Note that I do not take Urban Dictionary as gospel (I’d have problems if I did!), but when it comes to defining the word “dating,” the usually off-color site does a pretty good job. One of the (many!) definitions says,“…to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully-fledged couple.”

Notice that the definition isn’t “going out once to determine if this person will be your soulmate, your life partner, your everything.” This is where many people get confused.

Clients ask me all the time whether they should go on a second date if they’re not sure whether they were really into the other person (either for personality or physical attraction reasons) after the first date. They don’t want to lead the other person on, making someone think that this might be the beginning of a relationship when, in fact, the next date would be “just to see” if there’s any potential.

While in theory this makes sense, I argue that the whole point of dating is to get to know people to see if you want to start a relationship with them!

The definition above even states that people date “to find out what each other is like.” It’s often the case that we’re not sure how we feel after a first date. Of course, it’s sometimes clear that you have a major spark, or alternately, that you can’t stand the other person. It’s often too hard after just one date to decide if this new person will ultimately be “your person.”

My point: It’s OK to see someone again just to see how you feel. You’re not leading someone on – you’re just dating! (And, really, don’t you think they’d actually be more disappointed if you decided not to see them again to spare their feelings. They are not wilting flowers … they’ll be fine!)

Sometimes people forget that dating is a process, not a verdict. A first date is a single data point, not a full picture. We learn so much more about someone on dates two and three… how they follow up, whether they can hold a conversation when nerves settle, how they treat people when they’re comfortable, and how you actually feel when you’re not evaluating every moment in real time. A lot of clarity comes from repetition, not from pressure.

Back in 2005 (am I getting old?), I went on a first date with someone I met at my adult kickball league. The date was … fine. There were silences, awkward ones. When the date came to a close, I thought to myself, “Nice enough guy, but I don’t think I’m into him.”

The next day, I sent a quick “thank you” email (Yikes!! We’ve come a long way. Now it would be a text.). From that email, we actually started a pretty witty banter. And then he asked me out again. What was I to do? While I didn’t have a great time on the date, this guy seemed interested. I knew he could at least communicate in written form, and, well, I was free the night he asked. I figured it couldn’t hurt “just to see.”

Long story short: We dated for a year and a half. It’s more than OK not to know after the first date how you feel. Remember, you don’t have to make life-altering decisions after date No. 1, like what kind of wedding china you’re going to get.

Simply ask yourself this question: Do I want to have another conversation with this person? If the answer might be yes (or even if you’re not sure), you have nothing to lose by giving it another shot. Worst case scenario is that you realize you were right the first time, and this person is definitely not for you. At least now you don’t have to wonder! It’s just dating, after all.

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