Erika Ettin: Why we want people we can't have
You like someone. They like you. You continue liking this person. This person pulls back. You wonder why and push a little. This person continues to pull back. You get anxious and obsess. Sadly, in dating, this is a common occurrence.
Why might a person’s feelings actually grow the less someone reciprocates those feelings? In truth, it’s ...Read more
Erika Ettin: 3 pieces of old-school dating wisdom that have not stood the test of time
Once in a while, something pop ups on a website or social media site: dating tips and advice from a bygone era. In most cases, the tips are quite obviously outdated and prompt a laugh at how much things have changed, but many people still follow some dating “rules” or bits of wisdom, even if they’re old-fashioned — and for good reason. ...Read more
Erika Ettin: Dating advice from my dad
The first time my dad gave me dating advice was my freshman year of college. After a very short-lived relationship — or whatever you call a two-week PG-13 love connection when you're 18 — I called my mom to sob to her when my crush broke up with me. Mom wasn’t home, so I got Dad.
Dad, in all his wisdom, said, “Boys are stupid.” ...Read more
Erika Ettin: Is paying for an online dating site worth it? Here's what the stats say
It’s no secret people are watching their wallets these days — and for good reason (if you’ve bought eggs or needed to fill your car with gas recently, you’ll know what I’m talking about). So it would make sense that many singles are sticking to free apps and websites when it comes to online dating.
However, finding love might be worth...Read more
Erika Ettin: The difference between deleting and deactivating your dating profile (and why it matters)
I recently had someone reach out to me about a dating dilemma. The man she was dating exclusively told her he was no longer on apps; however, a friend spotted his profile, which was not only “active now” but updated. When this person approached the man about it, he claimed the app kept his dating profile active for “research.”
Erika Ettin: A glossary of today's dating lingo
Anyone dating today, especially online and using apps, will tell you that you may have to add a few words to your vocabulary. By now, everyone probably knows about catfishing (pretending you’re somebody online who you’re not). But did you know there are also practices called benching, breadcrumbing, and even kittenfishing?
This glossary ...Read more
Rebel Wilson launching Fluid dating app that lets users 'explore a wider dating pool' regardless of orientation
Rebel Wilson wants to help you widen your dating pool. The Australian-born actor is launching a new dating app designed to help curious singles of any sexual orientation to match and meet new people.
Fluid, which is expected to be available in the App Store in the coming weeks, will use the “latest matchmaking technology and an advanced ...Read more
Considering moving in with your partner? Have these crucial conversations first
LOS ANGELES -- Hillary Chang had been dating her boyfriend for three years when he asked her a question that would change their relationship forever: Do you want to move in together?
He'd been offered a new job in tech sales, which would require him to move from their current city of San Diego to Los Angeles. Their relationship had been going ...Read more
Erika Ettin: Testing dating site hypotheses with data
As a dating coach — and former economist, to boot — I always have a set of hypotheses I know that can be proven true through the work I’ve been doing for the past 12 years. Most have to do with dating sites: people’s satisfaction (they often directly correlate to their last date, for better or worse); preferences (most want to “date up...Read more
Erika Ettin: An outdated profile may make you lose out on a date
Many years ago, I had a client who was on an online dating site, and someone she was interested in had a really cute picture of himself with a dog. When she reached out to him, she said, “What a cute pup! What’s his/her name?”
The guy replied and, rather than being flattered that my client reached out, he instead accused her of stalking ...Read more
Erika Ettin: How to explain a bad date, with help from psychology
What went wrong on your last date? The way you answer could change everything about how you approach your next one.
Psychologists Martin Seligman and Gregory McClell Buchanan have studied how people explain life events. How might we explain the man who was rude to us on the bus? Or the results of the “cutest dog” photo contest we answered? ...Read more
How two friends from Cuba lost touch, then reunited in the US -- after 60 years apart
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Her iPhone rang, and Terry Diego made a face.
The call was coming from an unknown number, and Terry doesn’t answer calls from unknown numbers. Her husband Emilio does, though, so she passed her device to him.
This was not even two years ago. It had, to that point, been just another ordinary day of enjoying retirement for ...Read more
Survival tactics for the modern world
by Barton Goldsmith
I got an email from a reader saying, “I enjoyed your article, ‘Surviving a hard time.’ I try to remember, “Tough times don’t last, but tough people do.” Did I actually say that? I certainly have never considered myself tough. Smart, creative, quick — OK, these are words I would use to describe myself. I ...Read more
Erika Ettin: Talk the talk and walk the walk
I’ve always loved math. I still do. (And can’t forget spreadsheets!)
But I still remember that in high school, the entire calculus class was clueless as to why integrals were, well, integral to our lives. (I’m still not sure, to be honest.) Our teacher, Mr. Opre, told us to “talk the talk and walk the walk” until we started to really...Read more
Erika Ettin: Why dating is like 'Property Brothers' (seriously!)
If you’ve ever watched "Property Brothers" on HGTV, you know they do a similar schtick with each client before choosing a house to renovate. Clients typically have a long list of very specific requirements for their dream house: two-car garage, swimming pool, marble countertops, you name it. Then the clients share their budget. This number ...Read more
Barton Goldsmith: 10 things to do when you feel stuck
Sometimes when we are trying our best to move forward, something comes along to block us. Here are 10 things to do to help you keep moving in the right direction.
1. Get out of the house or office.
If you can’t get your mind clear, sometimes stepping outside can give you a new perspective. Getting some fresh air will enliven your senses, ...Read more
Barton Goldsmith: COVID-19 has changed our lives forever. How to keep moving forward
I started this column right after 9/11 in my local paper, The Ventura County Star. About six months later, the column went national, I was offered a show on the local NPR station, and I was consulting for a hit television show. My career, I was told, was meteoric, but I was truly too busy to notice. My focus was on getting the message out, doing...Read more
Erika Ettin: TV tells us one thing … life says another
I got a text recently from a 40-something male client that said, “I’m anxious about restarting dating. I just want this process to be done.”
I followed up with, “When you say that you want the process to be done, what do you mean?”
Every week, an average of three clients say to me, “I hate dating. I want to be in a relationship.”...Read more
Erika Ettin: 10 dating goals and mantras for 2023 … and how to achieve them
There’s a reason the start of the new year goes hand in hand with creating resolutions and setting goals. Something about tossing out an old calendar and writing a new number every day feels like a clean slate, especially for those in the dating pool. Maybe you didn’t start 2023 off with a meaningful kiss at midnight — but that doesn’t ...Read more
Barton Goldsmith: How to lower your anxiety in stressful situations
Have you been feeling stressed and anxious lately? Don’t get down on yourself about it, because it’s a natural response to difficult times.
Let’s look at the components of stress to better understand how to decrease its impact. In life-threatening situations, or situations that feel life-threatening, we may have a fight-or-flight response...Read more
- Erika Ettin: Why we want people we can't have
- Erika Ettin: Dating advice from my dad
- Erika Ettin: 3 pieces of old-school dating wisdom that have not stood the test of time
- Erika Ettin: Is paying for an online dating site worth it? Here's what the stats say
- How two friends from Cuba lost touch, then reunited in the US -- after 60 years apart