Q. My ex just told me in one breath that he is getting married and then, with the next breath, invited me to the wedding. As good as we all get along, I was a little shocked -- and I really don’t want to go. Our daughter will be the flower girl and I’m concerned she may be uncomfortable. How do I decline the invitation without offending him? What’s good ex-etiquette?

A. First, it’s important to acknowledge that being invited to your ex’s wedding is often a sign of respect. Some might find that laughable, but it usually means your ex and his future spouse want to keep the atmosphere positive for the children and recognize the role you play in their lives. That kind of goodwill is something to appreciate and shows that you are all doing your best to put the children first (Good Ex-Etiquette for Parents Rule No. 1).

That said, being a good co-parent does not mean you must attend every milestone in your former spouse’s life. Given that, it’s understandable that you are concerned about offending him. After all, things are going well and this was a generous gesture.

This is where Ex-Etiquette Rule No. 8 comes in: Be honest and straightforward.

Don’t invent an excuse or create a complicated explanation. A simple, sincere response is often the most respectful approach. You might say something like this: “I really appreciate the invitation, and I think it’s wonderful that our daughter will be the flower girl. I’m going to let the day be about the two of you and not attend, but please know I sincerely wish you the best.”

That kind of response does several important things. It acknowledges the invitation, expresses goodwill toward the couple, and clearly communicates your decision without criticism or awkwardness. Honesty delivered with kindness is rarely offensive.

You also mentioned being concerned that your daughter might feel uncomfortable if you attend. Children take their emotional cues from their parents. If you present the wedding as something positive and exciting, she will likely feel proud of her role rather than uncomfortable.

Being a flower girl is a big moment for a child. When you show calm acceptance of the situation, you help your child feel secure in both homes. The more you can do to make the transition between homes easier for your child, the quicker she will adjust. You want her to feel loved in both homes.

If your presence is needed beforehand to help her get ready or provide reassurance, that can often be arranged without attending the entire ceremony. Many co-parents quietly support their children behind the scenes and then step away so the focus stays where it belongs.

Remember, the goal of good ex-etiquette is not to erase the past or pretend that every situation feels comfortable. The goal is to handle life’s transitions with respect, clarity and consideration for the children.

Sometimes the most gracious way to support a new beginning is simply to wish the couple well and allow them to celebrate their day. That is good ex-etiquette.

©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC