ArcaMax

DEAR HARRIETTE: The other day, my mom called me and shared jaw-dropping information. Due to the current political landscape and potential issues with women having different last names from birth and marriage, my mom went downtown to get a copy of her marriage license. The clerk called her up in a frantic state and told her that the courts have no legal documentation of her marriage, which happened 18 years ago. The clerk shared with her that the officiant didn't turn in the proper paperwork following her ceremony, making her initial license null and void after 60 days. My mom was initially in shock, but she is now taking it as a blessing, since she and my father are separated. She also doesn't view her relationship or life any differently since both she and my father were under the assumption that they were legally married -- and they acted like it, too. My grandma, on the other hand, is furious and is urging us not to tell people due to possible embarrassment or questions. I had no reaction to finding out this information and felt emotionless about it. Do you think that's reasonable? I feel like finding this out changes nothing about my life. -- Married or Not?

DEAR MARRIED OR NOT?: First of all, your mother need not share this information with anyone. It is of no consequence to anyone who might have a judgment about it. The one reason why it might matter in your mother's life is if she and your father have any assets that could possibly be in his sole possession now. Though they are separated, if anything were to happen to him, as a married couple, you[HW1] would be entitled to either all or part of his property. You do not have those same protections when you are not officially married. I'm not sure what you can do to address this, but if you feel like there are valuables that are in question, you may want to consult an attorney.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a feminine boy, and I express myself through makeup, nails and traditionally feminine accessories. I have no desire to change the way I present myself, nor to conform to societal expectations. When I graduated high school and started college, I specifically went to a school in New York City to try to escape the weird looks I got. Lately, with everything going on in the world, I've been scared that post-graduation I won't be able to get a job due to my femininity and not presenting as a traditional, masculine man. My intended workforce is in either beauty advertising or beauty editorial work. Based on my intended career, I'm hopeful that I'll be OK. I've just been having bad anxiety over it lately. Do you think it would be beneficial to try to present in a more masculine way, or do you think it's OK for me to express myself in a true and authentic way while trying to find a job? -- Insecure

DEAR INSECURE: The beauty industry may be a perfect fit for you. As far as interviewing goes, everyone should err on the side of conservative. You want your intelligence and preparedness for the job to be on display, not your contour or lip color. So tone it down. Look professional and sell your skills. Let your looks be secondary.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole

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