may or may not really understand.

We got the women right where we want 'em now. You got a grip on one of her ankles, I got a grip on the other, and we're gonna pull until she splits. Whoever gets the biggest piece of her gets their wish. The tradition belongs to "women are too stupid to vote America."

And there she is, in the middle, a strong grip on each ankle, being pulled apart.


Schoolgirl. Model. Teacher's aide. Lawyer. Mom of three and on welfare. Mom of two with a truck driver husband. Scared as hell and 17, and the boyfriend turned out to be lying, and her family doesn't have money for bus fare out of Alabama.

If she has the child, she's been criminally careless with the birth control, or she wants more benefits, or, let's talk turkey here, she's a girl whose morals are as loose as her pants are tight. If she doesn't have the child, she's a murderer.

There's no safe road home for the woman being torn in two.

But someone always gets the biggest piece of her, and that's what the politicians fight over. How many votes are in the biggest piece? Who's gonna get the short end of the girl?


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