ArcaMax

Dear Eric: I struggle with a post-surgical medical condition that has required me to be on IV nutrition daily and I have lost a considerable amount of weight. I do enjoy food, but I cannot eat much.

I was happy to attend a cookout and meet folks in my community, but I was overwhelmed by strangers telling me that I needed to eat.

I brought a dish and I loved tasting a bit of everything that was offered, and I welcomed the opportunity to meet my neighbors. I’m grateful I’m feeling well enough to socialize.

Several women who I had never met cornered me and said that I was too skinny and I needed to eat more.

I said I was enjoying the food and the company, but they wouldn’t let it go. Two of them filled a plate, placed it in front of me and told me to eat. I said, “No thank you. I’ve enjoyed what I have eaten.”

They kept pushing me, saying I was too skinny and I looked like a gangly young boy (I’m a 54-year-old woman), but I knew if I pushed myself to eat, I would be sick.

I continued to say, “No thank you,”

but they kept going on about how bad my body looked so I left before I started to cry.

Should I have told them about my medical history? I feel as though politely declining extra food should have been sufficient and I don’t feel as though I need to disclose my condition to defend myself.

I would love to be more active in my community as I get stronger, but I don’t have the constitution to handle body shaming.

I don’t need to be told that I am underweight. I am well aware of it and I struggle every day.

– Skinny and Hungry

Dear Skinny and Hungry: Those women may have thought they had good intentions, but they were bullying you and you didn’t owe them anything more than the response you gave. Even if you didn’t have a medical condition, they don’t have any right to goad you into eating more. One plate at a cookout is not going to meaningfully impact your weight. And it’s outrageous that strangers think they can offer unsolicited advice on another person’s body.

Don’t let their shocking lack of boundaries keep you away from social gatherings. Hopefully the other people in your community have better manners. If these strangers approach you again, you can be firm and clear, “your comments about my body aren’t welcome and I won’t tolerate any more.”

Dear Eric: I really like entertaining. I’m obsessed with Ina Garten. I tell other people she’s my celebrity mom. People always seem to have a good time when they come over to my house. But the problem is my “Jeffrey.” Ina’s Jeffrey is her husband, who is really supportive and basically loves everything his wife does. My Jeffrey is an introvert who doesn’t understand why I spend so much on flowers that are just going to die or linen napkins when “paper is just fine.”

I don’t think my husband likes my parties. He always looks miserable when I say I’m inviting another couple over. This is a major part of who I am, and it always has been. But he’s never really gotten into it. I don’t know what to do to make my Jeffrey more like Ina’s Jeffrey. Help?

– Kinda Garten

Dear Kinda: Who doesn’t love Ina? She’s incredibly intelligent, creative, funny, and seemingly a blast to be around. She’s one-of-kind. That last part is crucial. There’s no other Ina. And there’s no other Jeffrey. So, it’s time to embrace the fact that you’re your own person, with your own relationship, and your husband is not Jeffrey.

One of Ina Garten’s most famous memes finds her suggesting a specific bespoke ingredient or meal component and then adding, “or if you don’t have that, store-bought is fine.” There’s a lesson here. I’m not saying that your husband is “store-bought.” I’m saying that it’s important to accept what we have and enjoy it.

Part of that acceptance may involve recognizing that your husband may not be the right audience for all your gatherings. If you have a desire to have a big, extrovert-filled event, perhaps that’s an opportunity for you two to make separate plans. To wit, Jeffrey doesn’t co-host Ina’s shows with her. Jeffrey (a noted economist) does whatever Jeffrey does with his days. It doesn’t have to be an event for both of you.

Concomitantly, you may want to think about how you might tailor an event to his style of engaging, so that you get to host like you like to and he, and any other introverts in your life, can find a comfortable entry point.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.