Parent Worried After Reading Daughter's Diary
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently read my teenage daughter's diary. I wasn't looking for anything in particular or worried that she was hiding something from me -- I was honestly just being nosy. She often leaves her diary lying around, so I convinced myself that perhaps she didn't consider it completely private. What I read, however, has left me devastated. Over the years, she has written about how difficult life sometimes feels, even when there doesn't seem to be a specific reason or trigger. I can't stop thinking about how she has been carrying this emotional weight while living right under my roof, and I had no idea.
Now I'm torn about what to do. Do I tell her that I read her diary and risk breaking her trust, or do keep what I learned to myself and find another way to check in on her? I desperately want to help her and encourage her to be more vulnerable with me, but I fear that admitting what I did could make her shut me out completely. -- Private Thoughts
DEAR PRIVATE THOUGHTS: If you believe that your daughter's life is in danger, you should speak up. Approach her carefully and apologize for violating her confidentiality. Tell her that you saw her diary sitting out and glanced at it. You know it represents her private thoughts, but you cannot unread what you saw. Tell her that you don't mean to get in her business, but you read that she is distressed. As her parent, you feel obligated to offer your support in any way that you can.
Give her space to be angry. Don't give up, though. Let your daughter know that you would do anything to help her to be happy and healthy. Ask her to let you know whenever she does need you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been dating a man for the past couple of months, and because I've been single for several years, I've approached dating as I always have: getting to know someone and determining whether we're a good fit for a relationship. We never discussed exclusivity or boundaries, and we didn't even give our relationship a title, so I continued to consider myself single. During this time, I exchanged numbers with a few people and went on a couple of dates with another gentleman. Recently, while spending time with the man I've been seeing more consistently, I told him that it's important to me for a partner to clearly communicate when they want a relationship to become more serious. He laughed and said we were already a couple, and he shouldn't have to formally ask. When I told him I didn't realize he considered us exclusive, he accused me of cheating. Now he's upset, and I'm questioning everything. How could I have known we were exclusive if we never discussed it? Is his expectation a red flag? Should I be concerned that this lack of communication could create bigger problems down the road? -- Unofficially Official
DEAR UNOFFICIALLY OFFICIAL: Don't let this spiral out of control. Clearly, you two have different understandings of what constitutes an exclusive relationship. Tell him how you understand relationships to work, especially the need for clarity about the status of your bond. Emphasize that you did not cheat. Move to the point of what you want moving forward. Encourage him to talk about that. You can decide to be together or to end it, but you must figure out how to communicate your thoughts and needs. This can be a great moment if the two of you get on the same page.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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