Lori Borgman: Pocket packers picked a pack of paper napkins

Lori Borgman, Tribune News Service on Aug 11, 2026

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Our nightly dinner routine goes like this: I cook dinner and the husband sets the table. Last night we had Panera napkins, the night before we had Subway napkins. We have a drawer full of cloth napkins, but he prefers to save those until we’ve used all the extras that fast food places stuff in the bag with our order.

Sometimes he goes to the garage and rummages through one of the cars in order to finish setting the table. At least we’re not blowing our retirement savings on napkins.

Being that the husband hails from the Waste Not, Want Not gene pool, we also have numerous tiny bottles of shampoos and conditioners from hotels. This is fortunate because the days of travel-size toiletries are in the rearview mirror now that many states have banned single-use plastic.

These days, most hotel shampoos and conditioners are in large dispensers bolted to the wall. The only way to take some with you would be to pump them directly into your cosmetic bag.

I didn’t think so.

Pocket packers, people who take more of the freebies than they need, have made life difficult for everyone. Ketchup packets within reach have become a rarity. You have to ask for ketchup at the counter. And say, “Please.” Sometimes you have to say, “Pretty please.” And endure a withering glare. How dare you want ketchup with those fries!

We were recently at a burger place that still had ketchup in a pump dispenser alongside little paper cups. It had been watered down so thin it couldn’t qualify as tomato sauce.

Straws are often under lock and key. You can still fill your own drink at some places, but you’ll have to get back in line to request a straw.

Understandably, fast food restaurants are storing condiments in time-locked safes to prevent pocket packing by customers.

I wouldn’t like it either if people came to my kitchen and tried to make a getaway with our essentials. Oh, that’s right. They do that all the time.

Hey Grandma, you gonna eat these?

Hey Grandma, could I have some cookies for the road?

Some people call ‘em grandkids; I call ‘em belly packers.