Pastor Shames Couple For Not Tithing
DEAR HARRIETTE: Our pastor shamed my husband and me for not tithing to the church. My husband just lost his job, so we have cut down our tithings to essentially nothing. We used to give 20% to the church, but now we're left wondering how we are going to pay our bills if my husband can't find another job soon. We have always believed in giving to our church and supporting our community, so it hurts to feel like we are being judged during a difficult time. I understand that tithing is important to our faith, but I don't think our pastor understands the financial pressure we are under right now. My husband and I are already stressed about making ends meet, and this situation has made us question whether we are doing the right thing. We have never been the type of people to put our own needs before helping others, but right now we need to be more careful with our money. I also worry that our pastor's comments will make us feel guilty every time we attend church, which is not how I want to feel in a place that is supposed to bring us peace. How do we handle this situation with our pastor while staying true to our faith and making sure our family's needs come first? -- Shamed
DEAR SHAMED: Step back for a moment and assess the situation. Just as you are struggling financially, there is a good chance your church is as well. Many houses of worship are experiencing financial difficulty for a variety of reasons, from shrinking congregations to members suffering financial losses. Since a sizeable amount of church income comes from tithing, chances are the church coffers are low because members like you and your husband are experiencing hard times.
Schedule a meeting with your pastor to talk about your situation, and keep the big picture in mind. Explain what's happening with you and the reality that your resources are extremely limited right now. Yes, historically and faithfully you have tithed. Right now, it is on pause and you hope to restore your tithing when you get back on solid footing.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student, and if I recall correctly, when you were around my age you also moved to New York from another state to pursue your dreams in the city. I truly believe that moving to the city has been the best thing I have ever done and genuinely see myself here forever. I do often miss my family and friends, though. I find myself feeling homesick, not for a place, but for the people who raised me, who I grew up with, who I love. I recently turned 20 and have only been away from home for a little over two years. Does being away from home and being on my own get easier over time? Or will I always feel a little homesick? How can I combat this feeling? -- Homesick Student
DEAR HOMESICK STUDENT: I was 23, I believe, when I moved to New York, and it was a big adjustment. I definitely missed my family, but what I have always done is visit them several times a year. Whether by car, bus or train, I made my way home, and those hugs and kisses sustained me along with many calls. Now video-calling makes it even more intimate.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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