ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I try to be polite and patient when dealing with so-called customer service reps; I swear I do. I've listened to their endlessly repeated robo messages with no choices that fit my problem, their screeching hold-music, and their endless requests for the same information.

If I ever get to a human being, they say they'll put me on hold while they find out something or other, and I'm back in the loop. Or they hang up on me midsentence -- their own sentence. Of course I can't call back. They could, because they have my number. But guess what? They don't.

I've heard that if you get really nasty, they turn the call over to someone who can actually help. Sometimes you can get someone to pick up if the system registers you using the F word. When I finally do talk to a human, maybe I could tell them what I think of them and their lousy business.

I guess I'm asking your permission to be rude.

GENTLE READER: Sorry. Don't expect Miss Manners ever to issue an OK-to-be-rude pass.

Not surprisingly, she is only too familiar with what passes as customer service these days, and shares your exasperation. (She is thinking of writing a song about a breakup, entitled "Please Listen Carefully, As My Menu Has Changed.")

But don't count on the notion that rudeness works. Someone who hung up on your problem is unlikely to listen to a nasty critique and vow to reform. Nor would you be likely to want to hear about how many people management let go when they put in that recorded system, and how overburdened and poorly compensated are the few who are left.

One can, of course, refuse to do business with a company that shows so little concern for the customer. But then it is discouraging to search for any better options. And what if it is a hospital or the U.S. Postal Service that treats you this way?

Miss Manners is sorry not to supply you with a substitute for rudeness. But what does sometimes make a small difference is the opposite method: showing graciousness to the occasional worker who makes a real effort to help. A letter of praise to that person's boss calls attention to the forgotten idea that customers need, and value, real customer service.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I read about when ladies always had to wear little white gloves. People laugh at that now, but maybe they were smarter than we think.

I thought that after COVID, I wouldn't have to worry about shaking hands with people who, for all I know, might have been sneezing into their hands, or worse. But people still stick out their hands to be shaken.

I use tissues when I have to open doors, use banisters or otherwise handle things that many people have touched. So white gloves may be the answer.

GENTLE READER: Fine with Miss Manners, as long as you promise always to remove those gloves when you eat or drink.

And note that those little white cotton gloves are to be worn in the summer. The rest of the year, choose dark gloves. Otherwise, people will think that you are a curator handling delicate artifacts, or maybe a waitress in a fancy restaurant.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN