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Dear Eric: I am a 34-year-old Black woman in a long-term relationship with a 36-year-old white man. A few years ago, I started sharing videos of us on social media. We’ll do little skits or trend videos, and we have some sponsored content. We’re having a good time.

Recently, his sister, who I like, messaged me some comments about one of our videos. I think she was trying to message someone else and accidentally replied to me because the comments were basically mocking us for being cringe.

She said it gave her the ick that we play up our racial differences. She actually wrote the words “racist much lol”.

This was a shock. We’ve made videos where I’ve taught him how I do my hair (even though he knows) and videos where I’ve teased him about not moisturizing enough (which he doesn’t! He’s a man!). I had no idea his sister felt that way.

She unsent the message so I assume she realized she messed up, but she hasn’t said anything to me about it.

I didn’t tell my partner, but now I feel self-conscious every time we post. I just keep hearing “racist much lol” in my head. It’s kind of ruined the whole thing for me. I don’t know what I should do.

– Unsocial Media

Dear Media: Whether we’re getting brand deals or just sharing with friends and family, what we post online is only one side of our lives. It’s natural for people to have opinions, but it’s important for everyone to remember that they’re not getting the whole story. This is especially true in the case of an account that’s posting a version of life that’s heightened for comedic effect.

It’s no crime to be cringe, but it’s worth digging into the suggestion that your content strikes your partner’s sister as racist. Share your experience with your partner and see how he feels about it. Talking it through with the person you’re doing life and content with will help get perspective.

Even though your partner’s sister isn’t just some random person commenting online, you should still take her comments with a grain of salt. She’s not inside your relationship and therefore isn’t privy to the full context of your content creation.

However, this could be an opportunity to take another look at what you’re posting to make sure that you’re saying what you want to say. Humor is subjective and sometimes threading the needle can be tough when talking about politically charged topics. But not everything online is going to be for everybody.

Dear Eric: I don’t eat sugar. It’s poison. My daughter-in-law obviously doesn’t feel the same way. She lets her children, my grandchildren, have snacks with sugar in them, and sometimes uses store-bought pasta sauce, which is full of sugar. I’ve told her not to do this multiple times, but she tells me that she feels comfortable with her decision. She feels comfortable poisoning my grandchildren? I don’t know how to escalate this so that she gets it.

– Not So Sweet

Dear Sweet: Please don’t escalate this. Let your daughter-in-law – and your child, to whom your daughter-in-law is married – parent their children the way they see fit.

Yes, sugar can have negative health effects, but the examples you gave don’t paint the picture of a house in chaos. Moderation is key here, as with many foods.

You’re only going to create unnecessary conflict in your relationship if you continue to insert yourself in this way. I know it’s coming from a place of concern for your grandchildren, but it’s important that you respect the boundary your daughter-in-law has set and leave this be.

Dear Eric: In response to “Don’t Want to be Alone”, the letter from an ailing 59-year-old with no spouse, children, or close friends, I’d say don’t equate being alone with being lonely.

We spend so much time comparing ourselves with others that we give up our autonomy and individuality.

Your advice to reconnect with others is spot-on. May I suggest other ways to help? Educate yourself on the origins and treatments for your medical conditions. Be able to ask informed questions about your health. Make a will – put in writing your wishes for your assets and belongings. Fill out an advanced directive for your healthcare.

Knowing your affairs are in order will give you peace of mind.

– Never Lonely

Dear Never Lonely: The letter writer expressed concerns about who would care for her when she could no longer care for herself. And, to your point, the present-day version can, in some ways, take care of the future version of herself, or at least lay some of that groundwork. We can’t predict what will happen, but we can be mindful of and educated about what our options are.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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