About 10 years ago, when I was in the first few years of running my business, I was working out of a co-working space. A great place to get work done … and meet people. I remember very clearly when someone I met at the office asked if I’d like to have dinner. I thought it was a nice gesture, and I know how hard it is to muster up the courage to ask someone out “in real life,” so I said yes. We planned on a date a few days later, exchanged numbers and then went about our own business.

That’s when the texts started coming in: “Good morning, beautiful.” “I see you over there in the office.” “Send me a picture of you at the pool.”

Beyond a few hellos and goodbyes, I didn’t know this man, and his texts were making me feel uncomfortable. I asked him to please stop coming on so strong, but he didn’t. I ultimately had to go with my gut and decided to cancel the date based on his texts to me.

In another situation, a client exchanged numbers in order to arrange a date with someone she met online. (I don’t encourage this; you can arrange the whole thing on the dating app before sharing numbers.) Regardless, before even scheduling the date, he texted her at 2 a.m., asking, “What are you up to?” She declined a date with him because a 2 a.m. text generally implies one thing … and it’s not a game of Parcheesi.

How many times have you said the following to your friends, or have they said something like this to you?

“We were talking online, and then he asked for my number to make it easier to schedule the date. Well, it’s been a week, and all he does is text with no date in sight!”

Or, how about this one?

“I love this woman! We’ve been texting every day, and I’m really falling for her.”

It happens all the time: Someone puts their phone number on a dating site or app and says, “Text me” or “Reach out to me.” Does it really make communicating easier? And really, is there a need to text before the date, except to confirm the day before? My recommendation is simply to exchange numbers a day or two prior to the date so you can 1) confirm and 2) contact each other the day of in case something goes awry (you need to cancel, you’re running late, etc.). If getting the date on the calendar is the prize, if you will, then any additional texting can only lower your chances of making it to said date.

Besides the never-ending text relationship that might form with no date in sight, by texting too much before the date, you run the risk of building a false impression of this person—positive or negative—that may not equate to what he or she is like in real life. We often have a tendency to share things behind the screen that we may not reveal to someone in person until much later.

Let’s talk about a solution. If you’re intent on texting before a date, then try to keep these texts to a minimum, with the purpose of determining the logistics of the date. If your date starts sending you mundane "How was your day?" texts, it’s up to you to cut this off, nicely of course. Saying something as simple as this should do the trick: “Hey, I’m not really a huge texter, but I’m really looking forward to seeing you this week!”

Now, I’m not saying all texting is bad. It’s great when you’re in a relationship to check in with someone during the day or to send a sweet inside joke. But in dating, the sooner you meet for the first date, the better. Don’t let texting be the death of the first date.

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