Stepping Back From Friendships Without Ending Them
DEAR HARRIETTE: Do you think it's possible to outgrow certain people and friendships? Recently, I've been feeling like I could move on from some childhood friendships. I moved away for college, and I can't relate to some old friends who stayed in our small hometown. I'm growing at a rapid pace, living on my own in New York and navigating problems on my own; people from my hometown can't even believe it. Some of the conversations I have with people I once felt so close to now lack nuance, leaving me uninterested in talking. It's almost as if I've grown up while at college, and they've stayed in their same high school mindset. I feel like it'll be cruel if I completely stop talking to them, but I also have no desire to make an effort to reach out. Do you have any advice on how to navigate this? -- Evolution of Friendship
DEAR EVOLUTION OF FRIENDSHIP: Not everybody stays close for life. It is natural that as you have new experiences and your world expands, your interests may change. That doesn't mean you have to let your childhood friends go, but you will likely talk with them less. The best thing you can do is accept them for who they are. Don't judge them -- or yourself. Just be with them when the moment calls for it. Listen to learn what they are interested in discussing, and be fully present in those conversations. When you are around others who want to explore other topics, engage them in that way. Go with the flow.
DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my closest friends is currently dealing with so many family issues it's hard to count. At the beginning of the semester, her parents separated and filed for divorce due to her father having an affair that spanned her parents' entire marriage. After finding out about the affair, her mother, a recovering alcoholic, relapsed and had to be hospitalized.
My friend keeps blaming herself for everything going wrong in her family, and she won't listen to her friends when we try to console her and let her know her family drama isn't her fault. Recently, she's begun to feel physically sick due to everything going on in her life and is sharing with us that she's been struggling with getting up, eating and other simple, everyday things. I'm starting to get concerned for her and her well-being. Do you have any advice for me on how to let her know that I am here for her if she needs anything? -- Friend in Need
DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: It probably seems like the world is crashing all around your friend, and it's natural that it is difficult for her to manage. You can be a good friend to her in two ways: Make yourself as available as is comfortable for you by checking in on her regularly and spending time together when you can; and by strongly encouraging her to see a therapist. A mental health professional can help her navigate this challenging time and help her access the tools she needs to survive and perhaps even thrive.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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