Friend Worried Woman Is Following In Parent's Footsteps
DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends and I grew up in similar situations, with one of our parents being alcoholics. We shared our experiences with each other, and we each expressed that our biggest fear is to turn into our parents. Recently, my friend has been going through some familial issues and has been drinking. Every time I'm at her house, she has open alcohol containers and smells like alcohol. I am extremely concerned for her, especially with everything that she has shared with me. I don't know how to bring this up with her. I want to make sure she's safe, but I don't want to label her and potentially jeopardize our friendship. Do you have any advice for me on how to navigate this tricky situation? -- Turning Into Our Parents
DEAR TURNING INTO OUR PARENTS: This is a tender topic, but it is also one that she pointed out to you and gave you permission to address. To the best of your ability, pick a moment when your friend is sober to talk to her. Check in with her to find out how she's doing. Listen to whatever she chooses to tell you. When there's a moment for you to talk, express your concern for her sobriety. Tell her that you have noticed that she is drinking more during this stressful time, and it concerns you based upon her own worries about her family history and how it might affect her. See if you can get her to talk about it. Let her know you will always be there for her, and you don't mean to get in her business, but you felt the need to point out what might be a red flag.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has a roommate. We've all hung out a number of times and had a blast together. Recently, I asked the roommate if she'd want to do a yoga class together -- I've seen her post on social media about her interest, and I practice yoga regularly. She looked awkward for a moment, before she answered that she and my best friend have agreed not to share friends. I was taken aback. Not only do I often see their friend groups overlap, but the three of us have hung out together often over the past couple of years. I didn't inquire further then, but I wonder if I should ask my best friend why she feels the need to control relationships that way. Maybe I should leave this one alone? What would you do? -- Same Friends
DEAR SAME FRIENDS: You call her your best friend. Talk to her. Don't take the roommate's comments as authority here. Tell your friend that you had invited her roommate to go to a yoga class and how she responded. Ask her if she has actually made this rule -- and why. Tell her that you find it odd since the three of you have hung out numerous times, and you know they have hung out with other friends together. Ask her to tell you what's up. Make it clear to her that you would appreciate her coming to you directly if she has issues with you.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
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