Life Advice

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Barton Goldsmith: 10 steps to help you accomplish any goal

Life Advice / Dating Advice /

It’s a new year, and that usually means setting new goals for yourself. But this isn’t just any new year. Surviving 2020 was in itself a huge accomplishment. You should give yourself a pat on the back for doing just that.

Those of us who are or will be fortunate enough to have grandchildren will tell them how we survived the coronavirus ...Read more

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Erika Ettin: 'Never married' doesn't mean 'never in a relationship'

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The other day, a 60-something widowed female client of mine received a message on Match.com from an accomplished, seemingly nice man. In her first response back to him, she asked — point blank — “Why have you never been married?” He replied very politely, saying that it was a combination of things, some work-related and some more ...Read more

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Erika Ettin: Merging technology and 'Sex and the City': A match or a mistake?

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I was sitting in my room at my parents’ house in New Jersey when I heard the loudest guffaw coming from the master bedroom … and it was from my dad. I assumed he was watching some “manly” show that I’d never find funny. Nope. What was he watching? "Sex and the City." From that day on, I became an avid "Sex and the City" fan.

Fast ...Read more

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Barton Goldsmith: Pandemic-related anxiety and depression

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Everyone knows this is a very difficult time. Pandemic-related anxiety and depression has increased dramatically, as has the use of alcohol, pills and cannabis. People are tired of feeling bad and sad, so they look for escapes where they can find them.

During this time, we’ve also seen an uptick in divorces and breakups. Ending a relationship...Read more

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Erika Ettin: 5 dating resolutions to make in 2021

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It’s a new year — and after the many hardships of 2020, it’s a very welcomed one. While just writing out the numbers in 2021 feels like an instant mood booster, that doesn’t mean that we won’t repeat old patterns of making resolutions only to push them to the side with excuses before January ends.

Many singles start the new year with ...Read more

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Barton Goldsmith: 10 ways to avoid disappointment in 2021

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Well this was a tough year, but the next one should be a little easier once we get some immunity going. The stress has been overwhelming for millions, so don’t give yourself a hard time if you haven’t launched your IPO — this year has been about survival. We can’t be normal yet, so I’m still going to keep my dreams, and if they don’t...Read more

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Erika Ettin: 7 things people write in dating profiles ... and what they actually mean by them

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People write all kinds of things in their profiles because it’s what they think others want to hear. (Keyword: think) Let’s take a look at 7 of these generic lines and then define what they actually mean.

1. What you say: I’m just as comfortable in a little black dress (or tux) as I am in jeans and a T-shirt.

What you’re trying to say:...Read more

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Barton Goldsmith: A brave new year

Life Advice / Dating Advice /

This past year was a very scary one, and we are still dealing with a lot of it – especially the pandemic. Figuring out how to live your life without getting sick makes doing almost anything more difficult—and worrying about it only makes things worse.

This year brought a surge in both addiction and mental health problems. If you are having ...Read more

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Erika Ettin: In online dating, go all in

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In online dating, I often see two competing factors:

1. People genuinely want to meet someone great (or at least they think they do).

2. People are lazy and don’t take the time to do online dating well… or at all.

This conversation happened to a client of mine (the woman in this exchange) yesterday on Bumble:

Her: Do you still drink iced...Read more

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Barton Goldsmith: Some socializing tips to improve your online connections

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Online socializing, connections and meetings have been a great help during this time, but for some people it can be a little daunting, usually more in an interpersonal way than with the technology. I have a secret: I am shy, even in online meetings. And before the pandemic, I was the same way socially.

If I was invited to an event where I didn�...Read more

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Erika Ettin: How to survive (and thrive!) over the holidays if you’re single and can’t get together with family this year

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The holidays are looking different for everyone this year due to the coronavirus pandemic: no office parties, scaled-down or nonexistent get-togethers with family, and skipping traditions that go back decades. And for singles who won’t be able to spend time with their families, this year may seem completely lacking in holiday spirit.

But it ...Read more

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Barton Goldsmith: Enjoying the December holidays despite the pandemic

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This is a special time of year for almost everybody. We need to take in the spirit and joy of the season, despite how different this one is going to be. In that light, here are some suggestions for getting the most out of this holiday season while staying safe and healthy.

1. All the research is showing that even small gatherings are just not a...Read more

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Barton Goldsmith: Great gifts for the whole person

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My choices for great holiday gifts are based on what’s best for the whole person. These are all aids to emotional fitness and healing. I have them and use them all. And no, you will not find them under your seat, but they can all be had via your computer. (I know you were wondering what to do with those gift cards.)

1. Smart watch. Mine is by...Read more

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Barton Goldsmith: When you think you don't have a future, you live in the past

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The pandemic has caused a secondary epidemic of anxiety and depression among most people. Coping with those feelings can be an all-encompassing experience, and that is just not a way to go through life.

When you think you don't have a future, you live in the past and spend too much time dwelling on your mistakes and regrets. A woulda, shoulda, ...Read more

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Erika Ettin: How did you two meet?

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"How did you two meet?"

This is the inevitable first question to new (or no-so-new) couples. It's partly due to curiosity, partly to see what "worked" for them, and partly because it seems like a natural first question. But my question is this: Should this be what we ask couples? Why is it that so many people place such weight on where or how a...Read more

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Erika Ettin: Decisive people get dates

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I have an account on Instagram (@ALittleNudge) where I post online dating messages and profiles — often bad ones. I don't post them with the goal of making fun of someone, of course. Rather, I post with the objective of teaching people a lesson, often what not to do. The common theme of these posts is that each one highlights one particular ...Read more

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Barton Goldsmith: My dog has a favorite person, and it's not me

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I rescued my little Foxy several years ago. I wasn't looking for her, but she just crawled up on to my lap and went to sleep, so I took her home. She spent the night with her head on my pillow, and I knew she belonged with me.

It wasn't all green grass and fire hydrants. She had been abused, was not socialized well and not trained at all, so we...Read more

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Barton Goldsmith: Tips for making the holiday special during a difficult time in our lives

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Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and right now gratitude has never been more important. I love everything about this holiday, and this year it's going to be so different. We will all have to get creative to feel like we are having a celebration in the middle of a crisis. Our collective well-being is very precarious right now, and we need to ...Read more

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Erika Ettin: What can I write to attract a quality person?

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"What can I write in my profile to attract the kind of person I'm looking for?" This is a question I get from clients almost daily. In their mind, they have a target partner. Let's say this "target" is a man in his 60s, well-educated, has grown kids, and lives in New York City. Or maybe this "target" is a woman in her mid-30s who is open to ...Read more

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Erika Ettin: Your burning dating questions answered

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As a dating coach, I get daily questions from clients surrounding the entire dating process. This week, I have chosen three recent questions, all very different, and my responses. If you have others you'd like me to post/answer, please feel free to reach out to date411@alittlenudge.com.

Question:

Hi Erika! Now that we've given eHarmony some ...Read more