Partner Uncomfortable With Pet Names
DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm in an interracial relationship for the first time, and I'm struggling to figure out whether I'm genuinely uncomfortable or simply overthinking things because this is new territory for me. My partner seems to bring up race more often than I anticipated, even when it doesn't seem particularly relevant to the conversation or circumstances.
At first, I'd just brush it off because I thought it was an adjustment I needed to get used to. But lately, some of the comments have started to make me think twice. In particular, he has started using pet names for me like "chocolate" and "cocoa." I'm not sure whether I'm being too sensitive, but hearing those names from my partner feels a bit strange to me. I care about this person and want to approach the situation fairly, without assuming bad intentions. How can I determine whether my discomfort is something I need to work through or a sign that my partner needs to reconsider how he talks about race and me? -- New Territory
DEAR NEW TERRITORY: Talk to him about your concerns. Admit that you have never been in an interracial relationship, so everything is new in a way. Tell him some things strike you as odd, including him calling you pet names related to your color. Get him to talk about it. You can explore your thoughts about race together. This will likely be an ongoing dialogue.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I enjoy your columns very much and your practical, reasonable approach to readers' problems. I feel a couple points were missed in your response to "Pet Sitter," about the $7,000 emergency vet bill.
First, the situation was a true emergency: The cat could have died without immediate attention -- swallowing something like string or a hair tie can be fatal for cats. The hair tie was likely wrapped around vital organs. If surgery was needed, the cat was in a seriously critical condition, as not all hair tie-cat encounters require surgery. Please also consider that delaying surgery could lead to complications.
I agree with you that the pet sitter should have contacted the owner first before authorizing surgery. However, this was a time-sensitive situation, and if the sitter had been unable to reach her friend, the action would still have been correct if the object was to preserve the cat's life.
Vet bills, even steep emergency vet bills, are part of owning a pet. It is a responsibility we sign up for when we become their guardians. The value an animal adds to our lives is priceless. I hope the friend realizes that.
I do not feel any blame or fault belongs to the pet sitter. They acted with the intention to care for their charge, which was the agreement when they decided to pet sit. I believe this particular emergency situation required an immediate decision, and they did the right thing. -- Perspective
DEAR PERSPECTIVE: Your points are valid. Pets are like children for many pet owners. While normally nothing bad happens, when something does, emergency measures are the natural next step. My guess is that most pet owners don't think about these extreme circumstances, though, until they happen.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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